39 Days clean of weed

Postby imso3k » Wed Dec 23, 2020 3:04 pm

It's been a week since I wanted to share my story here but for some reason my ISP was banned from registering to the site so :mrgreen:

I've been smoking for the last 4 years, from 21 to 25 now, in Israel you actually start doing what you want with your life only at the age of 21 because of military service. Right after my discharge I did a little euro-trip which ended in Amsterdam, where I started to smoke regularly, I always wanted to see how it's like to smoke weed and I enjoyed it except the occasional bad trip. I've been a Software Engineer student for the last 3 years, and smoked about 3 times a week pre-COVID, then everything just transferred to remote study, and at first I was very happy about the idea of not needing to wake up at a certain time and go to college, just wake up when I want and watch the VOD's, of course with lack of well, everything, I started to smoke at the end of each day, and I really didn't see the problem in it at first, but I did see the cravings for it, still I enjoyed it so I didn't really care if I crave it or not.

Fast forward to 44 days ago, I had a really bad trip, like I really can't explain in words what was going on through my mind, and tinnitus appeared in the same bad trip, I tried to smoke again 5 days later and I really didn't enjoy it because of the panic I had with the last bad trip, so I decided to quit. I always said to myself "You are not addicted and you can quit anytime you want" and well I was right only about the 2nd part of that sentence.

The first week after I stopped I really didn't know what is going on with my mind, I lost control over my life in a matter of a day (which in retrospective, I lost that control over the course of time when I started to be dependable on weed to cure everything), I burst in tears when talking to my older brother while repeatedly saying "WTF IS GOING ON WITH MY HEAD???" and that my first step into acknowledging that I was an addict.

Like everyone know here, the first 3 weeks were just hell, I've experienced suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety, electricity through my whole body and what not and then I had like 4 days of "ok its gone now" before the PAWS started.

Since the PAWS started I'm experiencing mainly anxiety and some depression, I can feel the anxiety around my heart, it's a real physical pressure that hurts with each breath, and I feel dizzy in a way that sometimes everything just spins around me and I feel way less balanced.

I know it's a process, that there is no more "2 puffs and it's gone" and that the most important thing is that I'm alive.

I tried to take maybe 3 times mainly when everything started half a dosage of the minimum dosage (don't remember the mg) of Clonex, which according to google it's known as Clonazepam, and it really did worse than better, I felt like it just stored the anxiety for a later date.

What did the big step for me towards coping with PAWS is the Wim Hof Method (and I pretty much was the biggest skeptical on earth before trying it), I'm not going to preach about it but if anyone is interested I will be more than glad to answer questions about it, his book in general shows you a different perspective on life and the method itself just helps me not to go to that overthinking state which everyone here knows about, my mind is way more clear with it.

Well that's it, it will probably will look like a lot to read but I just wanted to share my experience, thanks for reading & understanding.
imso3k
New Member
 
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Dec 23, 2020 11:06 am
Likes Received: 4


#1

Postby Wave » Mon Jan 11, 2021 7:59 am

Welcome imso3k!

How are you getting on with quitting? I managed about 17 months when I was around your age and have been back using (vaping only) for the last 3 years of so, everyday. I am back here to try again and this time has to be final as I can SO SICK of this addiction.

I feel like I am in withdrawal most of the time and it is a constant struggle to even make it to the evening before vaping!

My best mate at school has a full panic attack on weed when we were 13 and he never touched it again. In some weird way I was slightly jealous of this over the years as I felt he could use this as a reason to see why Cannabis was so bad for you.

Do many people smoke/vape in Isreal? In the UK is it like it is legal here in some ways, often people will be just walking around the street (pre-COVID) with a spliff. Crazy times.

PAWS hit me hard for a good 4-5 months last time and even after this it was hard not to be tempted. I think being a bit older and wiser will help a lot this attempt!
Wave
Preferred Member
 
Posts: 770
Joined: Sun Nov 18, 2012 9:47 am
Likes Received: 217

#2

Postby imso3k » Mon Jan 11, 2021 11:02 am

Wave wrote:Welcome imso3k!

How are you getting on with quitting? I managed about 17 months when I was around your age and have been back using (vaping only) for the last 3 years of so, everyday. I am back here to try again and this time has to be final as I can SO SICK of this addiction.

I feel like I am in withdrawal most of the time and it is a constant struggle to even make it to the evening before vaping!

My best mate at school has a full panic attack on weed when we were 13 and he never touched it again. In some weird way I was slightly jealous of this over the years as I felt he could use this as a reason to see why Cannabis was so bad for you.

Do many people smoke/vape in Isreal? In the UK is it like it is legal here in some ways, often people will be just walking around the street (pre-COVID) with a spliff. Crazy times.

PAWS hit me hard for a good 4-5 months last time and even after this it was hard not to be tempted. I think being a bit older and wiser will help a lot this attempt!


I'm way better than the time I wrote this post, still doing my WHM practice, found my solace in books actually. Well I told myself that there is really no reason for me to go back using weed if this is how my mind gets attached to it, someday I will need to stop for any reason and what? again withdrawal and PAWS? it's really not worth it.

In Israel actually it's gonna be legalized this July (not fully of course, but still) just because the black market cannot be stopped by any means, the entire market is built around Telegram, you can read this article (search "Telegrass" on Wikipedia, I can't post URL's since I'm a new user) on the distribution network we had, and after the CEO got arrested other groups just started to distribute, every 7th person or so smokes weed here and unless there are cops around we just smoke everywhere, no one snitches since most of people either smoke or know someone who does.
imso3k
New Member
 
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Dec 23, 2020 11:06 am
Likes Received: 4

#3

Postby Wave » Mon Jan 11, 2021 11:29 am

imso3k wrote:Well I told myself that there is really no reason for me to go back using weed if this is how my mind gets attached to it, someday I will need to stop for any reason and what? again withdrawal and PAWS? it's really not worth it.


Seriously wise words. You said you are 25 well i'm early 30s now and since my wife had a miscarriage I cannot help think that my use of vaping cannabis could have contributed to this. I don't enjoy it at all anymore and tired of the daily withdrawal just to make it to 3pm. I quit when I was around 25 and wish SO MUCH I had stuck with it, two quits over one year. Bad influences always brought me back but none of my local mates so it and so easy just to avoid it and to be honest, to ensure we have the best chance at having a child that alone is a huge motivator I have never had and feels like my final step to being an adult :)


imso3k wrote:In Israel actually it's gonna be legalized this July (not fully of course, but still) just because the black market cannot be stopped by any means, the entire market is built around Telegram, you can read this article (search "Telegrass" on Wikipedia, I can't post URL's since I'm a new user) on the distribution network we had, and after the CEO got arrested other groups just started to distribute


Yea in the UK we have Telegram and overall it just feels so freely available. Thing is though it doesn't make me happy at all, quite the opposite. I gave up drinking a few years ago and enjoy the benefits everyday. This is the final step to manage and so encouraging to hear you are doing better.

imso3k wrote: every 7th person or so smokes weed here and unless there are cops around we just smoke everywhere, no one snitches since most of people either smoke or know someone who does.


Yea a lot of people in the UK do but its the same with drink and now I dont want to drink it is easy not to. I want to get to that point with weed.
Wave
Preferred Member
 
Posts: 770
Joined: Sun Nov 18, 2012 9:47 am
Likes Received: 217

#4

Postby imso3k » Mon Jan 11, 2021 11:59 am

Seriously wise words. You said you are 25 well i'm early 30s now and since my wife had a miscarriage I cannot help think that my use of vaping cannabis could have contributed to this. I don't enjoy it at all anymore and tired of the daily withdrawal just to make it to 3pm. I quit when I was around 25 and wish SO MUCH I had stuck with it, two quits over one year. Bad influences always brought me back but none of my local mates so it and so easy just to avoid it and to be honest, to ensure we have the best chance at having a child that alone is a huge motivator I have never had and feels like my final step to being an adult :)


I'm sorry to hear about the miscarriage, I can tell you that a friend of mine isolated himself with weed after he and his partner lost their dog, I'm not trying to compare the cases by any means, just saying that instead of being with his partner and grief, he just smoked all day, I don't know how she felt about it, but I don't think it was anything good.

I had thoughts about quitting like 3-4 months before actually doing it, I did enjoy it but at the same time I felt like it lost it's point, I can't point the exact moment when I stopped "feeling" but after I stopped smoking I realized that the most basic thing in me (and basically all of human beings) just went numb, the hardest part was realizing that there is no more "2 puffs and it's (bad feelings & thoughts) gone" and what will make it better is a process, and a long one.


Yea a lot of people in the UK do but its the same with drink and now I dont want to drink it is easy not to. I want to get to that point with weed.


I actually stopped drinking the first year I started with weed, with that entire mindset of "it's natural to smoke & has no side effects" and afterwards I just started to mix between them, I wasn't a heavy or daily drinker but I stopped with it too, didn't really want to give my brain something to attach to after just quitting weed.
imso3k
New Member
 
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Dec 23, 2020 11:06 am
Likes Received: 4

#5

Postby Wave » Mon Jan 11, 2021 12:12 pm

imso3k wrote:I'm sorry to hear about the miscarriage, I can tell you that a friend of mine isolated himself with weed after he and his partner lost their dog, I'm not trying to compare the cases by any means, just saying that instead of being with his partner and grief, he just smoked all day, I don't know how she felt about it, but I don't think it was anything good.


No you are right it is just how to deal with grief/issues and stress and what I have noticed lately is how much I rely on it these days. She hates it and has been patient enough. Just need to commit but tomorrow is day 1 for me.

imso3k wrote:the hardest part was realizing that there is no more "2 puffs and it's (bad feelings & thoughts) gone" and what will make it better is a process, and a long one.


Yea to not have that coping mechanism but weed definitely makes me more stressed overall.

imso3k wrote:I actually stopped drinking the first year I started with weed, with that entire mindset of "it's natural to smoke & has no side effects" and afterwards I just started to mix between them, I wasn't a heavy or daily drinker but I stopped with it too, didn't really want to give my brain something to attach to after just quitting weed.


I just don't like alcohol at all. Really doesn't agree with me so its more of I don't get on with it. Nothing like how quitting has been!

What do you plan to replace the time you were using weed? Do you exercise much?
Wave
Preferred Member
 
Posts: 770
Joined: Sun Nov 18, 2012 9:47 am
Likes Received: 217

#6

Postby imso3k » Mon Jan 11, 2021 1:06 pm

What do you plan to replace the time you were using weed? Do you exercise much?


I do walks about 3 times a week to the beach which is about ~5km, started practicing yoga and generally I do some minor daily exercises like push ups, and I read a book before bed.
And when it comes to my sleeping, I slept around 10 hours a day when I was using weed and would wake up half dead, now I sleep around 7 hours which is enough for me to wake up energized.
imso3k
New Member
 
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Dec 23, 2020 11:06 am
Likes Received: 4

#7

Postby Wave » Fri Jan 15, 2021 11:06 pm

Ah that is a good routine, went for an early dog walk this morning and it was so nice not to be thinking about when I was getting back to get high. Already seems a long time ago!

I do 1x week yoga and its great, also started CBT therapy which really helps me keep my head in the game!

Sleep hasnt been good at all, 2 hours last night and no tired at all yet!
Wave
Preferred Member
 
Posts: 770
Joined: Sun Nov 18, 2012 9:47 am
Likes Received: 217

#8

Postby imso3k » Sat Jan 16, 2021 9:16 am

Wave wrote:Ah that is a good routine, went for an early dog walk this morning and it was so nice not to be thinking about when I was getting back to get high. Already seems a long time ago!

I do 1x week yoga and its great, also started CBT therapy which really helps me keep my head in the game!

Sleep hasnt been good at all, 2 hours last night and no tired at all yet!


Does your therapist recommended you any breathing techniques? I found those to really help to first actually fall asleep and second stay asleep.
imso3k
New Member
 
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Dec 23, 2020 11:06 am
Likes Received: 4

#9

Postby Fabulous Furnace » Sun Jan 17, 2021 1:09 am

imso3k
great that you are quitting. hard decision to make. I live in San Diego, California.
I have 191 days today. It was not easy for me but I feel it is best. I smoked for over 30 years.
Many days are challenging. Feeling feelings sober is tough. Cannot escape them with cannabis.
There are Marijuana Anonymous meetings online thru Zoom. you can find meetings at their website or on app.
Take care.
Fabulous Furnace
Preferred Member
 
Posts: 334
Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2012 11:19 pm
Likes Received: 26

#10

Postby imso3k » Sun Jan 17, 2021 8:30 am

Fabulous Furnace wrote:imso3k
great that you are quitting. hard decision to make. I live in San Diego, California.
I have 191 days today. It was not easy for me but I feel it is best. I smoked for over 30 years.
Many days are challenging. Feeling feelings sober is tough. Cannot escape them with cannabis.
There are Marijuana Anonymous meetings online thru Zoom. you can find meetings at their website or on app.
Take care.


I'm not quitting, I've quit.
Thank you for the info I went by that site after I quit and it's only for those who are trying to quit and their 12 steps are all around god, I understand why they are doing it that way but it's really not my thing.

I'm really happy that you're sober for 191 days, I really can't imagine what it is to smoke for 30 years! that's like half of our adult life, are you willing to share just why you smoked for 30 years? or if you already shared it in this forum I would like read the topic.
All the love, all the power!
imso3k
New Member
 
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Dec 23, 2020 11:06 am
Likes Received: 4



  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to Addictions