7.5 months now

Postby Winzu » Sat Mar 13, 2021 3:27 pm

Hi,

I have been quit for almost 8 months now. I used to smoke 3-4 times a week for at least 1.5 years.

The acute withdrawal was heavy, but month 3 was horrific. Extreme anxiety (waiting for impending doom), negative depressive thoughts that I could not stop, restless, highly stressed and always extremely fatigued. I was unable to form personal connections with anyone, I could not speak or think properly. It was agony.

After month 4, I saw change. Instead of being scared for the next stressful event I became more accepting. I felt I became more in control. I started enjoying more bit by bit. I consider this the point in my journey where it switched from torture to a handicap.

Now I am at month 7.5. I just got out of a bad wave that took a couple of days. I am at the point where I enjoy a lot more of life again. I am able to watch TV series again (improved attention span), more productive than during my addiction (still far from optimal) and my libido is there again (not as horny as I used to be yet).

The biggest issues now are head pressure, anhedonia, sensitivity to stress and a little bit of anxiety and insomnia.

It is a horrific experience that changed my personality. I was a very tyrannical person with low empathy and a huge ego. I am much more compassionate now, I got to know what the dark side of life is. It is extremely saddening that there is so much pain and distress in this world.

I hope to become the stronger me very soon now. I promise to let everyone know if I am recovered.
Winzu
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#1

Postby Bootstrap » Sun Mar 14, 2021 8:50 pm

Hi winzu, I have been using this forum to help get through my paws but always looking at old posts so couldn’t join in or comment, I hope you don’t mind me commenting, I am glad you are getting better :D, I am @ 3 and a half months but I had my worst time at month 2, like you tho now I am struggling with anhedonia head pressure a little anxiety but the worst thing is paranoid and negative thoughts, do you still have these or have they gone?. Thanks.
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#2

Postby Winzu » Sun Mar 14, 2021 9:09 pm

Hi Bootstrap, paranoia and negative thoughts are both very rare now. It happens sometimes. But they go very quickly. Hold on, after month 4 it gets a lot better imo
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#3

Postby 9monthquit » Tue Mar 16, 2021 4:31 pm

Good stuff man. I'm 9 months in and I experienced a lot of stuff that you did, and I am almost where you are too. I suddenly can watch TV shows and enjoy video games. I get completely engrossed by them most of the time. When a little bit of stress comes about things start to get messy again, but it's definitely better than before and easier to recover. I've still been having negative thoughts, sometimes they're a bit intense but more manageable than before. I'd say I was in a wave the last couple of days. Regardless, we're all progressing at our own pace. Keep us updated with your progress!
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#4

Postby Winzu » Tue Mar 16, 2021 9:58 pm

9monthquit wrote:Good stuff man. I'm 9 months in and I experienced a lot of stuff that you did, and I am almost where you are too. I suddenly can watch TV shows and enjoy video games. I get completely engrossed by them most of the time. When a little bit of stress comes about things start to get messy again, but it's definitely better than before and easier to recover. I've still been having negative thoughts, sometimes they're a bit intense but more manageable than before. I'd say I was in a wave the last couple of days. Regardless, we're all progressing at our own pace. Keep us updated with your progress!


It really is motivating to be able to watch TV series again! It seems like our timelines are very similar. If I may ask, what was your using history?
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#5

Postby 9monthquit » Wed Mar 17, 2021 6:10 pm

Well my use spanned over 3 years actually, but the first 2 years were much less chronic (1st year was once a week, 2nd year was multiple times a week) It was only in my last year that I consumed every day, often multiple times a day. The guilt of smoking started to build up overtime because I never wanted to accept that I was hooked, but I really was. When I quit, I had a very depressive mood, a lot of anxiety, and many OCD symptoms (especially intrusive suicidal thoughts) What sucked were the negative thoughts from the OCD fed into the depression, and the depression then fed back into the negative thoughts. It was really a downward spiral of destruction. The depressive mood is mostly gone, the intrusive thoughts still linger (though easier to snap out of) and intensify most during waves. Anxiety levels are mostly low except at night before I go to bed. I also experience head pressure and brain fog from time to time.

But I have to stress the fact that all of this is slowly getting better because as people on this forum have established several times: time is the best healer :)
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#6

Postby Bootstrap » Wed Mar 17, 2021 6:16 pm

Thanks for replying and good luck :D :D :D
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#7

Postby Winzu » Thu Mar 18, 2021 1:35 pm

:wink:
9monthquit wrote:Well my use spanned over 3 years actually, but the first 2 years were much less chronic (1st year was once a week, 2nd year was multiple times a week) It was only in my last year that I consumed every day, often multiple times a day. The guilt of smoking started to build up overtime because I never wanted to accept that I was hooked, but I really was. When I quit, I had a very depressive mood, a lot of anxiety, and many OCD symptoms (especially intrusive suicidal thoughts) What sucked were the negative thoughts from the OCD fed into the depression, and the depression then fed back into the negative thoughts. It was really a downward spiral of destruction. The depressive mood is mostly gone, the intrusive thoughts still linger (though easier to snap out of) and intensify most during waves. Anxiety levels are mostly low except at night before I go to bed. I also experience head pressure and brain fog from time to time.

But I have to stress the fact that all of this is slowly getting better because as people on this forum have established several times: time is the best healer :)


Good to hear. At some point you will reach a point where you attitude towards PAWS will change a lot.
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#8

Postby 9monthquit » Thu Mar 18, 2021 5:47 pm

Winzu wrote::wink:
9monthquit wrote:Well my use spanned over 3 years actually, but the first 2 years were much less chronic (1st year was once a week, 2nd year was multiple times a week) It was only in my last year that I consumed every day, often multiple times a day. The guilt of smoking started to build up overtime because I never wanted to accept that I was hooked, but I really was. When I quit, I had a very depressive mood, a lot of anxiety, and many OCD symptoms (especially intrusive suicidal thoughts) What sucked were the negative thoughts from the OCD fed into the depression, and the depression then fed back into the negative thoughts. It was really a downward spiral of destruction. The depressive mood is mostly gone, the intrusive thoughts still linger (though easier to snap out of) and intensify most during waves. Anxiety levels are mostly low except at night before I go to bed. I also experience head pressure and brain fog from time to time.

But I have to stress the fact that all of this is slowly getting better because as people on this forum have established several times: time is the best healer :)


Good to hear. At some point you will reach a point where you attitude towards PAWS will change a lot.


I agree. In some ways PAWS has helped me become a better version of myself, and from your post it seems like you feel the same way in some regard. Are there any supplements that have worked for you? I feel like fish oil and probiotics have really helped regulating my mood and helping me feel better.
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#9

Postby Winzu » Thu Mar 18, 2021 10:11 pm

It makes you aware about different qualities of life, and that it is crucial to become the strongest version of yourself.

For me, besides fish-oil and multi-vitamins, I take magnesium daily. It is extremely helpful.

I’m wondering, a real issue that I am experiencing is this constant ability to crack my joints. My back, knee’s and neck. I am wondering if you or anyone experienced the same?
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#10

Postby FriendlyFriend » Sat Mar 20, 2021 1:00 am

Winzu wrote:Hi,
Now I am at month 7.5. I just got out of a bad wave that took a couple of days. I am at the point where I enjoy a lot more of life again. I am able to watch TV series again (improved attention span), more productive than during my addiction (still far from optimal) and my libido is there again (not as horny as I used to be yet).

I feel the same way at a little over 7 months. It's so nice to be able to just sit on the couch and enjoy a show or two with no worries. Just.. genuine relaxation. I've had background anxiety for so long that it makes me almost suspicious when I'm suddenly free of it, ha.
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#11

Postby Winzu » Sat Mar 20, 2021 2:30 pm

FriendlyFriend wrote:
Winzu wrote:Hi,
Now I am at month 7.5. I just got out of a bad wave that took a couple of days. I am at the point where I enjoy a lot more of life again. I am able to watch TV series again (improved attention span), more productive than during my addiction (still far from optimal) and my libido is there again (not as horny as I used to be yet).

I feel the same way at a little over 7 months. It's so nice to be able to just sit on the couch and enjoy a show or two with no worries. Just.. genuine relaxation. I've had background anxiety for so long that it makes me almost suspicious when I'm suddenly free of it, ha.


It really is. The background anxiety really alters your perception of life in terms of pleasure, thoughts and worries.

I honestly have the feeling that after this point recovery will be a lot faster. I expect big changes for month 8 to 12.
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#12

Postby Magicisreal12345 » Sun Mar 28, 2021 1:03 am

Hey winzu I’m just a little over 8 months myself and notice the same symptoms as you. Let’s get to 12 months and see if these symptoms go away by then. Keep it up
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#13

Postby bawdyheated » Mon Mar 29, 2021 1:20 am

Magicisreal12345 wrote:Hey winzu I’m just a little over 8 months myself and notice the same symptoms as you. Let’s get to 12 months and see if these symptoms go away by then. Keep it up

Twelve months seemed to work for a lot of people. Starting is definitely hard.
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#14

Postby Winzu » Tue Mar 30, 2021 12:38 pm

Month 8

I have been having a hard time these last 2 weeks. I feel ill, weak and have all sorts of symptoms. It has been one of the most difficult periods of the last 4 months.

Saturday was terrible. I almost experienced a panic attack again (last time was month 3). I was watching a movie with friends while I had extreme brain fog. Afterwards my heart rate increased, I felt terrible as if I came down from a MDMA trip. A lot of negative thoughts and physical pains I haven’t experienced for a long time now. When I started walking outside the symptoms reduced a lot but still lingered on for 3 days.

I experience severe anhedonia, negative repeating thoughts, headaches/head pressure (especially behind eyes), extreme brain fog, digestive issues, insomnia, pale face with thin hairs, heart palpitations and anxiety when under stress.

The previous month I considered PAWS to be very manageable. It was exciting to me knowing that I reached a point where life is good and will continue to become way better. Unfortunately, I experienced another heavy wave. I hope that this is soon over and that my next good wave will be even better and longer. So that I will be able to have a normal summer time once again.
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