Maybe I'm an alcoholic

Postby theforsaken » Tue Apr 20, 2021 11:57 am

My fiance doesn't like me drinking. If I get drunk she gets upset. If I drink and it's not a big occasion, she's on my case to slow down literally on my second drink. I might have a slight problem sure, I can admit that, but she makes out it's the end of the f***in world if I have a drink or two.

I got drunk today and she more or less gave me the ultimatum of getting counselling or she's leaving me. I don't want counselling, but I can go cold Turkey no alcohol, I know I can, I've done it before. I wanna do that instead.

Thoughts?
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Apr 20, 2021 1:31 pm

How long have you guys been together?

My understanding is that if a person is an alcoholic then 'cold turkey' is really the only solution. The goal of counseling is not to manage how you drink, but rather to quit.

The one issue that stands out is your motivation. You don't want to quit for the right reasons. You only want to quit because someone is threatening you and demanding that you change. It does not sound like a solid foundation for marriage, "Do what I say, or else!"

Maybe I'm wrong, but to what extent are you already punished with the 'cold shoulder', a night on the couch, sex being withheld, and/or various forms of nagging, etc.? Or can you honestly claim that drinking is the only issue?

The way you framed what you wrote, my thoughts are that you are not ready for marriage. You come across as passive and weak, not an equal contributor to the relationship. In effect, she is the parent and you the child asking for permission. If before you are even married the ultimatum card has been played, I can only imagine how that dynamic plays out into the future.
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#2

Postby tokeless » Tue Apr 20, 2021 3:31 pm

theforsaken wrote:My fiance doesn't like me drinking. If I get drunk she gets upset. If I drink and it's not a big occasion, she's on my case to slow down literally on my second drink. I might have a slight problem sure, I can admit that, but she makes out it's the end of the f***in world if I have a drink or two.

I got drunk today and she more or less gave me the ultimatum of getting counselling or she's leaving me. I don't want counselling, but I can go cold Turkey no alcohol, I know I can, I've done it before. I wanna do that instead.

Thoughts?


I tend to agree with Richard. I would also add that your fiance nags at you after 2 drinks because she knows what's coming if you have more. There is a reason why she doesn't like you drinking and it begins and ends with you... despite how she feels, you choose alcohol over her which is a red flag for your future. What role or function does it play in your life? How do you feel when under it's influence? You admit you may have a problem but dismiss it and make it that it's her that's the problem... that's denial. The choices are clear... you address the issues with her support or you drink alone. Maybe you use the drink to make her leave? If not, change the situation before she does.
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