Impulse

Postby Mon26 » Sat Jan 09, 2021 12:29 am

Hi all. I’ve never openly discussed my anger and for once I’ve realized enough is enough and a little advise is what I’m seeking. I don’t know where to begin to fix me. I’m a ticking time bomb , any little thing can put on edge. I’m very impulsive when I’m angry , I say hurtful things and INSTANTLY regret them but I refuse to take them back. I push people away. I scream off the top of my lungs. Something that can be fixed by talking to turns into the end of the world with me. I don’t know how to change , I can’t live like this.
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#1

Postby laureat » Sat Jan 09, 2021 12:28 pm

it is a state of mind, you have to change
instead looking for a fight try looking for work and play,
and the level of your tolerance, you should not panic for minor mistakes that people always make, dont look for a fight
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#2

Postby Leo Volont » Sun Jan 10, 2021 12:52 am

Hi Laureat,

Well, yes, it would be great if we could all go on vacation, preferably in an East Asian Country where the high standards for Civilization account for smooth non-abrasive manners among the populations generally but especially in the servers that vacationers would interact with. Even the most anger prone people could be anger free in such situations. It seems that Confucius knew all about Anger Triggers and codified a manner of living where it was forbidden that people push each other's buttons.

But most people with Anger Management Issue are living high stress lives. I've seen it time and time again on this Forum that there is plenty of good advice I can give, but after listening to all the stressors that they are confronting, well, I would be amazed and have profound respect for such people if they could successfully begin to deal with their Anger Issues while everything that provokes their anger is still beating them over the head.

Really, it is one of the reasons I believe we should live in a Socialist State with a lot of planning and provisions for a lot of social intervention. In such a state people who are crossing a certain threshold in regards to anger displays could be evaluated for stress, and if it is their jobs, or maybe particular co-workers, then they could be transferred. But stress does not go away over night. The Amygdala, the gland in our brain that squirts out Anger Juice, well (cortisol), it gets leaky under chronic stress which tends to give stress some inertia... it takes time to wind down. So people should get evaluated for Stress Induced Anger and put on Vacation, not just for their own good but for the sake of everybody. Angry People are Real Bummers, right? Also, in many cases, such as with Spousal Abuse, Anger can actually lead to serious harm. Many Gun Rampages are probably just really blown up Stress Related Anger Issues.

Yeah, the Psychological Community knows how to treat for Anger Management. But we can't control the patient's environment. It is like trying to put out a House Fire in the middle of a Forest Fire.

So, yeah, Lauriet, are you really advising people to "take a break" from their spouses (does saying "Honey I can't deal with right now" make things better or make things worse?), to likewise walk away from their Bosses and Co-workers when they begin to pile on the work and make difficult demands or impose frustrating obstacles to your own priorities? Laureat, it's just not possible. People do not CHOOSE stress. Stress is imposed by our Society.

I love giving advice on this Forum but I realize that it is mostly futile. And you might as well be telling everybody that what they need is a nice Swiss Skiing Vacation. Just rent a Chalet for six months and that will fix them right up. Yeah, you'd be right.
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#3

Postby laureat » Sun Jan 10, 2021 8:58 am

we cannot choose what other people do,
but we can choose what we focus on and what we do. so that means we have a lot what we can choose; work, play, rest, so you are busy doing something good, you put yourself in different state of the mind instead of finding an excuse you find something else, whatever you search for you are going to find
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#4

Postby Leo Volont » Wed Jan 13, 2021 5:01 am

laureat wrote:we cannot choose what other people do,
but we can choose what we focus on and what we do. so that means we have a lot what we can choose; work, play, rest, so you are busy doing something good, you put yourself in different state of the mind instead of finding an excuse you find something else, whatever you search for you are going to find


Hi Laureat,

Wow, I got to congratulate you on your luck and maybe even in your skill and abilities in being able to attain to a life of independent wealth, security and a dash of privilege. Apparently the only stressors in your life are those you actively seek. But most of us, and probably all of us who have Anger Issues don't have the option of picking and choosing our stressors.
Yeah, I've met people who seek out angry confrontations, but it is likely that such behavior is a result of a pathology where a life of too much unwanted stress eventually broke their amygdalas and got them addicted to the cortisol, or the cortisol just keeps leaking out no matter what they do.

But, yeah, only the upper crust of our society can smile and cheerfully tell us how much Free Will we have. Nobody chooses to be poor, harried and miserable. Really, the challenge in Anger Management Circles is to convince people not to give in to Anger when really it seems like the only choice they do have. Our productive advise must largely consist of "don't rattle your chains. In will only chaff your wrists".
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#5

Postby laureat » Sat Jan 16, 2021 6:14 pm

it is a state of the mind. if you hate oneself.
you cannot hate oneself forever.
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#6

Postby Leo Volont » Sun Jan 17, 2021 9:18 am

laureat wrote:it is a state of the mind. if you hate oneself.
you cannot hate oneself forever.


Some people just have no perseverance.
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