paws is really beating my donkey and so is health anxiety

Postby bendrenx » Tue Aug 31, 2021 3:28 am

hey all. i’ve been about a month and half sober off weed, dabs, wax pens, and edibles. i’ve been smoking 5 years straight and since i was 15. i was smoking anywhere from around 5-15 bowls in a given day, hitting pens on top of that, if i had edibles available to me i’d do that on top of everything as well. i was the definition of an addict and abused it heavily.

MAN if i could have someone tell me all the adverse side effects from abusing marijuana, i would have dropped it, or never even smoked it to begin with. i wish during my use i wasn’t so naive and thought to myself “this stuff heals and makes me better, how could it be bad for you other than carcinogens?” and boy was i wrong, because now i am in a world of hurt.

my symptoms are:
- occasional shortness of breath
- head aches that range from being tolerable, to me being bedridden
- eating disorder (either eating too much or too little, to not at all)
- pressure on my eyes and sinuses
- random joint aches/nerve pains
- swollen lymph nodes that don’t get huge but will also come and go in waves ( one behind ear, one under jaw and one on both legs )
- anxiety ( mostly health anxiety because some days feel way worse than others and some days i feel almost normal. )
- heart palpitations
- insomnia
- tinnitus (been lucky to not struggle with this one super frequent and it will usually go away within 30 mins)
- depression
- mood swings
- gastro issues

i went to the doctor in the beginning of august and got blood work and a ct scan which came back normal and i was all fine. so the swollen lymph nodes i can only attribute to PAWS especially since i’ve never dealt with these issues or them before. went for a follow up w my primary and my lungs are 100% fine (thankfully enough). i still get so freaked out and paranoid sometimes bc of these and my anxiety makes me resort to the worst thoughts that i’m dying or have cancer.

the only reassuring things are this page and the r/leaves on reddit . the more i read, the more i see people also dealing w swollen lymph nodes bc of paws.

these have all still made my life a living hell. i’m only 20 years old and i hate that what’s supposed to be the funnest part of my life has become the worst. it’s my fault for abusing marijuana, and making it my crutch to deal w life. i’m not gonna give up and i will over come this, despite how shitty it may feel or be.

i also quit nicotine a month before i quit weed so that hasn’t made things easier.

any kind words, reassurance, and similar stories would help a lot. i don’t have anyone to relate to about this in my immediate surroundings. my parents are weed smokers, my sisters are, and my brother has been clean his whole life. talking to them about this is always a chore cause they can’t relate to how i feel, and always try to tell me it’s more than likely something else or nothing at all. anything to keep faith in their special plant i guess.

take care all.
bendrenx
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#1

Postby Eroica » Tue Aug 31, 2021 4:52 am

The good news is youre young, so PAWS wont be as severe in your case vs. somebody who has been smoking for decades. Its good youre stopping at a young age. The bad news is it will probably take months before you feel normal. When you feel normal again, please dont make the mistake of thinking, "oh i beat this. Now i can smoke again, and i will be able to control it now". You will start smoking heavily again and then youll be back to where you started.
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#2

Postby bendrenx » Tue Aug 31, 2021 6:44 am

@eroica thank you for your comment so much. i won’t make the mistake of ever going back. after experiencing all these symptoms. i’m afraid of it now to be honest. i don’t want to fall back down this rabbit hole and deal with paws all over again. i couldn’t control it in the beginning and even when i’m all healed i know if i ever went back it’d be just the same. dealing with these lymph node issues scares the sh** outta me even though i know it’s withdrawals. seen a guy who’s pretty popular on here names sparklefly12 i believe, who’s dealt with these lymph node issues off and on for a while. i go to his post and feel reassured everytime i read his thread. my health anxiety comes to back to haunt me though and it makes it hard to rationalize. i just need to be patient and realize i’m a work in progress right now.
bendrenx
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