Emotional absence

Postby x468 » Sun May 02, 2021 4:01 pm

Good day ladies and gentlemen,

I came here to find out what is going on inside my head, lets just say I remember feeling good, feeling bad feeling something.. when I was younger, like until age 13-14, somehow that changed and lets say 99% of the time I feel nothing. I cant really describe it better, its like, something good happens and I just think to myself 'okay cool' and that's it with the feeling good about something that should excite me and make me happy.. every now and then (like every 3-4 months I would say) I get to feel like I felt when I was younger having feelings about almost everything that happened, but it just lasts about 3-5 seconds and I try to hold on to that feeling but then it suddenly disappears and I am back to feeling empty again. My friends one day mentioned why I wasn't talking much, not laughing most of the time and they would be there for me if I'd need them, but I cant think of a way they could help me with my situation.. its like someone erased all emotions out of my head and left me to live like a walking corpse..

I thought maybe that's what its like to grow up being a 19 year old guy, you just don't feel most of emotions anymore. But I kind of don't want to live like that, life was so much more fun and entertaining when I used to have loads of emotions whether good or bad, life had a purpose and wasn't blunt and boring everyday... when I was 16 years old I started smoking weed, first year I had 3-7 Joints a week, started smoking more and more until I reached 2-4 Joints a day when I was 18, that's also when I stopped smoking cause the police caught me twice and a third time would have meant jail for me. I never learned for anything when I was still going to school because I found it to be reaaally boring, but I still managed to finish middle school followed by a waiter-apprenticeship with very good grades..

After that apprenticeship I went to basic training in the military, finished that. Fast forward one year and I'm stuck with a office job I hate, but which is currently my best choice of living considering the salary and work effort.

I just don't know what to do with my life.. I mean technically I do but I have no clue whatsoever what could make my life a positive and happy life. Has anyone "felt" the same way and got out of it? Can anyone tell me what's wrong with me?

Please excuse my grammar, English isn't my first language.

Kind regards
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Postby bawdyheated » Thu May 06, 2021 5:43 am

I like to see people respond to this. I am not quite sure how to deal with this myself.
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Postby ActualityOfBeing » Thu May 06, 2021 12:59 pm

When you are using words like nothing and emptiness, what you’re missing is that these are not actual, these are thoughts about. Consider a virgin talking about sex. They might very much believe they know what they’re taking about, but upon the direct experience, it is realized their idea of sex is not really like sex at all. One can no sooner conceptualized an orgasm, than conceptualized nothing or emptiness. Nothing, or, emptiness, is unthinkable, unbelievable, ineffable and undefinable. Pure magical mystery, the very zest, enthusiasm, desire and passion of experience.

The initial inclination is to solve this by adding something. Only the counterintuitive (presently) move will do, which is letting go of what has already been added. It might be insightful to consider this is where folks put down thought attachment, philosophizing, and ‘get on the path’, abiding in well being from he inside out, and partaking in ‘practices’ such as meditation, yoga, contemplation, spiritual well being retreats, reiki, shamanic breathing, etc.

This is often said to be “emptying your cup” (as opposed to attempting to ‘stuff more into’ a cup which is already overflowing which ‘knowing what things are’.

Ultimately, there is no actuality of ‘things’. “Cup” is a word. That word was learned, but that which the word points to, is perception, not “a cup”. “Cup”, is just a thought. Thought is for communication and creation, but never actually defines a thing. To realize there is no such thing as a cup, is to have emptied your cup. Upon emptying your cup, you are filled with the love, understanding, peace, presence, and happiness of “who” you really are.

You’re ‘hearing’ and feeling the call of the intuition, that subtle discord, that faint dissonance... “there must be more to life than this”.

Oh boy... there most certainly, absolutely, is.

Answer that call.
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