An Introduction And Guide To Asperger Disorder

#45

Postby Candid » Tue Aug 03, 2021 2:08 pm

davidbanner99@ wrote:... an ability to see myself as others see me and, thereby, understand why relationships are so remote. Pretty much all HFA people never make this leap of relativity but it is possible to do.

That would be a good, if potentially painful, insight. I doubt very much Husband can make it. It's also possible that his mother's shouting and withdrawal plus my nagging and withdrawal have made him stubborn as a mule.

There's another issue I may not have made clear. Husband is profoundly deaf in one ear and has limited hearing in the other. Or is he? Not long ago he found information about Auditory Processing Disorder and decided he had that as well as aspergers. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/auditory- ... -disorder/ Apparently his mind wanders uncontrollably anytime someone other than him is speaking. :roll: I can't tell you how many arguments this has caused!

His hearing wasn't tested until he started school. I was shocked that for the first five years of his life neither of his parents had realised he couldn't hear them and obviously extended family didn't care enough to notice; that an outsider had to do it.

The emotions that get trapped and bottled up within are mostly negative. That is, always feeling I did something wrong or feeling alienated. Fact is the connection just isn't there and to get an idea of that you should watch...

I don't think I need to, but I've made a note about Carnival Of Souls to see if we can watch it tonight. I'm sure he'll get fired up about it and start excitedly telling me he's got this, that and the other symptom right when I need to be winding down for bed. (We both of us collect symptoms of our pathology and wonder how we function at all.)

The problem is the process of intellect over-riding emotional functions goes on over years. We have to draw on intellect to try and function socially.

I agree, and that's where I try to get through to Husband. I repeatedly point out that he'll talk over me with a different topic when I'm in full flight, telling me: "I knew what you were going to say." So I ask him to tell me what I was talking about, and he's invariably got it wrong. I believe he chimes in with a different topic because he's lost concentration. How insulting is that??

I fully understand how I'm supposed to smile and show interest, keep to the chosen theme, not switch the topic to my own areas of absorption, not grin on hearing bad news, and so on.

Yes, why do you lot DO that? The time I stayed away more than four years I left with an image of him grinning all over his face in the front doorway of his mother's home. She was beside him crying, presumably because she was losing her last hope of handing him over some day.

I was relieved to be away from the craziness but I thought about him literally every day for the first two years. I'd take my first cup of coffee out to the garden and ask myself: "How do I feel about Husband now?"

he correct reactions don't happen and can't be forced. Even worse, the more you compensate intellectually, the more your analytical capacity develops, making you colder and remote. It's a vicious circle. I suppose I ought to be now looking at management approaches but long-term developmental delays cause severe obstacles.

Well, David, I think it's up to you to figure out the way through. Wouldn't that be a great thing to have done!?!
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#46

Postby davidbanner99@ » Tue Aug 03, 2021 9:20 pm

Watching Carnival Of Souls together will be a treat. Leaving aside the undertones of psychology, the movie is terrific anyway. To me, it's very Hitchcock, more so with Candice Hiligoss who would have been at home in The Birds. The movie astonished me as I too have had a drowning, near death experience. Other things relate too. I have met plenty of Mr Lindens in my time, people who feel they need to help you by flirting and normality. Then they find you complex and deep and take it badly, giving up the effort. Dr Samuels was also real for me and, likewise, was a general doctor with a feel for Freudian psychology. The doctor who consulted with me had a large, coloured bow-tie and, in all fairness, came far closer than my psychologist. As to the part where Candice is asked to resign as church organist, that was very familiar.
I have an interest in acting because I'm now very analytical to how people communicate emotionally. I thought Sydney Berger who played Mr Linden was very polished. I found out he had a stage acting background. In COS he plays a pretty clueless would-be-womaniser who is also a bit limited.
Film is mostly in black and white. Filmed in Salt Lake and Kansas. A few big cars of the era to be seen.
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#47

Postby davidbanner99@ » Tue Aug 03, 2021 9:48 pm

Candid wrote:
davidbanner99@ wrote:... an ability to see myself as others see me and, thereby, understand why relationships are so remote. Pretty much all HFA people never make this leap of relativity but it is possible to do.

That would be a good, if potentially painful, insight. I doubt very much Husband can make it. It's also possible that his mother's shouting and withdrawal plus my nagging and withdrawal have made him stubborn as a mule.

There's another issue I may not have made clear. Husband is profoundly deaf in one ear and has limited hearing in the other. Or is he? Not long ago he found information about Auditory Processing Disorder and decided he had that as well as aspergers. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/auditory- ... -disorder/ Apparently his mind wanders uncontrollably anytime someone other than him is speaking. :roll: I can't tell you how many arguments this has caused!

His hearing wasn't tested until he started school. I was shocked that for the first five years of his life neither of his parents had realised he couldn't hear them and obviously extended family didn't care enough to notice; that an outsider had to do it.

The emotions that get trapped and bottled up within are mostly negative. That is, always feeling I did something wrong or feeling alienated. Fact is the connection just isn't there and to get an idea of that you should watch...

I don't think I need to, but I've made a note about Carnival Of Souls to see if we can watch it tonight. I'm sure he'll get fired up about it and start excitedly telling me he's got this, that and the other symptom right when I need to be winding down for bed. (We both of us collect symptoms of our pathology and wonder how we function at all.)

The problem is the process of intellect over-riding emotional functions goes on over years. We have to draw on intellect to try and function socially.

I agree, and that's where I try to get through to Husband. I repeatedly point out that he'll talk over me with a different topic when I'm in full flight, telling me: "I knew what you were going to say." So I ask him to tell me what I was talking about, and he's invariably got it wrong. I believe he chimes in with a different topic because he's lost concentration. How insulting is that??

I fully understand how I'm supposed to smile and show interest, keep to the chosen theme, not switch the topic to my own areas of absorption, not grin on hearing bad news, and so on.

Yes, why do you lot DO that? The time I stayed away more than four years I left with an image of him grinning all over his face in the front doorway of his mother's home. She was beside him crying, presumably because she was losing her last hope of handing him over some day.

I was relieved to be away from the craziness but I thought about him literally every day for the first two years. I'd take my first cup of coffee out to the garden and ask myself: "How do I feel about Husband now?"

he correct reactions don't happen and can't be forced. Even worse, the more you compensate intellectually, the more your analytical capacity develops, making you colder and remote. It's a vicious circle. I suppose I ought to be now looking at management approaches but long-term developmental delays cause severe obstacles.

Well, David, I think it's up to you to figure out the way through. Wouldn't that be a great thing to have done!?!

The grinning means the emotional mood and the visual expression are out of phase. A frown may indicate positive and the smile negative. Husband was more than likely not feeling the emotions the grin led you to assume.
My approach to autism is that the person affected should accept himself, or herself as flawed but, all the same, having worth. My dog taught me that as animals will accept you with your flaws. However, to accept there are flaws is a big step to make. As in The A.A. group members would admit to being an alcoholic. Personally speaking, I have "normal" friends who work very hard, run a family and have an active social life. I, on the other hand, am an information processing machine, physically inactive outside of exercise. My life is very inward orientated and not often shared. Of course, there are good things. I'm ethical and connected to nature. I may help people who need support and advice. In my case it's a mix of positive and negative. I guess I could list all my pros and cons, even things like hogging a conversation. Recently I met a female autistic and my guess is neither of us fully listens to the other. We both wait for an opportunity to pounce and steer the discussion back to our own direction. We both serve as commas in a debate that drifts back and forth - each striving to gatecrash and control the theme.
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#48

Postby Candid » Wed Aug 04, 2021 5:59 am

davidbanner99@ wrote:Then they find you complex and deep...

Husband often tells me how complex and deep he is, while boring the sh1t out of me with shopping lists, laundry etc. Yes, there are times when he comes across the hero, or gets at the guts of what I'm saying, but these times are all too rare.

the person affected should accept himself, or herself as flawed but, all the same, having worth. My dog taught me that as animals will accept you with your flaws.

I agree there! In fact according to the Out of the Storm website, Americans with C-PTSD can have companion animals with all the access rights of guide dog owners. In the UK I will probably have to wait until I go blind. Trouble is, I want the dog that died about thirty years ago. I'd also like the body and career I had then. It was a good time.

I, on the other hand, am an information processing machine, physically inactive outside of exercise.

I'm a reading, writing (smoking, drinking) machine who never takes exercise, unless you would include very occasional yoga. Pre-2020 I walked for about an hour to get to my voluntary work and got the bus home. Husband very logically suggests I walk to town and get the bus home now, but I don't walk for no purpose.

I guess I could list all my pros and cons, even things like hogging a conversation.

That's probably the worst thing you can do, relationship-wise. Most people like to talk, especially about ourselves. It's as uncomfortable to be with someone who talks too much as it is to be with someone who can't be cajoled into more than a yes or no.

When I'm with a talker who won't give me airtime, I sometimes ask myself what do I care? I already know what I'm going to say. Truth is a one-sided conversation is boring for the listener, who will tune out anyway if it goes on too long.

Recently I met a female autistic...

I've met one as well, in a group I attended four years ago. I'd never have guessed if she hadn't said so, because she spoke no more than anyone else in the group. She was getting her wheels up as a visual artist and the work she showed us was very good.

I've been meaning to ask what's your theory about the vast majority of autistics being male. Also, do you associate it, as many do, with childhood vaccination? Perhaps you're more concerned with explaining what the condition means to a sufferer than with ætiology.
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#49

Postby davidbanner99@ » Wed Aug 04, 2021 8:06 pm

Candid wrote:
davidbanner99@ wrote:Then they find you complex and deep...

Husband often tells me how complex and deep he is, while boring the sh1t out of me with shopping lists, laundry etc. Yes, there are times when he comes across the hero, or gets at the guts of what I'm saying, but these times are all too rare.

the person affected should accept himself, or herself as flawed but, all the same, having worth. My dog taught me that as animals will accept you with your flaws.

I agree there! In fact according to the Out of the Storm website, Americans with C-PTSD can have companion animals with all the access rights of guide dog owners. In the UK I will probably have to wait until I go blind. Trouble is, I want the dog that died about thirty years ago. I'd also like the body and career I had then. It was a good time.

I, on the other hand, am an information processing machine, physically inactive outside of exercise.

I'm a reading, writing (smoking, drinking) machine who never takes exercise, unless you would include very occasional yoga. Pre-2020 I walked for about an hour to get to my voluntary work and got the bus home. Husband very logically suggests I walk to town and get the bus home now, but I don't walk for no purpose.

I guess I could list all my pros and cons, even things like hogging a conversation.

That's probably the worst thing you can do, relationship-wise. Most people like to talk, especially about ourselves. It's as uncomfortable to be with someone who talks too much as it is to be with someone who can't be cajoled into more than a yes or no.

When I'm with a talker who won't give me airtime, I sometimes ask myself what do I care? I already know what I'm going to say. Truth is a one-sided conversation is boring for the listener, who will tune out anyway if it goes on too long.

Recently I met a female autistic...

I've met one as well, in a group I attended four years ago. I'd never have guessed if she hadn't said so, because she spoke no more than anyone else in the group. She was getting her wheels up as a visual artist and the work she showed us was very good.

I've been meaning to ask what's your theory about the vast majority of autistics being male. Also, do you associate it, as many do, with childhood vaccination? Perhaps you're more concerned with explaining what the condition means to a sufferer than with ætiology.

My take is autism is caused by stress but the stress can be diverse, organic, illness, shock, abuse. Any stress can trigger pretty similar behavioural anomalies, from encephalitis to a tragic event. We all react in relatively similar ways.
Any female who happens to be disassociated from family and environment at an early age will cease to develop normally. I guess it needs to be in early years because, if it were later in life, the brain still had time to be socialised somewhat. My ex Spanish girlfriend from the mid 1990s I now am sure was psychotic for a time (to go out with me - bad joke). Seriously, she was well dressed, polite and highly employable but imagined she was being stalked by a former female friend. This was supposed to have been via hypnotic control and, of course, was a delusional pattern of thinking. The family sent her to a psychiatrist for help. I now know her symptoms were typical of Paranoid Schizophrenia, and in her case came later in life. Today she is fine apparently and fully employed in a successful company.
I tend to somehow attract such women but, on a selfish note, it came to help me far later on in my research. My point may see vague but I'm saying my ex suffered a psychotic, depressive episode but only later in life. Sure, she may have been a little withdrawn in childhood but not enough to totally hinder development. In my case, however, development was affected due to early onset of Asperger Disorder and withdrawel. As to psychosis it only affected me in early childhood, with another big swing in my mid 20s. Now, at present I may be withdrawn from reality but know what reality is.
To repeat, a female who fully withdraws at a very early age should suffer overall developmental delay.
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#50

Postby davidbanner99@ » Wed Aug 04, 2021 8:19 pm

It may happen in reverse. An audio engineer came to visit me today and I showed him a 1940s graph on dynamic curves and amplification ratios in tubes. Soon as I explained the maths used in the graph, he interrupted that the graph must be wrong. All I wanted to do was continue to complete the full explanation but I couldn't get a word in. If only he'd let me clarify, I could have cleared it up. However, it was a flood of speech - and myself only able to say, "but", "well, you see....". I tend to spend hours testing data in old books and the figures worked fine. I just wasn't able to get a word in edgewise.
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#51

Postby Candid » Fri Aug 06, 2021 2:59 pm

davidbanner99@ wrote:The emotions that get trapped and bottled up within are mostly negative. That is, always feeling I did something wrong or feeling alienated. Fact is the connection just isn't there and to get an idea of that you should watch...

Candid wrote:I don't think I need to, but I've made a note about Carnival Of Souls to see if we can watch it tonight.

We watched it. I was misled as to its content, as it had nothing at all to do with aspergers.
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#52

Postby davidbanner99@ » Fri Aug 06, 2021 9:54 pm

The essay should help. The plot can be read two ways - most people view it as a sort of zombie movie.
Were you both observant enough to notice that, in the elevated car scene, Mary wakes up from a brief dream? So, what we see may not be the reality - but something deeper. That is, we don't know if she really died in the car. Other clue? Mary tells the doctor she had never been close to other people. That means she was problematic before the accident.
Symptoms that stand out are paranoid persecution complex, emotional flatness, derealisation, disassociation and social lack of awareness.
I would bet my bottom dollar this story was inspired by someone real. Moreover, COS has been compared to the film Repulsion by some critics.
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