The "True Self"

Postby Krennel » Sat Jan 09, 2021 8:02 pm

THE VERO SCENARIO
Visualize your feelings about yourself as a three-sided scale. While balanced, or minimally temporarily unbalanced, you remain at peace, with contentment.
VERO references three possible sets of feelings common to most people. The scenario references not necessarily the truth of a person, but instead their perception of themselves. The three possible sets of feelings involve personal association as either the Villain, the Victim, or the Hero.
Could not someone in an abusive situation feel like the cause of the situation, instead of the victim? Could a criminal feel they were forced into their actions as if a victim or hostage, while still being pleased with the benefits of their actions? As a hero type, could one become over confident, pushy, or overbearing? Or conversely fearful of situations where their role might switch to that of the victim? In relation to fictional roles, might the hero face fear of not preforming their best, or up to their claims, displacing blame or anger, to cover their lack of ability? Could such fear lead to risk taking, depression and "try hard" actions?
The following events will be related and analyzed for the potential of unbalanced VERO feelings.
Two young adults are out fishing near a dam, currently in a high-water situation. Lack of game fish has changed active-casting to more of a drip-netting action. The mother and father of one young adult randomly show up and approach. Noticing a small bait fish beached on the concrete of the dam, the mother advances to return it to the water. Attempting it's return to the water, the mother steps onto the fresh algae near the edge of the water. As she slips into the log-filled, churning, high water on the low side of the dam, she death screams. Just beyond her reach, the three onlookers are powerless to assist her; they look from the edge but the mother has immediately disappeared under the water. The son and father remain at the edge, while the friend rushes to find anything to toss to her when or if she resurfaces. While the friend searches, runs for professional help to be sent, and gets a message to the rest of family(events prior to the common cellular phone era), the son dives into the water. By fortunate chance, both son and mother are spat out of the dam and swept downstream at the same time and near each other. The father, unable to swim, remains anxiously on the shore, following their progress downstream.
The friend returns from potentially helpful actions, to an empty scene. The alarm has been raised for some time and volunteer and professional rescue personnel begin arriving, heading downstream. The friend heads towards his home and then the hospital, leaving further rescue to the professionals.
Both the son and the mother are rescued from the strong current, revived, and treated for hypothermia; in all physical aspects recovered. All is well, mostly. For some time, the mother, understandably, suffers from a feeling of drowning while she sleeps, especially when covered with blankets, but this eventually fades to a rare occurrence. The father and mother treat the son as an example to the other children. The son begins participating in a wide variety of activities, various in nature. The friend seems mostly unchanged. Overall, the situation turns out not horribly.
Depending on each personal interpretation, additional events occur, radiating out from that day. The father and mother’s next youngest child, usually the rebel of the family, becomes more rebellious. The son would rush into adult life, and activities. The friend would be bothered by any screaming for some time.
Initially each character seems like their role is clear. No villain, all are victims of some sort. And at least one is the classic hero. However, remember, we are not focusing on the truth but each characters personal opinion of themselves.
As an initial starting point, might we give the father and mother a hero token as decent, loving parents. The first token that might tip the scale perhaps is given as a villain to almost any of them. If either the son or the friend felt responsible for being at the location where the events occurred, or the father or mother suggested to the other to go there, they might feel like the cause of the situation. Similarly, the second token might go to any of the characters if they felt they should have warned the others about the danger of the wet slippery algae-coated concrete, or noticed it for themselves. Could the mother feel like the cause of the situation by trying to save the fish? Or perhaps she could feel as the hero for attempting to save the fish? As she actually slipped, the mother could gain a victim token and, as the cause of the situation was nature itself, no villain token would apply.
Although a natural reaction to the situation, the scream could be rationalized as a villain token toward the mother, if she feels that her scream negatively affected any of the others. Any character negatively affected by the scream could reasonably receive a victim token. Watching your loved one go under the churning water and being powerless to prevent it, the realization of possible death, or the actual death of a loved one could all grant a victim token. In the father's role, a victim token could be granted each time he sees them floating downstream, still unable to assist.
Diving into the water in attempt to rescue his mother could easily grant the son a hero token, depending on a point-of-view, possibly a victim token also. Did his decision stress the father and the friend?; perhaps a villain token applies? It would all depend on his personal point of view.
While those events transpire, does the friend earn a villain token? Being the one to inform others of the stressful events, causing them anxiety, perhaps a villain token? Or maybe a hero token for getting help and news to the family? It would depend on the friend's personal feelings toward how the news was taken. The fine volunteer and professional rescue personnel also face potentially all three tokens, based on their feelings about their own choices and actions.
As part of the situation, the post-event feelings could also hand out various tokens. Could the mother not potentially assign herself villain, victim, or hero tokens, depending if she feels a burden to her family as she recovers, if she feels sad for herself, or excessive confidence for surviving? For the father and mother, could they not receive any of the tokens based off how they felt about the aftermath effect on their other children? For the son, might he not give himself a villain or victim token for the post-event changes to his lifestyle, or the fear of it's loss? Could the friend not feel villainous or victimized if he believes he could of changed any of the post-events that he noticed happening?
Each of the types of tokens are so very different and affected by each individual view of each situation, even noticing an unbalancing could be difficult, even before trying to figure out some type of treatment. Does an abused person feel deep down like a victim? A villain for being the "cause for the abuse"? Or the hero for saving the abuser from punishment?
When trying to help someone potentially unbalanced in the VERO scenario, the first key to remember as an observer is that your opinion of how others are expected to feel, based off society's standard, is not how everyone feels at their own core. Also, once unbalanced, feelings may tend to reinforce themselves even in minor situations that previously may not of affected an individual as strongly.
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To help someone "villainous":
We ask: are they a real villain if they feel regretfully about their actions that sparked these feelings? The realization that they aren't absolute evil could be a critical step towards balance. Avoid telling them how things “are”. Rather, focus on telling them how others see the situation, with a follow up of logical positive reinforcement techniques.
Time for becoming balanced will vary individually, but it would be reasonable to expect a longer recovery for ones having longer terms of negative feelings, and for ones where the details of the event can only be gathered from the villain.
For the victim, they might need agreement that their feelings are legitimate to a various amount. If they frequently display a victimized persona, others may not realize that each situation is different for each person, no matter how trivial an event seems to them personally. Especially if being a victim is used to draw attention, recognizing them as a victim should be done in as private a setting as possible, with only light negative reinforcement. Especially for long term victims, it's likely to require professional help in order for feelings of victimization to decline. However, if assistance is declined, the suggestion that the situation might not be as severe as suggested might make the victim reconsider how many victim tokens they really have, and choose for themselves to rebalance to some degree.
Helping the excessive hero could be difficult. The legitimate hero should feel positive about their actions, and their opinion will likely be reinforced by society. Should excessive hero feelings be noticed overtaking the individual, a cautious approach promoting modestly, and that others ideas having merit, might start equalizing the situation. Without being harsh, advancing the idea that each situation could have different outcomes, even with the same characters, may benefit them. They may realize that in the future a modest attitude would be better for them should another situation arise and the outcome not be in their favor.
Along with attempting to assist them, monitor your own feelings; not adding villain tokens to yourself by being harsh, or victim tokens feeling burdened by others expressions, or becoming the “solve anything” overconfident hero.

Everyday I tell myself, "I'm not a villain!"
Sometimes I tell myself, "I'm not the victim."
And although rare, sometimes I have to tell myself, "Your not a hero for fighting off the villain, or helping the victim, it's just how it is."
Krennel
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