Scared to be alone

Postby OvercamePAWS » Sun Mar 14, 2021 12:44 am

Hey guys

So been having issues with PAWS on and off for over 1.5 years now.

Have done great work getting through the harder times

Now I feel like the worst is behind me.

Except one thing that still panics me is being alone. I have a girlfriend who's been there with me through all of this and the fear of her leaving panics me a lot with the thought of I wouldn't be able to get through this without her or if I have another episode like I use to have just worries me to the point where I don't think I'll survive through it.

It's been an issue from early days of PAWS where if I was left alone I may have killed myself so it's plagued me ever since.

What I'm asking is if anyone else has had the same issue and how did you get through it?
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Postby Winzu » Sun Mar 14, 2021 1:27 pm

You went through this alone. You received support but you did it. There’s no need to be scared. You will never go through this again. Just don’t smoke again.

Are you also the user overcome?
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Postby Drvke » Sun Mar 14, 2021 10:36 pm

You sound like me a few months ago. 1.5 years clean, pretty bad weed PAWS for most of it, spent the last year living with my fiancée and her parents during the pandemic and felt extreme anxiety whenever I’d leave for my apartment to water the plants and have some alone time.

If you’re like me, you’ve unconsciously traded one coping mechanism (weed) for another (your girl). To you, they’re both places to hide from yourself in. It’s good that you’ve removed weed from your life because it’s one less place to hide, but without seeing the larger picture, you’ve turned her into an object that you can get comfort from, instead of seeing her as living being on her own path that at best can support you in your own pursuits.

Try to remember that she doesn’t owe you anything. Only you can save yourself. I’ve been in the same boat as you and what I had to realize was that only I can validate my own feelings, only I can give myself comfort and reassurance that is meaningful and transformative. But in order to do that, first I had to see myself as something more than just an object seeking comfort, you have to believe you are something worth giving compassion and patience to.

I recommend taking intentional breaks from her and using that time to be with yourself with as little distraction as possible. You might find being alone with yourself insufferable at first, but you need to confront that feeling over and over until you find some acceptance for your being. It’s honestly the only way out. Meditation gave me the practice of paying attention, and I brought that feeling into my daily life to recognize I’m always with myself and only I can choose to accept the fear of being alone.

It was amazing how quickly this shift in perspective affected our relationship - it took so much pressure off of her and allowed her to be more free and herself, it gave me some confidence and autonomy back and there has been more laughter and understanding between us.

Save yourself. Good luck friendo :)
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