4 Months PAWS - 5 years of heavy cannabis use

Postby Lifelesssons » Mon Nov 30, 2020 3:31 am

Hey Guys/Girls

Just like to first start off by saying this website kept me from thinking i was insane before i started seeing my therapist and he reassured me of what most of the guys on here were saying so thank you all for that.

Background story-

Growing up never had depression or anxiety i did worry about things just as everyone else would maybe a little extra than the normal person but nothing out of the ordinary. I had a good child hood apart from being a refugee but i was really young so i don't remember much of my home country i migrated to Australia at the age of 8 so basically i grew up in Australia my father passed away at an early age and my mother did most of the work and stuff we were a family of 7 and i was always taken care of.

Growing up in my teenage years i had awesome time, at first i didn't have much friends but then i made alot of friends and still have those friends till this day i would say from the age of 16 i started going out having fun enjoying life with no drugs, i always looked down on people who used drugs and never went near drugs at all.

At the age of around 19 i started smoking cigarettes which i smoked for 3 years and gave up i didn't have any problems or stress i just started smoking just for the fun of it and i quickly gave the habit up at the age of around 23 i started smoking weed but it was not because i had any issues of depression or anxiety or any life problems kind of had my first joint and enjoyed the high the feels music food etc, so it started like that with friends and kept going i travelled overseas i went to europe americas etc i smoked around but not as a heavy smoker just joints here and there.

Once i hit the age of 26 i started smoking heavily and now i am 30 for the last 4 years i moved into the bongs and was smoking pretty heavily the last 2-3 years i started smoking at home and it became an addiction where i needed weed to function and do my daily activities. I still went to work i worked still studied etc but all under the influence, i never experienced any panic attacks or anxiety while smoking never had an episode where it effected me negativity until the last year which i developed slight anxiety.

4 months ago i had an episode, i was doing what i was doing normally smoking and doing my usually thing at night i had a very bad intrusive thought about a baby and put me in a full blown panic attack which i never had an intrusive thought of such in my life, this made me quit cold turkey the very next day as i knew it was time and this could only occur because of the weed.

The last 4 months have been hell on earth, the first 1.5 month were physically, sweating, pacing around, can't get any sleep, weight loss, no appetite the usually crap.

Then after 1.5 months id say the 2nd month the mental fuckery started, before this ever started i was following alot of news and watched news pretty much everyday, one of the topics i was following was the whole epstein saga and the clintons and all that crap about kidnapping babies and doing harm to children which pissed me off, i would post stories on twitter trying to expose the whole sickening stories that were being posted related to that.

So my mind started to **** with me during PAWS and making me think that i was some kind of pedophile or what not, this gave me unbelievable panic attacks as this was the worst thing on the planet and now my mind was playing around with the "what ifs" which made it hell on earth for me i have nieces and nephews who i love dearly and i was scared that i might have thoughts etc which made me more paranoid, i still went out i still went to malls etc but everytime there was kids around i would be very paranoid that i might have a intrusive thought etc.

Before quiting weed i had no problems like this, i would look at the news and be really mad about what was going on and felt sickened but never would my mind ever **** with me in the way it did while withdrawing.

I felt like i was going insane i knew this was because of withdrawals so i decided to see a therapist who happens to specialise in detoxing of addicts etc, so i told him the story and he started laughing and told me that it was perfectly normal during withdrawing from substances such as weed after heavy and long term use, this put my mind at ease.

Fast forward a month after seeing him the whole children thing has diminished and i feel like my old self again but now a new subject came up which due which my mind decided to **** with me again about which is the whole noition what if i am gay, i have never looked at a man in a sexual way or got aroused, my dreams still consist of doing it with women but for some reason my mind is making me have intrusive thoughts about this and it is really bothering me, i asked a friend who went through withdrawls and told me that it's normal he had the same thing i have always made gay jokes and never have i had problems with gay people or what not, my brain is f***ing with me and giving me those what ifs again.

So i spoke to my therapist and we had a laugh about it and he told me it's also normal, he told me that withdrawl seems to base on taboo's that you most hate and would not do like sexual orientation, children, he said even animals etc.

So i was wondering if anyone has had their mind **** with them like this?

I am getting better really better than before as the first 2-3 months were hell,

Some the things i experienced mentally were

-Inner Chatter
-Intrusive thoughts
-Irrational Thoughts
-Weird and Scary Dreams
-Brain Fog
-0% Concentration
-Panic attacks in the morning as soon as waking up
-Panic attacks while trying to sleep in the day

These things have gotten better and far in between but the issue with the gay stuff is really bothering as it's totally against what i have been doing my whole life, seeing and banging women.

Has anyone experienced stuff like this while withdrawing?

I am still seeing my therapist, still praying and thank the lord that the children issue has now nearly non existent that i can be around kids without being paranoid or that i will get bad thoughts etc, i have since stopped watching the news and stopped following all those cases and will probably never watch news again apart from the weather.

And for those going through PAWS it does get better i'm still getting better but from month 2 to now there has been major change mentally not out of the woods but alot of the side effects have completely gone or far and few in between.

Lucky i have a great therapist who know's his sh** and god who has my back.

Cheers guys let me know if you experienced anything close to this horrible sh**.
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Postby Candid » Mon Nov 30, 2020 5:55 am

Of course.

PAWS people always post acres of back story, and that's okay. I'm often a long-post member myself.

My family migrated to Australia, too. I returned to England as an adult. Australia has a peculiar 'culture'. It isn't the world. I recommend you commit to living in another country for at least a year, perhaps wherever you came from if it's safe, to get a different perspective.

Anyway, it's good to see you've come out of the woods re. smoking. Everything you've written here is normal.
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Postby Lifelesssons » Mon Nov 30, 2020 11:33 am

Thanks for the reply,

It's really hard to take that this sh** is normal, it's amazing how the mind works if it's unbalanced and it decides to **** with you, my therapist laughed his donkey off when i told him whats going on and he told me that i'm okay with time it goes away and everytthing goes back to normal. So hopefully that happens, i am thinking of going somewhere for a good year where i have family to enjoy it but with the whole COVID vaccine thing to fly im thinking twice lol.

Anyway subjects seem to change every couple of weeks and the mind OCD's about something new hopefully the mind goes back to normal this sh** really f***ed with me never been mentally unstable like this it's very scary stuff.
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Postby Prycejosh1987 » Sun Dec 13, 2020 5:35 pm

Have a sleeping routine, it will help you sleep better in the long run.
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