7.5 months now

#45

Postby 9monthquit » Fri May 14, 2021 7:18 pm

Absolutely man. Your words definitely ease some of the stress. I just dealt with something important yesterday and received some pretty good news, so yesterday and today have actually been 95% PAWS free for me!

I think you're right about the reduced blood circulation. My hair has thinned a lot ever since PAWS started (though my beard / eyelashes / eyebrows have remained the same?!) The exhausted look is absolutely an indicator I've noticed too actually. I never paid much attention to it, but now that you mention it, I recall during the bad times having heavy and shiny eyes (almost like I'm sleepy)

I definitely understand the internet triggering PAWS. When I was back in my prime PAWS days (like 5 months ago, lol) the internet and especially news would really exaggerate my PAWS. To be honest, they still kind of do now, but to a much, much lower degree. Going outside definitely helps.

I totally agree how easy it is to forget the crippling anxiety. I remember waking up almost every night with my heart racing, sometimes not even able to move my body or think a single thought due to anxiety. Waking up in the morning with my heart racing too. Going to bed with my heart racing too. Man, the anxiety really hit hard. I've actually forgotten about those times as the anxiety is diminishing to very minimal amounts for me. There are more and more things sneaking into my list of activities I can do without tripping into a PAWS wave. And the things you mentioned have definitely made it in there. It certainly is a sign that we have recovered so much already. I too believe we will be much healthier. To me, as long as I'm not smoking and wasting my life away high and intoxicated, I'm being productive.
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#46

Postby Winzu » Mon May 17, 2021 9:14 pm

9monthquit wrote:Absolutely man. Your words definitely ease some of the stress. I just dealt with something important yesterday and received some pretty good news, so yesterday and today have actually been 95% PAWS free for me!

I think you're right about the reduced blood circulation. My hair has thinned a lot ever since PAWS started (though my beard / eyelashes / eyebrows have remained the same?!) The exhausted look is absolutely an indicator I've noticed too actually. I never paid much attention to it, but now that you mention it, I recall during the bad times having heavy and shiny eyes (almost like I'm sleepy)

I definitely understand the internet triggering PAWS. When I was back in my prime PAWS days (like 5 months ago, lol) the internet and especially news would really exaggerate my PAWS. To be honest, they still kind of do now, but to a much, much lower degree. Going outside definitely helps.

I totally agree how easy it is to forget the crippling anxiety. I remember waking up almost every night with my heart racing, sometimes not even able to move my body or think a single thought due to anxiety. Waking up in the morning with my heart racing too. Going to bed with my heart racing too. Man, the anxiety really hit hard. I've actually forgotten about those times as the anxiety is diminishing to very minimal amounts for me. There are more and more things sneaking into my list of activities I can do without tripping into a PAWS wave. And the things you mentioned have definitely made it in there. It certainly is a sign that we have recovered so much already. I too believe we will be much healthier. To me, as long as I'm not smoking and wasting my life away high and intoxicated, I'm being productive.


It is good to have found someone who shares a similar journey and is able to intelligently elaborate himself. The blood circulation is really a thing. I found that my whole personality has changed because of PAWS. The sort of behavior I had as a child; introverted, shy and childish. I am progressively becoming myself again, but it still fluctuates and is way different than before.

It is bizarre to realize that the beginning of all this was such agony. Your whole personality and life become non-existent within a couple of months after quitting, and return extremely gradual over a period of months/years. Life is literally on PAUSE, no growth in any aspect of your life. While impatiently waiting for it all to end. Every day you hope that it is finally over. But then you wake up with such physical distress and anxiety as if you chugged 2 liters of beer while falling to sleep, forgetting to drink any water at all. Having to go through all of it again... Every day sucks in a way, you’re hoping that one of these days a ‘good wave’ hits. But instead you feel even worse and end up realizing you were in a ‘good wave’ all along. I was unaware about the existence of such torture before. The devil makes you go through all of this entirely by yourself, as no one in your environment really knows or cares what you are dealing with. Most of them deny its existence, some others will even convince you to believe that it is all between your ears, or that you have some kind of anxiety disorder...

I am actually doing great these last weeks, but I get chills when I think of those old days... I can not imagine what benzodiazepines addicts go through...
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#47

Postby Magicisreal12345 » Wed May 19, 2021 9:37 am

Hey winzu. I’m hitting ten months tomorrow or the next day and I am feeling pretty much 100%better. Do I have anxiety time to time? Yea but I don’t think it’s paws. Am I still healing? Yea probably somewhat. But self esteem changes the game.
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#48

Postby Winzu » Wed May 19, 2021 10:04 am

Magicisreal12345 wrote:Hey winzu. I’m hitting ten months tomorrow or the next day and I am feeling pretty much 100%better. Do I have anxiety time to time? Yea but I don’t think it’s paws. Am I still healing? Yea probably somewhat. But self esteem changes the game.


Awesome! I must say, I have been doing great lately as well. Is your anhedonia and anxiety full gone now?
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#49

Postby 9monthquit » Wed Jun 16, 2021 11:26 pm

It's been a while. How's it going?
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#50

Postby john5:6 » Thu Jun 17, 2021 4:08 am

Update please!
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#51

Postby Winzu » Wed Jun 23, 2021 8:25 pm

Month 11

I am almost reaching my 11th month of quitting weed. I have not been posting for a while as I forgot about uncommon forum completely, which is a good sign I suppose.

The last months have been different. I am definitely not recovered yet, I still have some days with symptoms. Although, these are much further apart it seems. Overall, the severity of symptoms have definitely decreased.

Headaches/pressure are gone for the most part. I sleep almost immediately every day, it takes up 15 minutes maximum. I don’t have a constant pale face with dead eyes anymore, there is more blood in my face clearly. I am not scared anymore of losing my scalp or beard hair, as this was clearly a symptom of PAWS (high stress/cortisol). It has all returned now. The physical issues such as knee cracking and joint pain are still present, but MUCH less. I forget about them mostly.

The real symptoms that remain are present during social interactions. My stress intolerance is still there, although much less. I don’t feel the body shock and heart palpitations as much any more when I come across a familiar person.

I chose to go to a party of acquaintances, which are quite intense and social people, that were very difficult to handle last time (6 months ago). This time I was actually excited rather than nervous to meet them again. I went through so much torture this year, I deserved to have a good night of drinking once again. Drinking itself didn't give me any anxiety or symptoms, I felt pretty good actually. although much more different than I was used to. I was not as crazy or fun as I used to be, I actually became very sleepy and slow. I was able to hold conversations, but unfortunately I had still difficulties initiating them.

I was happy that I was able to function under pressure while under the influence of alcohol, without any increase of symptoms. It still bothered me that I was not particularly social again and that it was not as fun as I hoped to be.

I decided to join the others with snorting a few lines of cocaine, because I wanted to be more social and have fun. After a couple of minutes, my whole night changed, it was amazing. Met a lot of new people, great conversations, very deep. I was so happy to finally experience real connection and fun with people, I really needed such a night.

Unfortunately, I binged the hell out of cocaine and progressively the night became worse. I felt very tense and had difficulties talking once again. I went home after a while, couldn’t sleep and became very depressed about binging coke while I should have abstained of every drug until I was fully recovered. I expected a big wave coming, a huge step back. Luckily, I am alright, indeed my symptoms increased a little, but it was worth it, I needed such a night during this bizarre life experience.
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#52

Postby 9monthquit » Sat Jul 03, 2021 4:29 am

Hey, it's good to hear you're doing better. The social interaction induced PAWS will probably wear off over time. It's kind of the same way someone loses weight - at first you lose a lot of body fat fast, and that slowly diminishes over time. I think with patience and good habits it'll slowly chip away.

As for your night out, it's good you were able to find something to get your mind off the PAWS after so long. I personally don't agree with any substance use whatsoever, but if it improves your PAWS journey, you do you. Good luck, thanks for the update!
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#53

Postby Winzu » Sat Jul 03, 2021 6:15 pm

9monthquit wrote:Hey, it's good to hear you're doing better. The social interaction induced PAWS will probably wear off over time. It's kind of the same way someone loses weight - at first you lose a lot of body fat fast, and that slowly diminishes over time. I think with patience and good habits it'll slowly chip away.

As for your night out, it's good you were able to find something to get your mind off the PAWS after so long. I personally don't agree with any substance use whatsoever, but if it improves your PAWS journey, you do you. Good luck, thanks for the update!


I believe so too. With enough social exposure, healthy habits and patience, at some point my social skills will return too. It is definitely hard to watch so many others enjoy their life to the fullest on festivals, beaches and holidays.

Definitely happy I was able to forget about PAWS. I agree with you on the substance use, it triggered a small wave, hence I will drink occasionally this summer, nothing more.

I am wondering, how long are your waves at this point, what symptoms and for how long do you feel fine afterwards. My latest waves tend to be 8-14 days long in duration. The symptoms during those waves are pale face, brain fog, blurry vision, psychosocial difficulties, more sensitivity to stress and bad foods/sleep. In which, I felt fine for 3-4 weeks before that.
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#54

Postby 9monthquit » Sat Jul 10, 2021 6:54 pm

Hey, a copy paste from my thread to share how my waves are at this point:

Well I recently just came off a week and a bit of feeling pretty normal. Unfortunately, I've dipped back into a "partial wave." It's kind of weird, I feel normal a lot of the times, but out of nowhere I just get hit with a sudden deep depression / anxiety. It might last 10 seconds or a few minutes, and sometimes maybe an hour. But then I go back to feeling normal and hopeful again and am able to work pretty well. Sometimes I feel like my brain is almost realizing it needs to keep a chemical balance now... like it goes to sleep and then suddenly realizes "oh wait, I gotta produce these chemicals now that the weed isn't there." That's maybe why I dip into a typical PAWS wave mood, and then come back out of it. Or, maybe this is just stuff that is happening to me before a big PAWS wave (I've noticed sometimes I'll feel normal after a wave, then slowly start getting PAWS symptoms like I am now, and then a week of an intense PAWS wave) Who knows, we'll see. It does seem easier though, no doubt.

Also along with the sudden severe depression / anxiety, I've been having vivid dreams and just general trouble sleeping. Not necessarily every night, but some nights I'll have even 2 different vivid dreams. Some nights I just wake up and it's hard to go back to sleep due to racing thoughts. It's weird, I didn't have sleep issues for a while and now they're suddenly back. Let's see how it goes. There is a slight amount of DP/DR too, but very rare and not intense at all. Easy to snap out of. No brain fog whatsoever (surprisingly)

All in all, I think with this update I'm currently in a place where I'm really believing I'll be PAWS free soon. I think in the next 6 months things will really improve, I think I might reach 90-95% normalcy. Right now, I'd say I'm at 85%. I think reaching 100% COMPLETELY PAWS free whatsoever will still take at least a year.
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#55

Postby john5:6 » Sat Jul 10, 2021 10:05 pm

9monthquit wrote:Hey, a copy paste from my thread to share how my waves are at this point:

Well I recently just came off a week and a bit of feeling pretty normal. Unfortunately, I've dipped back into a "partial wave." It's kind of weird, I feel normal a lot of the times, but out of nowhere I just get hit with a sudden deep depression / anxiety. It might last 10 seconds or a few minutes, and sometimes maybe an hour. But then I go back to feeling normal and hopeful again and am able to work pretty well. Sometimes I feel like my brain is almost realizing it needs to keep a chemical balance now... like it goes to sleep and then suddenly realizes "oh wait, I gotta produce these chemicals now that the weed isn't there." That's maybe why I dip into a typical PAWS wave mood, and then come back out of it. Or, maybe this is just stuff that is happening to me before a big PAWS wave (I've noticed sometimes I'll feel normal after a wave, then slowly start getting PAWS symptoms like I am now, and then a week of an intense PAWS wave) Who knows, we'll see. It does seem easier though, no doubt.

Also along with the sudden severe depression / anxiety, I've been having vivid dreams and just general trouble sleeping. Not necessarily every night, but some nights I'll have even 2 different vivid dreams. Some nights I just wake up and it's hard to go back to sleep due to racing thoughts. It's weird, I didn't have sleep issues for a while and now they're suddenly back. Let's see how it goes. There is a slight amount of DP/DR too, but very rare and not intense at all. Easy to snap out of. No brain fog whatsoever (surprisingly)

All in all, I think with this update I'm currently in a place where I'm really believing I'll be PAWS free soon. I think in the next 6 months things will really improve, I think I might reach 90-95% normalcy. Right now, I'd say I'm at 85%. I think reaching 100% COMPLETELY PAWS free whatsoever will still take at least a year.


And you are how far into quit?
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#56

Postby Winzu » Sun Jul 11, 2021 2:16 pm

9monthquit wrote:Hey, a copy paste from my thread to share how my waves are at this point:

Well I recently just came off a week and a bit of feeling pretty normal. Unfortunately, I've dipped back into a "partial wave." It's kind of weird, I feel normal a lot of the times, but out of nowhere I just get hit with a sudden deep depression / anxiety. It might last 10 seconds or a few minutes, and sometimes maybe an hour. But then I go back to feeling normal and hopeful again and am able to work pretty well. Sometimes I feel like my brain is almost realizing it needs to keep a chemical balance now... like it goes to sleep and then suddenly realizes "oh wait, I gotta produce these chemicals now that the weed isn't there." That's maybe why I dip into a typical PAWS wave mood, and then come back out of it. Or, maybe this is just stuff that is happening to me before a big PAWS wave (I've noticed sometimes I'll feel normal after a wave, then slowly start getting PAWS symptoms like I am now, and then a week of an intense PAWS wave) Who knows, we'll see. It does seem easier though, no doubt.

Also along with the sudden severe depression / anxiety, I've been having vivid dreams and just general trouble sleeping. Not necessarily every night, but some nights I'll have even 2 different vivid dreams. Some nights I just wake up and it's hard to go back to sleep due to racing thoughts. It's weird, I didn't have sleep issues for a while and now they're suddenly back. Let's see how it goes. There is a slight amount of DP/DR too, but very rare and not intense at all. Easy to snap out of. No brain fog whatsoever (surprisingly)

All in all, I think with this update I'm currently in a place where I'm really believing I'll be PAWS free soon. I think in the next 6 months things will really improve, I think I might reach 90-95% normalcy. Right now, I'd say I'm at 85%. I think reaching 100% COMPLETELY PAWS free whatsoever will still take at least a year.


I think you are right. I suppose we will be 90-95% within the first 6 months. I can’t imagine not being 100% after another year. I mean, then the recovery process would be much slower at the end, which I have only heard the contrary about. I can’t also imagine myself being 100% after 3-6 months either. I truly expect to be recovered within 16-20 months of abstinence.
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#57

Postby Winzu » Tue Aug 31, 2021 3:33 pm

Month 13

Months have went by and I feel way better. These last months PAWS has become more and more out of my mind. I am writing this now during a pretty severe wave, nothing in comparison to the past, but still shitty.

I did not check this forum at all, which is a good sign. I have been going out a lot, being hammered drunk like 6 times. I really needed that, but now I am scared I have slowed down the process. I have stopped drinking and will not do so for at least another year. I don’t think that the body will stop recovering after a few times of intoxication. I mean, I am still experiencing typical symptoms of PAWS, proving my brain is still rebalancing.

This wave I am in exists of headaches, pale face, fatigue, physical weakness and anxiety. I hope this will be over within another week or two, after which it probably will be gone for a long time.

To share some positivity, I have been extremely productive, much more capable of stressful situations and am generally happier. The anhedonia is still lifting, but everything is enjoyable now.

The main symptoms outside of this wave are mediocre libido, ED (no morning wood or random erections), joint pain/cracking and minor anxiety (particularly during social events).

I suspect low testosterone could be a huge factor in the cause of these symptoms. I think PAWS is such a stressful and traumatic experience that the body’s natural ability to produce anabolic hormones is depleted (adrenal fatigue). I will do a hormonal check next week to hopefully confirm my hypothesis.

I promise to keep sharing my journey, which will hopefully end soon.
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#58

Postby iHatePaws94 » Thu Sep 02, 2021 1:33 am

Hey man thanks for sharing your story. I'm at almost 9 months and am still having a difficult time. It's encouraging to know that these next few months might be a turning point for me. But yeah I agree that this suffering is turning me into a compassionate person as well. I always viewed people with anxiety problems and depression as weak. But now that I've been there myself I feel like a POS for ever thinking that. But yeah I've been trying to train myself into seeing paws as a blessing not a curse. At then end of this thing we're all going to be stronger people because of it. I've heard from people who have recovered that nothing bothers them anymore because nothing is anywhere near as bad as paws. They view every day with good health as a blessing and stop taking things for granted. When faced with adversity we can either let it destroy us or we can get stronger and evolve into better versions of ourselves. Glad you been feeling better! Keep up the fight and keep us posted on your progress.
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#59

Postby Winzu » Thu Sep 09, 2021 5:51 pm

Pfff…. the last 2 weeks are terrible. Ever since I got COVID I feel like I am in a wave again. It feels like I am set back to month 5.

I feel anxious, depressed and so stressed out. I am really upset that I feel like this after a year of quitting weed. I hope that this is just a wave and I’ll be feeling better in a couple of weeks. I am so sick and tired of not thriving in life.
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