OCD and childhood sexual mistakes

Postby regretman30 » Thu Feb 25, 2021 10:38 am

Hello everybody

I'm a 30 years old man. To be honest, I'm a straight guy who don't have any attraction to men.

But since last year, I started remembering an inappropriate sexual thing I did with my brother when I was 13 and he's 11.

At that time, I shared same bed with him. One night, when he was sleeping, I pulled down his short and rubbed my penis between his buttocks. I had no intention of penetrating and the fact was I did not touch his anal or penetrate into him because I didn't want to awake him.

When I did this, I known it's wrong. But deeply in my mind, I thought that real sex is only between male and female, I didn't really know what "gay" is.

After that, we was growing up as normal guys, had no sexual attraction to male. I forgot this stuff for nearly 17 years and our relationship is good.

But since I recovered this memory, I feel guilty and anxious everyday. My obsession about this event develops to OCD. I'm always in two mind: It's normal experimentation between boys, or I abused him? The real event is that I didn't force or use violence and no penetration, but he was sleeping so there was no consent. I wonder if my case is considered as rape?.

Please help me.
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#1

Postby Candid » Fri Feb 26, 2021 1:31 pm

"It's normal experimentation between boys"
or at least it would be, if he'd been participating. But if he didn't wake up, it can't bother him—so why does it bother you?

I personally would file it under masturbation. Whatever it was, it certainly wasn't rape.
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#2

Postby regretman30 » Sun Feb 28, 2021 2:22 pm

Thank you for your response. I have many "what if" question because of ocd. I'm afraid that he known what I did and just pretended to sleep because he didn't want to make me ashamed. Anyway, your answer help me too much. I will not seek for reassurance anymore.

Thanks alot Candid.
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