Sexual Abuse (Have I Been Abused??)

Postby Thomflan90 » Thu May 13, 2021 12:39 am

I'm posting this Topic to open a Dialogue on the Possibility of Sexual Abuse in my Childhood...

I want to run a few personal experiences across the Forum and see what People think.

I will be seeing a Psychologist soon to work through an Eating addiction (Obesity) but I thought I'd post this here to see what the General Consensus is.

I have a member of the Family that we (My Family) know have Sexually Abused other Members of my Family; but I have no idea if I fell victim to the same treatment in my Childhood... The first Victim was about 5-8, the Second Victim was about 4-5 and I would've been about 4 (We are all Males by the way).

from about 5 yrs old to around 8-9 I wet the Bed constantly, Peed my pants at School and was very Socially Immature and Distant; My Mother says from about 5 yrs old onward, I refused to have anyone in the room whenever I got dressed (Including her). Now that I am 31, I am not Married, still Single (No Kids), and Relationships and Sexual experiences have been few and far between. I'm Straight as well.

This is where my problem lies... when I was 5, I accidentally fell off of a Water storage, 10 Feet to the Ground and cracked my Skull, I spent a few days in Hospital, never went into a Coma; but my Mother does Describe a change in my Personality (Which, I understand, could mean anything, especially at that age).

Does this description show indicators of Childhood Sexual Abuse???
I don't need to know definitively, but would like to know the possibility.
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#1

Postby bawdyheated » Thu May 13, 2021 5:10 am

It is a possible indication. I'm sorry that you had to experience this.
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#2

Postby Candid » Fri May 14, 2021 9:02 am

Thomflan90 wrote:Does this description show indicators of Childhood Sexual Abuse???
I don't need to know definitively, but would like to know the possibility.

Of course there's a possibility, but no, your description doesn't immediately shriek "childhood sexual abuse".

The evidence we have is
a) a relative who abused others
b) bedwetting
c) reluctance to have others see you naked
d) mature relationship problem

A relative who sexually abused others may or may not have abused you. I wonder what makes you say you were four at the time, because obviously something not happening could have 'not happened' at any age. If you have no memory of it I would assume it didn't happen.

The three other factors are very common, so again, I wouldn't assume they were indicative of CSA.

You mention a traumatic brain injury, and your mother noticing a change in you. I had a TBI in 2015 and yes, it does change things. In his book The Ghost in My Brain Clark Elliott describes a sense of having lost oneself. Whether 5 or 59, we're probably both stuck with whatever changes occurred.

I suppose the question is, do you want to discover you were sexually abused? How do you think that would help you now?

If I were you (but I'm not, and you didn't ask for advice) I would get some professional help for your difficulty having mature relationships. It's not hard to find counsellors still working (albeit online), although you'll probably have to wait. A busy therapist is usually better than one with no clients.

A couple of warnings, though. Don't pay up front. Ask for a free first session, which any counsellors worth their salt should offer anyway. Counselling is a very personal thing and the best counsellor in the world isn't right for everyone. Your present counsellor may be able to recommend one, but don't feel you need to stick with someone who just happened to qualify at the same time.

Also, I would caution against mentioning the possibility of CSA. There are counsellors out there who would immediately seize on that and not let it go. Stick to what you know: that you're single at 31 and haven't had many relationships.

I hear howls of "me too!" from all over the forum.
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#3

Postby Thomflan90 » Sun May 16, 2021 12:49 pm

Hello Candid, thank you for your Response, I guess I was mentioning my age to give context to what age I was around the time the other victims were being Molested, and the Brain Injury I mentioned to give context to the reason as to why I don't remember it happening.

It's horrible to hear you've had a TBI As well; I definitely sympathise with the idea that I have lost part of myself... I've had trouble with that kind of feeling my whole Life... but I don't know if it's Phychosomatic due to me knowing I had a Brain Injury or not.

You've got a really good Point, no I don't want to discover that I have been Sexually Abused; and I don't think it would necessarily help me now... I just want to put something on the otherside of the equals sign. I have a lot of trouble with different areas of my Life (Relationships being one of them) and I guess I just want to know what I have to do to fix it... but that's what Therapy is for I guess.

Once again, thank you for your Words :)
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#4

Postby Candid » Sun May 16, 2021 3:20 pm

Thomflan90 wrote:It's horrible to hear you've had a TBI As well;

Thank you! Few people I know even acknowledge it. I look okay and sound okay, so what's the problem?

I definitely sympathise with the idea that I have lost part of myself... but I don't know if it's Phychosomatic due to me knowing I had a Brain Injury or not.

Probably can't help you with that one. For me it's clear-cut: from primary school to TBI my greatest joy was creative writing. Apart from what I do here and on other social media platforms, I don't write any more. I've tried. I've started lots of short stories (FORGET novels!!) and they all peter out after that initial flash-in-the-pan inspiration.

I have a lot of trouble with different areas of my Life (Relationships being one of them) and I guess I just want to know what I have to do to fix it... but that's what Therapy is for I guess.

That's therapy you probably can't access in any effective mode now that even doctor surgeries are phone or online-only.

I'm getting the feeling, chiefly due to your problems relating to people, that you may suffer from Complex PTSD. Pete Walker is the expert on this: http://www.pete-walker.com/, and
Out of the Storm https://www.outofthestorm.website/, with its many flaws, is a good resource (+ forum) for sufferers.
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#5

Postby Thomflan90 » Sun May 16, 2021 10:58 pm

Thank you Candid, I have stopped a lot of things in my Life after the initial Fizzle inspired me into it... No Idea if it's just me or the TBI but something to ponder. Thank you for your Responses
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