Help me!

Postby brandon1977 » Fri Feb 19, 2021 3:28 pm

:cry:

I'm 43. Have two young kids. Moms out of the picture. Have a girlfriend who has a young son. We're on the rocks.

I have untreated anxiety. Real bad. It's tan my whole life. I have depression.

I'm also coming to realize I have anger and lash out. Not at work, not in the general public. Mainly to the people I love at home.

I get stressed easily. Always have. For example I'll yellnl real loud or punch a wall or lash out with mean comments or even call a name.

I've been doing a lot of self evaluation lately. I never knew my real dad. I had step dad who was a good guy growing up. But once I asked if he was my real dad I think something inside me broke. I never treated him the same after. And now I'm thinking this has had a huge impact on my life.

I have closeness issues. Not with a woman really. But more like everybody else. My girlfriend's son. I don't wanna be like this.

I have an appointment with a doctor my depression and anxiety. But I don't understand the anger stuff.

Help desperately needed!
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#1

Postby desperate788 » Fri Feb 19, 2021 5:05 pm

What kind of help do you want?
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#2

Postby brandon1977 » Fri Feb 19, 2021 7:50 pm

Anger? How to treat it. Who do I talk to? Anything. What helped you people?

I'm seeing a psychiatrist that handles the medicine aspect for anxiety and depression. Appointment is made.

But some insight on anger would be helpful.
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#3

Postby desperate788 » Fri Feb 19, 2021 7:58 pm

Read leo's posts he is the anger expert. I have an anger problem too but its covered i think.
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#4

Postby Leo Volont » Sat Feb 20, 2021 6:32 am

Good Morning Brandan,

Yes, Desperate788 was right, that I am one of the sort of resident Self Help Anger Management Experts here. Look below and you can see that I wrote a general purpose essay: “Anger Management Short Term and Long Term”. Up until when I wrote that I would address to people the advise that seemed most to apply to their particular case (many of those posts exist down below). But, really, most Angry People fall within the same bell curve, that is, we are not killing people and setting houses on fire, but we are scaring our loved ones, trouble making our careers into dead ends, and knocking ourselves off of all the social invitations lists. Anger is seriously crimping our Quality of life.

Yes, I think in your case it is that you are under a lot of stress. Really, you needn’t blame yourself, not entirely. You see, Modern Society and the Social Infrastructures aren’t really designed for Human Beings. Our modern communities and all of our housing arrangements, from even the swanky suburbs to apartment complexes and housing projects, well, they are all derived from the Model of Industrialists finding shanty housing for their workers. The housing we live in is not for OUR benefit, not primarily, no, it is designed to make us available to THEM. Our well being is a second thought. Over the last couple of Centuries we have grown to assume that the Way we live is the Right Way. Well, obviously not. If we go back into various traditions and ways of living, among people who had the resources to do whatever they wanted to, we find that Men and Woman lived in separate quarters. Early in the industrial revolution it was determined that Male Workers if made to sleep with the Female Workers would have plenty of Child Labor which was really the preferred Labor at the time. We were being penned together to copulate like animals. In traditional settings, men and woman socialized and slept apart except for the prescribed Social Hours (family meals, or social events such as Balls and Dances), and sleeping together was set aside as, well, times for planned discretionary romance, and not just sharing a room with a woman who would hog all the closet space.

So, yes, while “Living Together” seems to be what people think of as a “commitment”, I feel it is largely misguided. I really think that “couples” need separate quarters, and should only mix at times then they are on their best behavior and even dressed up for the occasion. I think people live too isolated. Women tend to have close friendships, and it if wasn’t for their living with their husbands they would be better off living with each other. Imagine that if many women lived together in a Communal Setting, well, there would always be somebody that could watch the children, right? Men could drop by for Supper in the Communal Dining Area and then stay for Social Hour. They could sneak off for Trysts on occasion but basically just see their Loved Ones in small enough doses so that it would not build up into being a burden, a hassle, an imposition. And, best of all, Men could continue on as Men.

BUT, we do not live in my Dream World Perfect Utopia. Men are supposed to be able to live with girls and like it, to tolerate all their fussiness without ever snapping, and to reverse the determinism of Nature by allowing the Weaker Sex to domesticate the Stronger. You know that women really do use it against us, that men cannot decently strike a woman, because then there is really no resort against all their creeping demands and expectations. It is always Push Push Push Push. It’s never enough. No sacrifice is too great to be deemed too little. The Life of a Married Man imprisoned with his Wife is one of perpetual creeping Surrender, a continuous emasculation. And the irony of it is that not even the women are pleased with the results. Just as soon as a wife drains her husband of life and vitality, well, she falls in love with a Bad Boy and tells you that “it isn’t your fault” that “you two have simply grown apart” and that “Dirk” understand better who she has become. Well, that’s just baloney, that Dirk is only the man you used to be before you gave your wife everything she demanded of you.

So, yes, Brandon, none of this can be blamed on you. However, we all have to deal with this somehow, right? We can shake our fists against the sky and rave against the injustice and insanity of it all, but we will seem the crazy ones. This is what happens when Dysfunction has been Normalized, that Healthiness becomes the New Abnormal.

But, yes, Brandon, read my essay below “Anger Management Short Term and Long Term” and that should put you on your way to an informed start into Anger Management Self Help. Please let me know what you think. I’ll remember to check back on the Site here once or twice a day. .... Oh, I had typed this out on a clean word document and then pasted it in the wrong POST. Ooops. Glad I came back to check on it.
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#5

Postby brandon1977 » Sat Feb 20, 2021 11:49 am

It's not just anger. I have extremely bad anxiety. It's been that way my whole life. It's held me back from almost everything. I have an appointment with a doc for some meds to try and sort that out. I don't think I've really ever felt happy inside maybe. I feel like the anger is a byproduct of my stress that's just never under control.

I'm tired of worrying constantly. I'm tired of being stressed. It's ruining everything.
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#6

Postby brandon1977 » Sat Feb 20, 2021 11:50 am

I'm going to get some books by that guy you recommend. What would be a good first book or two?
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#7

Postby desperate788 » Sat Feb 20, 2021 12:50 pm

brandon1977 wrote:It's not just anger. I have extremely bad anxiety. It's been that way my whole life. It's held me back from almost everything. I have an appointment with a doc for some meds to try and sort that out. I don't think I've really ever felt happy inside maybe. I feel like the anger is a byproduct of my stress that's just never under control.

I'm tired of worrying constantly. I'm tired of being stressed. It's ruining everything.

I know what you are talking about. Have similar stress problem. My brain chemistry deterioriated so much from stress and stress hormones it takes ages to recover.
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#8

Postby brandon1977 » Sat Feb 20, 2021 2:44 pm

Also, my anger doesn't really affect me with strangers and work. Everyone thinks I'm nice and calm. I've held the same job for over 20 years.

It's my significant other and my kids who I'm shittiest to. It hurts me to say that.
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#9

Postby Leo Volont » Sun Feb 21, 2021 2:09 am

brandon1977 wrote:It's not just anger. I have extremely bad anxiety. It's been that way my whole life. It's held me back from almost everything. I have an appointment with a doc for some meds to try and sort that out. I don't think I've really ever felt happy inside maybe. I feel like the anger is a byproduct of my stress that's just never under control.

I'm tired of worrying constantly. I'm tired of being stressed. It's ruining everything.


Hi Brandon. NO! Do not let them put you on any of the Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor drugs (and that is what everything is nowadays... the same drug, modified to get around patent protections (which means that we've lost track of the good most effective drug while everybody is churning out Second Bests to get in on the action).

Just do some on line searches. Start with https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective ... t_of_SSRIs

Here is a short List of the things: Marketed

Neurotransmitter transporters inhibitors
Serotonin transporter inhibitors
Antidepressants
Citalopram (Celexa)
Escitalopram (Lexapro)
Fluoxetine (Prozac)
Fluvoxamine (Luvox)
Paroxetine (Paxil)
Sertraline (Zoloft)
Structures
Others
Dapoxetine (Priligy)
Structures
Discontinued
Antidepressants
Indalpine (Upstène)
Zimelidine (Zelmid)
Structures
Never marketed
Antidepressants
Alaproclate (GEA-654)
Centpropazine
Cericlamine (JO-1017)
Femoxetine (Malexil; FG-4963)
Ifoxetine (CGP-15210)
Omiloxetine
Panuramine (WY-26002)
Pirandamine (AY-23713)
Seproxetine ((S)-norfluoxetine)
Structures
Related drugs
Although described as SNRIs, duloxetine (Cymbalta), venlafaxine (Effexor), and desvenlafaxine (Pristiq) are in fact relatively selective as serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SRIs).[150] They are about at least 10-fold selective for inhibition of serotonin reuptake over norepinephrine reuptake.[150] The selectivity ratios are approximately 1:30 for venlafaxine, 1:10 for duloxetine, and 1:14 for desvenlafaxine.[150][151] At low doses, these SNRIs act mostly as SSRIs; only at higher doses do they also prominently inhibit norepinephrine reuptake.[152][153] Milnacipran (Ixel, Savella) and its stereoisomer levomilnacipran (Fetzima) are the only widely marketed SNRIs that inhibit serotonin and norepinephrine to similar degrees, both with ratios close to 1:1.[150][154]

Vilazodone (Viibryd) and vortioxetine (Trintellix) are SRIs that also act as modulators of serotonin receptors and are described as serotonin modulators and stimulators (SMS).[155] Vilazodone is a 5-HT1A receptor partial agonist while vortioxetine is a 5-HT1A receptor agonist and 5-HT3 and 5-HT7 receptor antagonist.[155] Litoxetine (SL 81-0385) and lubazodone (YM-992, YM-35995) are similar drugs that were never marketed.[156][157][158][159] They are SRIs and litoxetine is also a 5-HT3 receptor antagonist[156][157] while lubazodone is also a 5-HT2A receptor antagonist.[158][159]
............................
...........................

My concern is that nearly all the effectiveness studies relate to patients INITIAL response to the drugs. But long term studies show that people's Body Chemistry tends to revert to NORMAL. Brandon, the drug effectively takes your body by surprise and things change for a while, but the body fights to get back to it's own normal. People need to up their dosages. Then there are the Side effects.

Then there is the Withdrawal Trap. It is harder to get off of these things then heroin. I was just on a low dosage for a a while some 20 years ago. The stuff never helped any in the first place. You see, Brandon, we live in a Puritanical World where the Food and Drug Administration refuses to allow any simple Euphoric Drug on the Market. Drugs have to cure or ameliorate pathological symptoms. Just making people feel BETTER is not enough. So the SSRI Drugs DON'T make you feel better, just different. Nothing changed for me and so i stopped but then WOW! it was terrible. Vertigo so bad you wouldn't know up from down. then there was YEARS of Brain Zaps. At first they were longish... a second or two. A Brain Zap is like an electric shock that seems to shut down your who nervous system, you actually begin to fall down. I think the heart must stop. All balance is lost. Damn! I used to ride a motorcycle. Imagine being in the middle of a turn and suddenly getting a Brain Zap that makes you DEAD for a second. And they go on for years, though milder.... still happens when I have been napping and first wake up and rise to my feet, there will be the SKITCH that happens in my brain where you still get the idea that for that fraction of a second everything just shuts down. Brandon, the Pharmaceutical Companies that turn out this POISON are making billions of dollars. The Politicians are being paid off. Everybody is afraid to quit these things because of the side effects. The dosage goes up over time. I've heard the DOCTORS are given REBATES to get new patients HOOKED. Brandon, stay away from that BUZZ-SAW. It would be just one more problem and don't you already have a full plate of crap that you have to choke down? And, remember, your Doctor is not your friend. Whatever you are paying him now is nothing compared to the amount he will get rebated every time your renew your prescription for the rest of your life.... I've heard some Doctors have been able to retire in their Forties on just the rebates coming in from people they hooked on these SSRIs.

So, yeah, I recently took Psych 101 for the second time in my life (to see if anything changed since the mid seventies). And, yeah, people each have their own baseline. My baseline is happy. Even when I'm miserable and depressed I'm still "cheerful". It makes it difficult to see what is going on. A few years back I was crippled with advanced degenerative osteoarthritis of the hip joints and the only way they could tell I was depressed was from a lot of the secondary marginal symptoms such as appetite and sleep pattern problems. But when I wasn't wincing in pain I was grinning. but with you, it is probably reversed. You are probably sort of glum even when you are "happy" or rather "content".

Brandon, be the person you are meant to be. Brandon, yeah, it's nice being "cheerful" but I also come across socially as shalllow... a light weight. Brandon, people would take you SERIOUS, right? There are worse things in the World.

Have you thought of writing Fiction. Anxiety would be a great back drop for Gothic, right?

Well, let me see what else you posted.....
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#10

Postby Leo Volont » Sun Feb 21, 2021 12:37 pm

brandon1977 wrote:I'm going to get some books by that guy you recommend. What would be a good first book or two?


Oh! I was going to check the rest of your comments but got called away. Now I'm back.

I went to the Big Online Book Retailer and looked at Ronald Potter-Efron's books... wow! he keeps publishing new books all the time. Well, he is a specialist in applying Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which works for everything (even Anxiety and Depression... as long as it has anything to do with cognitive process, even just on a tangent). Read the product descriptions and reviews for "Angry All the Time", "Letting Go of Anger", "Rage" and "The Angry Brain". If you want to work on your anger with Reading Therapy, get all 4. "Rage" might be more than you need but "Rage" is written in an interesting style where Potte-Efron seems to be relating to the reader in a visceral connected way, at their own level, by shaming them into working on their Anger. It might make interesting reading because at least you can say "Heck, I'm not that bad".
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