About 2 months quit weed...

Postby BruceLeeroy » Mon Oct 26, 2020 8:36 am

...and I never felt so much better!

About 20 years toking and daily for most of that time. Feeling much different from other times I've tried quitting in the past. The dreams, clear-headedness, remembering stuff, feeling my brain and body rewire itself, and not just plain ol' not having to deal with it...being sober never felt so good! :P

Edit: Had hard anxiety and depression the first 6-8 weeks, but pulled on through. Still have major insomnia and can't fall asleep nor stay asleep in the middle of the night, but looking forward to overcoming that milestone someday soon!
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Postby Psicology » Wed Oct 28, 2020 11:31 am

Compliments! You are an excellent example! Continue without giving up!
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Postby BruceLeeroy » Fri Oct 30, 2020 7:20 am

Thank you so much, Psicology! It's a difficult process, don't get me wrong. Still having trouble sleeping, but at least I no longer have the little devil standing on my other shoulder this time around telling me that it's ok to toke up again. I am thoroughly convinced to never do it again. Not just telling myself that but it's oddly how I truly feel.

Really appreciate your kind words helping me pull through this!
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Postby BruceLeeroy » Wed Nov 11, 2020 4:55 am

2 and 1/2 months in. Brain tingling has subsided and occurs rarely and faintly now along with subtle and short headaches. The weed tasting phlegm that was clearing up in the back of my throat the past few weeks has disappeared now. Sill no desire to ever toke up again and very much enjoying the clear-headedness. This has been one of the biggest mental steps differing this quit from others in the past -- I no longer identify myself with weed smoking.

Other PAWS symptoms are showing up. Insomnia seems to have increased with heart palpitations now occurring every night at about 1am to sunrise basically on cue for the last couple weeks. This, which I believe is caused by a rise in anxiety and depression, seem to be the biggest obstacles at this point. I can't fall asleep for more than a couple hours and the vivid dreams I'm having now seem to all be nightmarish dealing with unsettled emotions in the past. I feel it's my body and mind trying to sort through these feelings now that were once just pushed aside and numbed out from getting high. Libido is up and down. I also have a hard and random snap biting of my teeth once every few nights, not sure if anyone else has experienced this.

As an aside, I've also lessened my drinking by a lot -- no more drinking a beer or glass of whiskey by myself daily, only on holidays and occasions with friends -- and I quit smoking cigarettes for almost 9 years now (after about 16 years of smoking). After I quit cigarettes cold turkey, I felt anything was possible. Smoking weed helped me a lot in the process, but it's served its purpose and its time to let go of that now, too. Funny thing is, I can remember my cigarette quit day better than my loved ones' birthdays. I also quit sugar for the last few years, just eating it on rare occasions.

All in all, it feels great to be sober. Looking forward to month 3.
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Postby Brokethehabit » Wed Nov 11, 2020 7:47 pm

You're doing great m8!
When I was at your stage I was having a dreadful time. I was literally in survival mode.
Keep it up!
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Postby BruceLeeroy » Tue Nov 24, 2020 2:18 am

Thanks, Brokethehabit! Trust me, it is pretty dreadful. But I'm hanging in there. About to hit 3 months!
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Postby Prycejosh1987 » Sun Dec 13, 2020 5:43 pm

Try relaxation methods before bedtime. I work out using dumbbells before bed and massage my head and brain minutes before sleeping these things helps. Also create a sleeping routine.
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Postby BruceLeeroy » Sat Dec 26, 2020 8:21 pm

Prycejosh1987 wrote:Try relaxation methods before bedtime. I work out using dumbbells before bed and massage my head and brain minutes before sleeping these things helps. Also create a sleeping routine.

Thanks for the tips, Prycejosh1987. Creating a sleeping routine has helped me the most. Although it was hard creating one because PAWS would keep me up all night, I eventually forced myself to just stay up until the next evening, skipping sleep for over a day, until I was so tired I had to fall asleep in the evening (9-10pmish). After a few tries (also in my third month where the insomnia was weaker) it finally worked and I can sleep during regular hours again! Phew!
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Postby BruceLeeroy » Sat Dec 26, 2020 8:28 pm

Month 4 update:

In month 4
Random dry eyes for a short period, better now
Tinnitus gone for most part
Ringing ears gone for most part
Occasional lymphatic sensations under jaw and chin nearly gone
Eye floaters came back briefly towards end of 3rd month, but now gone
Racing thoughts diminished
Nightmarish vivid dreams gone, have normal dreams again now which were non existent during addiction
Normal sleep schedule slowly coming back still not there yet
Can only sleep for about 4-5 hours straight but much better than the 1-2 hours max in the first few months
Can fall back to sleep much easier
Heart palps still present esp in bed but no where near as intense or as long as in first few months, there were moments I thought my heart was going to explode during that time and once got up in the middle of the night to exercise it off which helped calm it down for about an hour untill it started palping really hard again
Libid much better
Thinking feels improved, intact, and much more clear
No more headaches or brain tingling, just very subtle sensations on rare occasions
Clenching teeth throughout the day and night much less now, but still not gone yet
Intrusive and schizo-like thoughts diminishing and weaker now esp compared to first few months
Under tremendous stress right now from life, but depression and anxiety decreasing in occurence
This weird thing called emotions coming back slowly
Still absolutely no desire to smoke up, content to not do it anymore at all

Just want to add that I also cut down my normal alcohol intake a lot to about once a month now during this time and remain on my low/no sugar low carb diet. I feel they have a positive effect on the weed quit and are helping speed up its progress. More importantly I believe usage of other drugs, nicotine, alcohol, even caffeine and especially sugar give off similar symptoms and can intensify and prolong paws.

First time drinking alcohol in about a month. Drank some sake on evening of Sat Dec 12, went to bed with intense heart palpitations which had been much less severe during last couple of weeks. Was still able to fall asleep quickly however and for 4-5 hours straight. Woke up around 3am, and was able to fall back asleep around 4 until 7am. Light dreams remembered when waking. Sleep schedule is returning to normal, was total opposite before, but extremely heavy eyed during the beginning of cycle at around 9-10pm.

Drank some whisky two nights later. Experienced crazy heart palpitations, gout, and an anxiety attack the following day...
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Postby BruceLeeroy » Wed Jan 27, 2021 5:06 am

5 month update:

Still absolutely no desire to smoke up at all. Enjoying my sobriety from weed to the fullest. Sounds corny but it's true. Have remained off all other street drugs throughout this process as well.

Had three "using" dreams. The third time was brownies that I made myself and couldn't resist. Was feeling high inside the dreams and woke up high. Was angry at myself each time for getting high again, which I didn't actually do thankfully.

Need to visit the forums much less frequently now. Was in the forums daily in the first two-three months desperately reading every thread I could on PAWS, symptoms, and success stories. Now there's no more need for constant support.

No more lazy, taking my brain "off the hook" feeling in the back of my head. Grateful to always feel like my mind is on the balls of its feet ready to prance at any given moment, and no longer backed on its heels. Currently reading a book about wit and snappy comebacks which is a revelation lol.

No more lazy eyes floating around. I can catch my to eyes wanting to do this especially when I stare at something because they were so used to doing it before.

Learning to accept emotions from situations I can't change is currently the biggest mental challenge. But anxiety, depression, and my emotional reaction to them are much less intense now. Not sure where the baseline is anymore as I smoked up for twenty years. But it's lessening every day.

Still occasionally grinding teeth, but much less often, maybe once every few days versus multiple times a night as it was in the first two-three months.

Still have strong heart palpitations especially after a night of drinking, but much shorter in duration. Mjch less powerful as in the first 3 months, but still there.

Libido still up and down.

Consistently getting 5 straight hours of sleep. Hoping to get this number to 7-8 hours eventually. Can fall asleep much faster now, too, usually within first 15 min of going to bed (and putting away my phone). And can fall back asleep for a few more hours fairly easily.

Can stay up much later now like before without getting super heavy-eyed around 9-10pm like last month.

Having a much fuller sense of sleep and deep, positive dreams now most nights. I can remember the dreams when I wake up and sometimes they linger around for much longer. DREAMING IS A GAME CHANGER. When I was high and didn't dream, or at least didn't remember my dreams, it felt like I just methodically closed my eyes every night and then reopened them moments later in the morning -- not really feeling rested at all. Now, with the dreams, it feels like sleeping is another function of my night where I then wake up feeling complete and re-energized. Even with less hours of sleep, I still feel much more recharged afterwards versus when I was high with more hours of sleep.

Had small bladder issues and had to get up in the middle of the night to pee. Affected during the day, too. Drinking anything would result in having to use the bathroom almost immediately. Very annoying. Lasted about two weeks.

First straight 8 hour sleep on Fri morn, Jan 22 (from 4-5 hours previous). Had deep dreams. Bladder issue also gone and back to normal (lasted for a couple weeks, gone by last week of 5th month). Bladder got better a couple nights before, maybe this led to ability to sleep all night long now. (Update, only night of 8 hour sleep so far.)

Overall, it feels like PAWS is down to 30-40% of what it was in the first three months.
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Postby BruceLeeroy » Fri Feb 26, 2021 10:50 am

Month 6 update

I am so done with weed. After 20 something years, I've gotten high enough to last me two lifetimes. 

Still working on getting better sleep and beating insomnia, along with dealing with depression and anxiety. But doing so much better now than in the beginning. Currently getting a max of about 4-5+ hours of straight sleep. Intrusive thoughts are decreasing. I still get bouts of depression and anxiety here and there, but they seem to be less intense and I just deal with them as they come. Extreme heart palpitations my are main remaining physical symptom, but that's also getting less severe. Libido is slowly improving. I suspect my natural body's still trying to adjust to functioning with no marijuana present, which is causing the PAWS symptoms. How much adrenaline is needed? How much testosterone? How much sleep? After two plus decades of use it's probably going to need some time to figure it out. 

I probably won't update again until at least month 8 or 9 as most of the harsher symptoms have subsided and the remaining ones have slowed down improving. The first 3 months were a b*tch, no lie. It had me counting the hours. Now in my 6th month, things are so much easier. The turning point happened around month 4. PAWS is down to about 15-20% overall, sometimes much less to where I don't even think about my quit anymore. I feel like a brand new person and can't stress that enough. The improvements in memory, coherent thoughts, creativity, and overall health and my eyes feeling flush again, not worrying about eye drops or smelling like it, not feeling slow and dumb lol, and just plain not dealing with it anymore are so worth it. I feel like I'm regaining my full potential.

No plans to relapse. Not even one puff. Just one hit would reset my PAWS back to day one and it just isn't worth going through that hell all over again. Had about four using dreams since my quit and the immediate regret I felt from them was already a lesson enough. I had a lucid dream recently in which I was aware I was dreaming, so I decided not only to fly everywhere I went but also to take a hit from a joint someone offered me. As soon as I took the first puff, I started feeling really guilty. Got high, felt slow and dumb, then became very disappointed in myself even inside the dream. Luckily, I have no desire to ever get high again when awake.

Bye bye, Mary J. It was good while it lasted, but I have got to move on without you. No regrets. I just have a new outlook on life now.
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Postby BruceLeeroy » Fri Mar 26, 2021 2:48 pm

Month 7

Wasn't going to update till next month, but I've been on a roll so why not.

Nearly no more teeth grinding or sudden jaw contractions. Such a relief to no longer feel tightness in jaw and mouth.

Depression, anxiety, and negative thoughts much, much milder (10-15%). Used to battle these things hard as soon as I woke up. But almost totally gone now. Makes such a huge difference in my day. Have read they can come back so will stay ready.

Heart palpitations much less intense  (10-15%). My heart beat used to sound like sasquatch feet--thundering, shaking the concrete. Now it sounds more like monkey steps.

Insomnia back.

Sleep has regressed back to about 4 hours or less.

Libido still up and down.

So worth it to have escaped the hands of the green monster and be at this 7 month mark. What a tremendous felt difference from the first 4. Feels like I'm so much closer to "normal" now, whatever that is. Looking forward to more improvement next month.
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Postby BruceLeeroy » Tue Apr 27, 2021 8:15 am

8 month update

Resurgence of insomnia last 2 months.

Dreams coming back with sleep.

Started taking melatonin to help with sleep. So far not effective.

Stopped caffeine most days to try to help with sleep

Heart palpitations back at night after day of drinking caffeine or alcohol.

Libido is coming back. Thank God!

Still no desire to smoke up.

Need less and less support.
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