Patient Therapist Codependence?

Postby tupi4ok » Wed Jan 06, 2021 7:50 am

I broke up with my girlfriend recently, after 3 years, and went into therapy. I have emotional addiction, but getting better.
Recently I learned about codependency, and articles about love addict/love avoidant read like our biography.
She has many significant psychological issues. Some self admitted. But realization that she is almost certainly love avoidant to my love addict tied many of those issues and also our issues together really well.

However, one thing still remained a mystery. For about 7 years she's been seeing a therapist.. Twice a week. During our time her therapist remained an invisible figure, in a sense that my gf didn't change, she didn't do any homework, didn't tell me about any progress.
My friend suggested that she and her therapist are most likely also codependents. That would make sense.
What else could it be? What is the chance that it's me imagining things, going crazy?
I feel good, my recovery is going well.
tupi4ok
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#1

Postby tokeless » Wed Jan 06, 2021 8:06 am

During our time her therapist remained an invisible figure, in a sense that my gf didn't change, she didn't do any homework, didn't tell me about any progress.

She may have made progress for herself and that was enough. She didn't have to tell you about her therapy. In some ways that can be controlling of you... to want to know what she's thinking etc.. it was her therapy.

My friend suggested that she and her therapist are most likely also codependents. That would make sense.

Why would it make sense, because it fills in the gaps you have about her and why she didn't discuss her therapy with you?

Your relationship is over, so move on and be pleased you're doing well for yourself. Her life is hers now.
Best wishes
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#2

Postby tupi4ok » Wed Jan 06, 2021 8:16 am

I don't need to fill the gaps. I found this info almost by accident 2 month after the breakup. Before that I pretty much took all responsibility and it didn't bother me.

I'm genuinely worried for her. She is in depression now. Last time I saw her she looks terrible, even to me. She is locked in her home, completely paralyzed by covid fear. On her therapist's watch, she had two relationships in ruins, terrible anxieties, problems with children.

And still I'm not even suggesting I'm going to save her. Only she can do it.
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#3

Postby tupi4ok » Wed Jan 06, 2021 8:50 am

I look at the situation with total curiosity now. It doesn't make my responsibility any smaller.
I'm fascinated with psychology and genuinely want to know, what could it be.
It's not about her not telling me. I only asked her occasionally how's the therapy going.
It's about her therapist being invisible while she was having many obvious, self admitted problems that she was very unhappy about.
I'm finding a lot of info about the patient-therapist codependence.
She is not rich. And she is paying huge amounts of out of pocket money for these sessions. Money that could be saved for her kids college. What if she actually does have a very bad addiction and needs help?
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