Something to Ponder, Psychology of Protection

Postby Thomflan90 » Thu May 20, 2021 5:52 am

Hello all

For a little context I'll introduce myself, I am an Obese, non-Agressive person who has always had trouble standing up for myself...

However, when it comes to altercations and Fights I have always been someone to run to an altercation/Fight, not away from it; in my own Mind, I seem to want to stop whatever is going on "Be the Hero" if you will...

The subject that I want to Discuss is people's Behaviour towards me before I get to the aforementioned altercations... More than once or twice in my life, when these situations have arisen and I start toward the centre of the event, someone, notably always Female, has always stood in my way (while letting others pass) telling me not to get involved...

My view on it is because I exude Weakness (or atleast I think I do because people have been verbal in the past about me being a "Pushover"), these particular people are seeing me as needing protecting???

Let's Discuss it, I wanna know what you Guys think about this. :) :)
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#1

Postby tokeless » Thu May 20, 2021 6:41 am

The subject that I want to Discuss is people's Behaviour towards me before I get to the aforementioned altercations... More than once or twice in my life, when these situations have arisen and I start toward the centre of the event, someone, notably always Female, has always stood in my way (while letting others pass) telling me not to get involved...

This imo isn't a 'subject', more normal behaviour from adults. If you ever saw a fight in school, you may have noticed a baying crowd who encourage the fight. As adults we see these things differently and try and stop it. I would say as a rule, women are usually more inclined to step in when there's a fight, to stop it or try and not let it escalate. In the example you give, I think this is what happens. Two reasons... 1. To stop the fight getting worse, by you getting involved. 2. To stop you maybe getting hurt.

Neither of these are about you as a person. Try not look for things that aren't really there. Why you feel the need to get involved in conflicts is more the 'subject' for exploring.
Best wishes
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#2

Postby Alpha90 » Thu May 20, 2021 12:00 pm

I feel like that as adults, we don't want to complicate things. We always think about how to lessen our problems, rather than adding to them.
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu May 20, 2021 2:51 pm

Thomflan90 wrote: More than once or twice in my life, when these situations have arisen and I start toward the centre of the event, someone, notably always Female, has always stood in my way (while letting others pass) telling me not to get involved...


You (unintentionally) allow the female to stop you.

In other words, subconsciously you did not want to get to the centre of the event. In your mind you want to "be the hero". You have great intentions, but subconsciously your brain searches for an out.

The others pass, because they are not looking for an out. They are not paying attention to anything other than the centre. They are focused and looking past those that might try to intercede.

For you to be stopped, you had to actively pay attention to the female. It might only take 1/4 of a second. A quick glance, a touch, or you hear her say, "Don't". Whatever it was, in that briefest of moments you showed signs of resignation. And that is all that was needed for the female to focus on you.
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