Sibling Experimentation Guilt

Postby jjjames03 » Sun Jul 18, 2021 7:46 pm

When I was around 11 i discovered porn (gay), and I got curious and did something with my brother. It got to a point where i felt this sensation in my penis that I have never felt before. I started to think about what the sensation was so a few days later I did the same thing I did with my brother but with my hand. At the time I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t even know what sex or masturbation was. My brother and I had sex about 5 times during 2018-2019. The last time I did something with my brother I was 12. During that year we also had mouth and finger intercourse. I started puberty in the Summer of 2020 and now I’m 14 and I feel
guilty about what I did. I’ve done similar things at a young age. A kid I knew and I both showed each other our penises and kept them out for sometime but that was it. I also showed myself shirtless with my childhood friend who did the same thing but she was a girl (she wanted to see me shirtless it). Anyways back to the stuff I did to my brother, I brought it up to him and he said he felt pressured to do it but he forgives me. I’ve apologised to him for over 2 weeks now and he gets annoyed and wants me to stop talking about it. He also revealed that he did something with his childhood friend but that’s his business. I view myself as a monster and I should’ve known better. I’ve started praying and I want to stop thinking about it but it always appears in my head. I feel guilty ashamed and I regret what I did.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun Jul 18, 2021 11:18 pm

jjjames03 wrote: Anyways back to the stuff I did to my brother, I brought it up to him and he said he felt pressured to do it but he forgives me. I’ve apologised to him for over 2 weeks now and he gets annoyed and wants me to stop talking about it.


So then respect your brother's wishes and STOP TALKING ABOUT IT!

You say you are 14, so here is a small piece of life advice. If someone makes a request, "Hey, I forgive you, stop talking about it," don't be a selfish person and continue to make it all about you, you, you. Respect your brothers wishes. You already think that he "felt pressured" so why do you think it is okay to continue to pressure him? Why pressure him for over 2 weeks to talk about something that he doesn't feel like talking about? Because of how you feel? Because of your needs? So, who cares what your brother wants?

If you can respect your brother's wishes and what he has asked of you, then you can go about the business of focusing on forgiving yourself for whatever it is you think you did wrong.

And personally, if I was in your position, I would not be too hard on myself. I would recognize that puberty is a new experience and it can be difficult to navigate. I'd focus on what it is about me that is driving selfish, hedonistic behavior. Granted, part of it is huge amounts of testosterone being released into your system, but this doesn't give free license to not develop restraint. In fact, it is a perfect time for you to work on self-restraint and being more disciplined in life.
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#2

Postby jjjames03 » Mon Jul 19, 2021 12:45 am

Thank you so much.
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