Instilling subtle behavioural changes

Postby Shine79 » Tue Nov 17, 2020 8:04 pm

Allow me to explain what I’m looking for help with. This is a little long winded but please hear me out.

Essentially, my wife has a couple of phobias, in particular public speaking, which I believe are holding her back from reaching her full potential. She’s an absolutely brillliant woman, but lacks confidence in herself.

I know from my own experience how effective hypnosis can be for things like this, however she refuses to see anyone about it as she simply doesn’t believe it’s real, snake oil almost.

What I wanted to do is create a really tangible way for her to believe in the power of hypnosis and her subconscious mind. One idea I had was to create something that would make a really tangible yet benign change in her day-to-day behaviour, such as the wrist in which she wears her watch (I’ve known her for nearly twenty years, and she’s ALWAYS worn it on her left wrist, so it would be quite noticeable if she suddenly began to wear it on her right).

If we could achieve that (or something similarly quantifiable), and then bring it to her attention, I think it could really help in convincing her of the power of hypnosis and to get the professional help that I think would make such a positive difference in her career and life.

Is this something that could be realistically done in a relatively under the radar kind of way, or am I misunderstanding something about how this stuff works?
New Member
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Nov 17, 2020 7:59 pm
Likes Received: 0


Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Nov 18, 2020 2:38 pm

Shine79 wrote:Is this something that could be realistically done in a relatively under the radar kind of way, or am I misunderstanding something about how this stuff works?

First, I would question your ethics. Regardless of the relationship, a parent, child, or spouse, there is an ethical, rather deceitful "the ends justify the means" issue to address. Do you "under the radar" hypnotize your child to eat vegetables? Do you hide the vegetables by putting them inside other foods? Or do you discuss the reasons behind eating vegetables and work to gain understanding with the child?

Second, I would consider it manipulative and disrespectful. A spouse is supposed to be equal. If you intentionally manipulate me to put a watch on the other wrist, there will be a slight erosion of trust. While you might consider it to be a relatively innocent manipulation, a sort of joke to prove it can be done, it shows you can and will use hypnosis on me without my consent.

NOTE: I'm not saying you are unethical, manipulative, or disrespectful. I'm saying they are points of discussion.

Third, hypnosis doesn't work that way. If there were a reliable, relatively "under the radar" kind of way to hypnotize people the world would be a much different place. With good intentions, similar to your own, there would no longer be any obese people or smokers in the world. Everyone would be a great public speaker and have no fear of jumping out of airplanes in such a world. Within every family, someone with good intentions, would "under the radar" hypnotize other members of the family. Undoubtedly you would have been hypnotized without your knowledge multiple times. Why does this world not exist? It's not because of the lack of well-intentioned people.

This is not to say people are not manipulated every day. There is social engineering and psychological tricks used to influence how people behave. But, this is not hypnosis.

If your wife fears public speaking, my advice is to encourage her to join toastmasters or a speaking club. My advice is to encourage her to practice, to take a course on public speaking. My advice is to use a form of exposure therapy, otherwise known as gaining experience, by speaking about topics she is comfortable with in front of very small groups. As she gains experience she will gain comfort and be able to speak to larger groups. This is the best, most direct route that does not involve anything "under the radar",
Posts: 11709
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:25 am
Likes Received: 1222


Postby brightone » Wed Aug 18, 2021 6:14 am

With more than 50 years as a professional in the business of subconscious-mind therapy (I have moved beyond what has been called hypnotherapy for many years now) both as a therapist and a therapist trainer, I cannot add anything much to Richard's response. Surely a basis of trust in your relationship is too important to jeopardize. I think what Richard has suggested to do is good. And to help your own understanding, I've never found anything that remotely resembles what could be called the "power of hypnosis". Remember, there have been thousands of people making a very good living for many years by deliberately making it appear that they (and hypnosis) are powerful. It is quite easy to exploit the particular way of thinking that we call 'hypnosis'. You wouldn't sell many tickets to a therapy session, though. The fact is that ANY and ALL 'power' belongs to the person experiencing the hypnotic state - NOT the therapist or hypnosis. Hypnosis is nothing more that very normal, natural, everyday, particular way of thinking and is of no known value in and of itself. It is what a person can do when guided correctly to think like that, that is actually powerful. But don't feel bad, because I guess that probably at least a small majority of professionals still have 100 year outdated beliefs and ideas about the subject of hypnosis. You can thank them for your current beliefs. Please forgive my long-winded rave here, Richard has answered you perfectly, I just can't help but to correct misinformation about hypnosis. It was your post that motivated me to join this forum.. Keep safe.
New Member
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2021 5:19 am
Likes Received: 0

Return to Hypnosis