I am straight but many people tell me that I act like girls

Postby Andrew » Wed Mar 10, 2021 3:50 pm

Is there something wrong with me?
I'm 21 years old and I'm a straight guy. However, many people even my close friends tell me that I usually act and sound like a girl. This make me keep thinking about my sexuality and sometimes I can not get rid of questioning myself.
Here is something about me:
- I sound a bit girly and usually act like a girl( in the way I talk, gestures) although I want to be more masculine.
- I'm not into sports but I'm totally fine when taking or watching some of them
- I'm quite sensitive, easy of approaching and sometime kind of not confident or may be introvert
- I can do household chores and I like cooking
- I'm kind of a nerd
- I don't think I am effeminate, instead I'm a man of a firm stuff
- I like the feeling of being alone and love quiet, sad song (sometimes I listen to rocks)
- I like listening to people and giving them advices, I love helping others with everything I know
For years, I wonder whether I'm gay or not but I find no interest in guys. I used to have a girlfriend but our relationship didn't last long. I have never had sex and yes to some certain extent I am going crazy for sex. Sometimes I even dream about having sex with girls. I have normal sex drive and still find girls attractive and sexy. Some people who first meet me think that I'm gay but for me the thought of being with a guy doesn't seem natural at all. I do have male friends and some of them are very closed to me. May be because of the way I sound and act, girls seem to be not very interested in me.
The question of my sexuality, why I am like this keep being in my head for years and I feel depressed about it.
Does anyone know or have the same problems? Can you give me some advices?
Andrew
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Mar 10, 2021 4:54 pm

Andrew wrote:Is there something wrong with me? Can you give me some advices?


Sure. I can give you some advice. Stop listening to what other people say.

Decide for yourself who you are and what you like. Decide for yourself your values, your beliefs, your ethics. Decide for yourself how to live your life. Decide for yourself what is morally right or wrong. Decide for yourself what goals you have in life and how to get there.

Write down what you value, write down your beliefs, write down who you are and who you are not! Start a journal. Over time your values will evolve, how you think will evolve as you update your journal. Take control.

Once you start the above process you will no longer need to ask others if they believe that there is something wrong with you. What another person believes is not important. DO YOU BELIEVE there is something wrong with you? That is what matters. Don't give power over to someone else to tell you what is right or wrong about you.

The above stated, I realize it is hypocritical to say "Stop listening to what other people say" while at the same time giving you advice. But I don't mean it to be taken literally. You can listen to what other people say, but be a skeptic. Don't ever simply accept what someone else says. Learn to evaluate and make up YOUR mind.
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#2

Postby davidbanner99@ » Fri Mar 12, 2021 10:34 pm

Andrew wrote:Is there something wrong with me?
I'm 21 years old and I'm a straight guy. However, many people even my close friends tell me that I usually act and sound like a girl. This make me keep thinking about my sexuality and sometimes I can not get rid of questioning myself.
Here is something about me:
- I sound a bit girly and usually act like a girl( in the way I talk, gestures) although I want to be more masculine.
- I'm not into sports but I'm totally fine when taking or watching some of them
- I'm quite sensitive, easy of approaching and sometime kind of not confident or may be introvert
- I can do household chores and I like cooking
- I'm kind of a nerd
- I don't think I am effeminate, instead I'm a man of a firm stuff
- I like the feeling of being alone and love quiet, sad song (sometimes I listen to rocks)
- I like listening to people and giving them advices, I love helping others with everything I know
For years, I wonder whether I'm gay or not but I find no interest in guys. I used to have a girlfriend but our relationship didn't last long. I have never had sex and yes to some certain extent I am going crazy for sex. Sometimes I even dream about having sex with girls. I have normal sex drive and still find girls attractive and sexy. Some people who first meet me think that I'm gay but for me the thought of being with a guy doesn't seem natural at all. I do have male friends and some of them are very closed to me. May be because of the way I sound and act, girls seem to be not very interested in me.
The question of my sexuality, why I am like this keep being in my head for years and I feel depressed about it.
Does anyone know or have the same problems? Can you give me some advices?

This happens to me always but, in my case, it's got a clinical explanation. In short, I have no dominant gender and people notice. I suffered temptation to use it to advantage so females might see me as a challenge. However, the truth is I can sing a bit higher and feel I can more easily talk with women. There is no pressure.
I've been known to make mischief. If a girl jokes to the effect she finds me "girly" as such, I will then tell her best friend what was said but substitute "too butch" for "girly". "Your friend says I'm too butch and should "soften up". Never seems to work, though. They don't bite. Just look aghast.
However the case may be I'm still solitary although I now have a best female friend who phones me. It's not sexual just we enjoy talking.
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#3

Postby davidbanner99@ » Fri Mar 12, 2021 10:39 pm

"Does anyone know or have the same problems? Can you give me some advices?"

Use it to get closer to women. Let them guess. Be yourself.
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#4

Postby Andrew » Sat Mar 13, 2021 3:00 pm

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:
Andrew wrote:Is there something wrong with me? Can you give me some advices?


Sure. I can give you some advice. Stop listening to what other people say.

Decide for yourself who you are and what you like. Decide for yourself your values, your beliefs, your ethics. Decide for yourself how to live your life. Decide for yourself what is morally right or wrong. Decide for yourself what goals you have in life and how to get there.

Write down what you value, write down your beliefs, write down who you are and who you are not! Start a journal. Over time your values will evolve, how you think will evolve as you update your journal. Take control.

Once you start the above process you will no longer need to ask others if they believe that there is something wrong with you. What another person believes is not important. DO YOU BELIEVE there is something wrong with you? That is what matters. Don't give power over to someone else to tell you what is right or wrong about you.

The above stated, I realize it is hypocritical to say "Stop listening to what other people say" while at the same time giving you advice. But I don't mean it to be taken literally. You can listen to what other people say, but be a skeptic. Don't ever simply accept what someone else says. Learn to evaluate and make up YOUR mind.


Thank you so much for your advices. Now I think I know what I should do and I'm much more confident about myself
Andrew
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#5

Postby Andrew » Sat Mar 13, 2021 3:06 pm

davidbanner99@ wrote:
Andrew wrote:Is there something wrong with me?
I'm 21 years old and I'm a straight guy. However, many people even my close friends tell me that I usually act and sound like a girl. This make me keep thinking about my sexuality and sometimes I can not get rid of questioning myself.
Here is something about me:
- I sound a bit girly and usually act like a girl( in the way I talk, gestures) although I want to be more masculine.
- I'm not into sports but I'm totally fine when taking or watching some of them
- I'm quite sensitive, easy of approaching and sometime kind of not confident or may be introvert
- I can do household chores and I like cooking
- I'm kind of a nerd
- I don't think I am effeminate, instead I'm a man of a firm stuff
- I like the feeling of being alone and love quiet, sad song (sometimes I listen to rocks)
- I like listening to people and giving them advices, I love helping others with everything I know
For years, I wonder whether I'm gay or not but I find no interest in guys. I used to have a girlfriend but our relationship didn't last long. I have never had sex and yes to some certain extent I am going crazy for sex. Sometimes I even dream about having sex with girls. I have normal sex drive and still find girls attractive and sexy. Some people who first meet me think that I'm gay but for me the thought of being with a guy doesn't seem natural at all. I do have male friends and some of them are very closed to me. May be because of the way I sound and act, girls seem to be not very interested in me.
The question of my sexuality, why I am like this keep being in my head for years and I feel depressed about it.
Does anyone know or have the same problems? Can you give me some advices?

This happens to me always but, in my case, it's got a clinical explanation. In short, I have no dominant gender and people notice. I suffered temptation to use it to advantage so females might see me as a challenge. However, the truth is I can sing a bit higher and feel I can more easily talk with women. There is no pressure.
I've been known to make mischief. If a girl jokes to the effect she finds me "girly" as such, I will then tell her best friend what was said but substitute "too butch" for "girly". "Your friend says I'm too butch and should "soften up". Never seems to work, though. They don't bite. Just look aghast.
However the case may be I'm still solitary although I now have a best female friend who phones me. It's not sexual just we enjoy talking.


Thank for sharing your story. At least now I know that I'm not alone and there are still many people out there like me. Can you tell me more about the clinical explanation and where can I get one. Thank you in advance and hope you will find a girlfriend soon.
Andrew
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#6

Postby davidbanner99@ » Sat Mar 13, 2021 9:55 pm

Mine is developmental. Somehow no specific role model gender influenced my childhood. I very often feel more female than male. This has bothered me, and I used to be sniggered at by girls. Weirdly, at some point, I started to enjoy women making fun of my "not being man enough". I started to encourage it and perhaps manipulate the process. Besides it's quite genuine. I had this issue from puberty.
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#7

Postby davidbanner99@ » Sun Mar 14, 2021 12:58 am

Funny how gay people differ. I notice such psychology issues as this. My own relationship with women is definitely not assertive. Yet genuinely gay men still seen better able to relate to them than I do. I am mostly attracted to dominant females and am never assertive in female company. Mostly for me it's easier to talk with women and relate to the kind of conversation they have. I'm too passive to try and prove myself as male and stereotyped as opposite Most female friends have very down-to-earth, rough and ready partners. It all used to upset me a lot till finally I realised I could relate to women differently with no pressure. I had sexual experiences at times but never relationships
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#8

Postby OptimalHappiness » Sun Mar 28, 2021 10:16 am

Hi Andrew, I'm 34 yo right now, but at around 21 I had a similar, not the same, issue. For example, I was raised to be a "good boy" as opposed to a "bad boy" stereotype. I like to play video games. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 21 and my next "success" was only 2 years after that original happy days. My voice was kinda "feminine," but in reality it was just high pitch. People called me "gay" in a way I behaved, even though I am perfectly straight (although I don't think there is any issues if anyone is "gay"). I had many self-esteem issues.

Today, I have a great relationship with a girl who I love. No one would call me "feminine" anymore. Overall, all my issues above are solved. So how did I do it?

Well, first of all, all of the above issues came from the way I was raised, so simply said, I had bad information. My salvation came in a form of reading a lot of self-help books on numerous topics, which overall made me a better person. To this day, I am reading and improving and this investment I made into myself was well worth it. Now specifically about every issue mentioned above:

1) "Good boy" vs. "bad boy" stereotype: girls often say that bad boys are hot and good boys are superficial and uninteresting, often preferring to go for someone abusive rather than someone who is a good person. What they really want is someone with confidence and leadership skills, which bad boys have and nice guys lack. Develop these and you are a star!

2) Playing video games: Eventually I stopped doing this and focused on other things in life.

3) My late dating success: Part of what made me "feminine" was not knowing how to deal with other gender. Today, there are million books on this subject. Read these.

4) My high pitch voice: I hated my parents because they never pointed this out but my voice was something else I later on trained to be more deep and commanding.

5) People called I behaved kinda "gay": see point 3.

6) I had many self-esteem issues: Unfortunately, society will bring your self-esteem down and there are many reasons why this happens. However, you can overcome these! Stay strong.

Overall, you just need to do certain things and learn some life skills and you will be good, bro! Read some books. Cheers
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