master manipulator and its your mom. what do you do?

Postby mute » Sun Dec 06, 2020 11:18 pm

what do you do when your mom is a master manipulator but shes also in bad health and uses that to control people.?

tries to make you feel guilty for supposedly treating her bad?
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#1

Postby tokeless » Mon Dec 07, 2020 8:58 am

Hi,
I guess after you think about what she says for accuracy and decide if she has a point, all you can do is set boundaries and proximity. You'll need to give more information with examples for more in depth suggestions.
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#2

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Dec 07, 2020 3:38 pm

mute wrote:what do you do when your mom is a master manipulator but shes also in bad health and uses that to control people.?

tries to make you feel guilty for supposedly treating her bad?


If you have identified a person as a "master manipulator" then as tokeless suggested you establish your own personal boundaries and/or limits.

For example, if you go to buy a new jacket what do you expect when you walk through the door? You expect the salesperson to do what? To be a salesperson. You expect them to try and sell you. It is by definition, what they are supposed to do. You do not expect them to give you the jacket for free or for cost. You do not expect them to serve you a steak dinner. If your expectation is that the salesperson is to be anything other than a salesperson you are being naive.

An easy way to set boundaries when dealing with a salesperson is to have a limit of how much you are willing to spend.

If your mom is a "master manipulator" then whenever you interact with your mom what should you expect? For her to manipulate. It shouldn't be a surprise. By definition she is supposed to try and manipulate you. If you expect a manipulator not to manipulate you are being naive. So what do you do? Same as the salesperson, you set limits, you set boundaries.
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#3

Postby Candid » Wed Dec 09, 2020 7:29 am

mute wrote:what do you do when your mom is a master manipulator but shes also in bad health and uses that to control people.?

tries to make you feel guilty for supposedly treating her bad?


Your mother's always been a problem for you, mute. As has mine.
Is there any chance at all that you could stay right away from her?
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#4

Postby CoachNyambura » Wed Dec 09, 2020 9:00 am

Get more intentional BEFORE meeting her or interacting with her. Take a couple of moments to choose how you will feel and then focus, not so much on what she says, but much more on how you are feeling within you. That way you turn the power back to yourself and take it away from her.
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#5

Postby Riverdavid85 » Thu Apr 29, 2021 2:04 pm

Hi my name is River and i dont know if i have come to the right place but i have recently found that I have had a mother/son enmeshment relationship and it has affected my marriage, resulting in separation.
We still live together and have 2 young kids.
My wife and I have been married 5 years and been together for 8.

I feel so bad, empty that I have put my wife through this because I adore and she's the love if my life.
I never wanted to this to happen but I couldn't differentiate between my wife and mother because I thought I could sort it.

I have informed my mother of the situation and that we can no longer have the same relationship we once had and reasoning behind it.

I have joined this forum to engage with other people who are in in a similar situation as me and try to heal moving forward.

Thank you

River David
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