Please help....question re my situation/paws

Postby Ghostnomore » Mon Mar 01, 2021 2:32 pm

Reposted, thank you

Hello, so glad to have found this site. I am 23 year former marijuana smoker, off and on but mostly on. Have hid it from my relationships although I'm almost sure my fiance suspects I use. Anyways had a really bad attack in June 2020. Was smoking high concentrate THC oil, and even these may have not been the real thing as these were bought on the black market

Decided to quit in June(quit vaping nicotine vapes in March due to covid)...immediatelybegan obsessive crying for days. Also had porn addiction that would tie in to smoking. Stopped everything and began crying obsessively.

In August something terrifying happened; I usually speak to my GF daily and there was a blackout due to the storm in her area. I had terrible thoughts she was hurt and went to check on her. I do not drive and live in NYC, she lives in suburbs of long Island.

Took hour ride near her house by train and 5 mile bike ride after I got off train to her house. Her expression was shock as I've never done this before. Was crying on the way there(cried 2 weeks after I stopped the oils BTW, 2 weeks daily, couldn't even speak sometimes)...here we are 7 months later and almost daily I still have unwanted repetitive thoughts about her being harmed or my family being harmed. Live very close to her now, a bike ride away...the ocd ebbs and flows. Have had thoughts of harming myself as the mental pain is too great sometimes.

Just want to return to normalcy, have not taken any medication or have seen a therapist...sometimes I feel like things were better when I was smoking the oils. Have had ocd episodes now that I think about it over the years, but never like this. Any advice is appreciated thank you for reading I know it's long
Ghostnomore
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