Is cuckolding a result of low self esteem?

Postby gymaholic » Tue Jun 22, 2021 8:05 pm

Since I came of age and I had fantasies of giving a beautiful girl of mine to a bull to satisfy her and I come to her after him.
I used to tell myself that is a sexual fantasy since we human like having the weirdest imaginations and nothing serious about it , it is just one of hundreds sexual fantasies that I have ( by the way at that time I didn't use to watch porn it was just the natural masturbation with my imaginations so they were not inspired by porn videos).
When I started watching porn the most thing I liked was watching gangbang videos, cuckolding videos, and interracial sex.
These were the videos that made me the most aroused.
I told myself it is simply we as men like seeing the woman get destroyed in sex and that is the part that arouses me and since I am clearly not the one who is doing sex. Instead I am watching them doing it instead of me so that's why my imaginations flow this way.
But then I felt this fantasy is very distinguished of the other fantasies and I have started to be afraid that it is something that is deeper in me I almost don't even enjoy watching romantic porn I feel it is too boring.

I am almost virgin I live in a society where it is difficult to have a girlfriend - I have grown up in the middle east and now I am studying in a university outside of my country where it is difficult to see any girl- .
I really doubt that I would give a girl who I love to someone else and I don't think it is wise to turn my life to hell just for bringing a sexual fantasy to reality.

- I am afraid that maybe since there are studies suggest that homosexuality can be genetic maybe this fantasy is genetic as well!!
- Or maybe it is a sign of having low self esteem, since I don't feel very dominant overall I am less skilled than others in several social activities? - but I really don't overthink about that I have friends and I am satisfied with my social life-
Or maybe because I still don't have a girlfriend?! and if I have I would never think of giving her to someone else?!

Do you think if I go to a whorehouse and have sex will increase myself esteem? -there are legal brothels here and escorts get tested for STDs-

I have been working out for years the last year I was obsessed with the idea of trying steroids -although my natural libido was sky-high before trying steroids- which is usually a sign of having high T I did a cycle and then stopped in the forth week because I was so afraid to screw my HPTA. Now I am more educated about them and I understand their risks but not in an exaggerated way I know it increases the chance of being infertile but several doctors specialized in this field and hundreds of testimonies from people who used them said that it is very unlikely to sterilize yourself with AASs in irreversible way and everything carries some risks in life even women who use contraceptive pills are running a similar risk.
Anyway, I believe achieving the physique that I dream about will boost my self esteem.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Jun 22, 2021 10:48 pm

gymaholic wrote:Anyway, I believe achieving the physique that I dream about will boost my self esteem.


At this point, I wouldn't focus too much on the cuckolding issue. After all, you're not sexually experienced and not in a relationship.

Instead, I would focus on the idea that a "dream physique" will boost your self esteem.

You chose the username "gymaholic". You say you have worked out a few years and even tried steroids. So how do you still have low self esteem after years of working out? If going to the gym was going to give you the self esteem you needed, it would have already happened.

I'm sure you are familiar with people not happy with their appearance so they decide to get surgery. They think it will make them happy and boost their self esteem. This is normal and can be healthy. But, there are also a subset of these people that are never happy with their appearance. They get more and more surgery. They are never happy with how they look.

If you've been working out for years, how much longer before you get that self esteem? And if you think a "dream physique" is the key to self esteem, what type of future does that create for you?

The bottom line, if you tie self esteem to your physique, you are setting yourself up for a life of misery. Whether or not this misery leads you to fantasize about being a cuckold is secondary.
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#2

Postby gymaholic » Wed Jun 23, 2021 1:11 am

It is not just about boosting my self-esteem, it is also about having a hubby that I would like to master and take it to the next level.
Also I am so angry that after stopping the steroids that really didn't offer me anything in this short period of time what they did instead they gave completely the opposite of what I wanted, when I stopped; my natty test bottomed out and I waited to my natural test to bounce back during this period I lost too much muscle and gained too much fat which really mad me angry I felt like I have thrown years of working out in garbage.
So I just feel it is better to stay on steroids for life and only when I need to conceive then I stop them because it takes too much time to fully recover your HPTA .I didn't know this in the beginning when I used them. I thought that it just takes few weeks and then boom every thing is back on truck. It turned out that it takes at least half year in which you will lose muscle and gain fat-
Also I can take HCG/HMG to protect my testes from shrinkage.
Like all these people who started this path I will start it as well.
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Jun 23, 2021 3:12 am

gymaholic wrote:Like all these people who started this path I will start it as well.


Then make friends with "these people". Join their social circles. Look for some role models that seem to have healthy social and intimate relationships. Look for role models that have some balance in their lives.

Personally, it sounds like an absolute miserable life to me, but to each their own. Good luck.
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