therapist judgmental

Postby moon12 » Wed Apr 28, 2021 10:17 pm

Is it normal for a therapist to judge patients?
My therapist is very hard on me she makes me feel undermined. She judges my love relationship because it is casual, claiming this is ridiculous, she laughs ironically when i say |I dont feel bad in this relationship, she pushes me to break up even if I dont feel like to. when i said my partner apologized for something he has done she makes weird faces as if it was nothing. Is it normal to make me feel like I am nothing at all? Maybe thats becuase she is well married and kind of feels superior because of that. I am really messed up and dont know what to do.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Apr 28, 2021 11:01 pm

You judge your therapist as "feeling superior". That's okay. It is very normal and acceptable to judge.

The reason you go to a therapist is for advice. You don't go for the therapist to just listen in silence. No. Instead, you expect the therapist to provide an opinion, followed by a recommendation for change. That is what you pay for. This requires the therapist to make some judgments.

And by default, some of the recommendations will be judgments not in your favor, judgments and/or opinions that make you feel uncomfortable, that you do not like to hear. Therapy is not meant to be without discomfort, without conflict, without challenge.

It sounds like the therapist is touching on topics you don't like, e.g. your casual relationship. This is not the therapist being judgmental on some irrelevant topic, correct? Presumably your relationship is somehow connected to the very reason you decided to go to a therapist, right? If so, then tension is bound to occur at some level.

I mean, the therapist isn't randomly making judgments regarding some irrelevant topic, right? She isn't bringing up and judging you because of your race, religion, or political beliefs, right?

moon12 wrote: I am really messed up and dont know what to do.


What do you do? Here are few options:

-1- Push back on this therapist. Be direct. Explain you do not agree. Also explain that not only do you not agree, but you do not feel comfortable with how they are approaching the topic. But, don't tell the therapist that you disagree with them because you judge that they "feel superior" to you.

-2- Find another therapist. Maybe you guys are just a bad fit. But, be prepared for the next therapist to possibly have similar judgments. If the next therapist communicates a similar concern about your causal relationship, then you might really think hard about what they are trying to tell you.

The only reason I'm cautious about making the blanket statement that a therapist should never judge patients, is because this pattern repeats in the forum and elsewhere. People do not like the advice provided, so they answer shop. They seek advice they want to hear. This means, they jump from therapist to therapist, from forum to forum, from community to community, until they find someone that makes them comfortable, generally giving the person the answer they desire.

Side note: What did your partner apologize for?
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#2

Postby moon12 » Wed Apr 28, 2021 11:08 pm

thanks I agree with your points. He apologized because he took one day to answer my message.
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#3

Postby tokeless » Thu Apr 29, 2021 6:34 am

moon12 wrote:thanks I agree with your points. He apologized because he took one day to answer my message.


That's outrageous. How dare he not answer you.... does he feel judged by you? Did you ever think he might have either:
Had things to do that day. Or, maybe he felt controlled and decided to ignore your message?
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#4

Postby bawdyheated » Fri Apr 30, 2021 2:17 am

I feel like he is a bad therapist. If that was me, I would've found someone else.
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#5

Postby Candid » Fri Apr 30, 2021 8:01 am

moon12 wrote:Is it normal for a therapist to judge patients?
My therapist is very hard on me she makes me feel undermined. She judges my love relationship because it is casual, claiming this is ridiculous, she laughs ironically when i say |I dont feel bad in this relationship, she pushes me to break up even if I dont feel like to. when i said my partner apologized for something he has done she makes weird faces as if it was nothing. Is it normal to make me feel like I am nothing at all? Maybe thats becuase she is well married and kind of feels superior because of that. I am really messed up and dont know what to do.


In your position I would ask to be referred to someone else, or find another therapist myself. It's up to you whether you report her.

If she can't establish a trusting relationship with you, how can she be the judge of your relationship?
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