Friend makes me feel guilty

Postby CrystalMinds » Mon Dec 14, 2020 9:57 am

Hello all,

Sorry for this long post that's about to come...

Short background:
So I don't live near my hometown where I grew up and where I have all my friends and family.
It's an hour driving away, so we don't meet up that often.

Two years ago my boyfriend and I bought the house where we live now and I have one (yes, only 1) friend here who lives nearby.
She's there for me when I need her, keeps my secrets and is a good friend.

Though once in a while she can act a bit odd or insulting, but I always let it slide.

Anyways, I, myself am 18 weeks pregnant and have some moodswings when I have a busy day.
A few weeks ago we planned a girlsnight where she comes over to my place, we have dinner together and watch some movies. I had a horrible day and my mood was below zero...
She came to my place and announced her pregnancy. I jumped up and hugged her, and we talked about our pregnancies the entire evening, I was so happy for her!

The day after that I sent her a message on Facebook saying I hope my bad mood didn't seem like I wasn't happy for her, that I cried when I thought about the announcement and how happy I was (hormones...). She responded quite cold to be honest, that she did have the feeling I had to put a lot of effort to seem excited. I told her that I was afraid my mood would seem like I wasn't happy or excited but that I really was. She then replied that she really was looking forward to telling me the big news. I, again, told her I just had a bad mood and that it didn't have to do anything with how happy I was.

Anyway, this happened two weeks ago and since then she doesn't really initiate conversation or asking me how I am in my pregnancy (while I try to text her a few times asking how she's been and how her appointment with the doctor was).

I feel guilty for not reacting how she wanted or expected me to, but on the other hand I don't want to feel guilty for this. I had a bad day though I was actually really happy for her.

Two weeks after this happened and I still feel bad about it.
I don't really want to talk about this with her because:
1: i feel she could've told me face to face when she was at my place
2: she makes me feel attacked when we have conversations like that and I tend to take all the blame and feel bad even more for not sticking up for myself...

Hope you guys have any thoughts on this?
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Dec 14, 2020 11:01 pm

One thought is that you seem to be focused on this single incident. That is not how friendships usually ebb and flow. It is more likely that there have been multiple differences, multiple events that have made this person decide to create some distance in the relationship. The pregnancy might have been a “final straw” but it was not that single event.

And I don’t mean “final straw” to be necessarily a negative thing. It is okay that two people don’t end up on the same page and the friendship changes. That happens.

My advice is not to apologize or discuss the situation anymore than you already have. You explained your position. Now drop it and move on.
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Postby jackyjoy123 » Sat Dec 18, 2021 10:54 am

Thanks for the awesome information.
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