Manipulative and emotionaly abusive older sister

Postby MayaSaya » Mon Feb 15, 2021 2:24 pm

Hi,
Well, my problem is my older sister ( 8 years older) who, I am pretty sure, has emotionaly abused me most of my life. She made a huge scene a few years back when I was visiting her with my baby. We were alone in her house (she lives solo) and I was scared to say anything, I kind of freezed, and couldn`t react. I was without my own a car and couldn`t even pack my things and leave just like that as I live far away from her.
Ever since then, I don`t like visiting alone, I told her, however, a few days later on the phone, that I didn`t like her outburst and jealousy and the way she is treating me.We had a huge fight on the phone... She did change a bit, but I am certain that deep inside she is just the same. I can feel it when we talk, the tone of her voice, I know her too well.

Basicaly, she hates the fact that I am married, have a kid, a husband, a life that I built after our parents died...
She called me a Monster after I had a baby, and only because I didn`t call her as frequently as before... She told me many things that are actually showing that she is miserable, toxic, judgemental... It has been going for too long, that pattern of dynamic between us... There are things she told me that our mom wouldn`t allow herself, and my sister thinks that she is entited to call me this or that, or that she thinks that she deserves to be my top priority.
She still expects loyalty to her, above all, above, loyalty to my new family, to my real family, she still doesn`t get it, and it is still no big deal for her. It is so frustrating for me and I am so mad at myself for not being able to deal with it.

She is jelaous and has on many occasions manipulated me, emotionaly blackmailed me, but I became aware of it not before my baby was born. It was a gradual, very slow, realisation that actually, my sister manipulated and dominated my life, most of my life. It is a sad fact.
Before everything, I was very close to her, called her all the time... But always, there way this feeling that I wanted to please her and that I am afraid of her in a way. Now I am not really sure that I like her at all any more. I don`t feel confident or comfortable to spend a few days with her without my husband (she is afraid of him, in a way...)...
I am still very bothered with that incident, it still lingers in my head and I cannot get rid of it.
Is it possible that her influence and power in my life is something I wasn`t aware of, wasn`t paying attention?
How should I act if it happend again?
MayaSaya
New Member
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Feb 15, 2021 1:32 pm
Likes Received: 0


#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Feb 15, 2021 9:26 pm

MayaSaya wrote:Is it possible that her influence and power in my life is something I wasn`t aware of, wasn`t paying attention?


It is possible. And it is equally possible that she is not aware. But the extent to which you were not aware or she is or is not aware of her influence/power is irrelevant at this point. The discussion of "awareness" is in the past. Let the past go.

How should I act if it happend again?


Now that you are aware, it cannot happen again without your permission. If you allow it to happen in the future, then you are to blame, not your sister. You are now 100% aware that your sister is a person that you want to have very firm boundaries or limits with. Write them down.
Richard@DecisionSkills
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 11239
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:25 am
Likes Received: 1174

#2

Postby MayaSaya » Tue Feb 16, 2021 6:32 am

Thank you, it sounds so simple, and probably is the only way to deal with it.
MayaSaya
New Member
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Feb 15, 2021 1:32 pm
Likes Received: 0



  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to Relationships