How Can You Control Your Anger?

Postby yessupply » Mon Sep 27, 2021 10:07 am

Some normal annoyance triggers include individual issues, for example, missing an advancement at work or relationship troubles. an issue brought about by someone else like dropping plans. an occasion like awful traffic or getting in a fender bender.
yessupply
Junior Member
 
Posts: 28
Joined: Sun Aug 30, 2020 7:39 am
Likes Received: 1


#1

Postby Leo Volont » Tue Sep 28, 2021 1:02 am

yessupply wrote:Some normal annoyance triggers include individual issues, for example, missing an advancement at work or relationship troubles. an issue brought about by someone else like dropping plans. an occasion like awful traffic or getting in a fender bender.


Yeah, Anger Triggers can be complicated. The 'juice' that actually drives the Anger is Cortisol, which is secreted by the amygdala gland. It is really intended to energize the Fight or Flight response to actual physical danger, but now used to make huge Blow Ups over what are really trivial frustrations. Much of the blame can be assigned to social reasons, and really bad role modelling by parents. You see, during Evolutionary Times, when Humans were mostly organized in groups of about 50 to 150 people, well, to be banished from the Group would have been tantamount to a death sentence. The way this relates to 'trivial' frustrations is that when something goes wrong, well, the person most approximate to the screw up needs to deflect blame rather than accept responsibility, being fearful of being banished. Or sometimes a huge dramatic scene will allow the guilty party to SHOW that he or she is "just as upset" as everybody else is at the 'frustration" and 'failure". For instance, say you ACCIDENTALLY elbow an expensive vase off a table at an upscale cocktail party. Now, no drama will make it any better. The thing is smashed. What happens is you offer to pay for it, but the host declines, and so you get the host some comparable gift. No drama necessary, right? But usually there is drama. The most acceptable drama would be "I'm so sorry" drama, but there can also be Anger from people who've had horrible Role Modelling as children. The Host might even be blamed for keeping vases so close to the edges of useless little tables. In effect the Angry Person is going on the offensive, and that they are RESISTING being banished by threatening to Banish anybody who would want to banish them.

Also, there is another dynamic at play. I discuss it in my YouTube video series "Democracy Is a Bad Thing" in Part Five where I discuss in detail the social dynamics of our Evolutionary Groups. But, in short, keep in mind that the Groups are capped in size. Well, how is that supposed to work? Once the Group is more than about 100 people we start to see the Us vs Them dynamic kick in. People in the group start taking sides, which may be largely subconscious. The Group is too large and people start getting on each other's nerves. Now, politically, we could examine whether people are born with either one Trait or the Other, that is, whether they will side with the Established Group or with the Rebel Splinter Group. But in our discussion here, well, it's sufficient to say that we ALL live in groups of well over the Maximum size, and so we are all likely to be always irritated and 'taking sides' against people.

This would account for the almost insane angry responses we see with people who are driving cars. Nothing on the road is personal. Yeah, some people drive crazy, but they might be late for work, right? So it is just best to avoid getting into accidents and stay calm. Often there are accidents and, yes, angry responses can be even more dangerous than the accidents were, with some angry individual using his fists to put the other driver into the hospital over a dented fender.

Yeah, even when I was Angry and not yet thought it a problem (I was from a Culture where EVERYBODY is angry, and so it's acceptable... the whole Culture is dysfunctional and every Role Model is a Bad Role Model), well, I knew how silly it was to get upset over traffic. It is really unnecessary. I was a Sergeant in the Army and Sergeants typically don't drive... they let one of their men do the driving. Soldiers typically LIKE driving. But if one of my men started cussing and swearing or showing ANY frustration at the wheel, well, I'd relieve them on the spot. It worked. I trained my entire Platoon to drive calmly.

Also, well, I've written some comprehensive essays on Anger Management, primarily my "Anger Management Short Term and Long Term" and a few other essays that aren't that far down, but one principle I can mention here is that the best way to NOT go into an Angry Blow Up is simply by NOT starting it. Stay SILENT. Especially do not swear. Swearing seems to open the flood gates of anger. Do not pound the table. Do no gesture. If one simply refrains from ANY response to the Frustration or Insult, then the Mind has nothing to cling too. Typically the most annoying effect of our anger towards strangers who can do nothing to affect out social standing is that the Cortisol that drives the Anger will start our minds spinning with compulsive thoughts, typically in regards to What I Should Have Said or Did, and just thinking it to death. But if you simply do not respond, well, the incident might be forgotten in the next minute! The Cortisol really needs some Encouragement. Yeah, I talk a lot about Cortisol and Cortisol Control in that essay below "Anger Management Short Term and Long Term.
User avatar
Leo Volont
Senior Member
 
Posts: 1131
Joined: Wed Jan 21, 2015 8:26 am
Likes Received: 145

#2

Postby mexstorage29 » Wed Nov 10, 2021 6:26 am

Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. ... Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply. Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.
mexstorage29
New Member
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Nov 10, 2021 6:23 am
Likes Received: 0

#3

Postby Leo Volont » Thu Nov 11, 2021 1:15 am

mexstorage29 wrote:Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. ... Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply. Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.


Hi Mexstorage, Yeah, we get all these Meditators, who are typically not the kind of person to ever get angry anyway, telling us how to address the kind of ANGER that Anger Management People are dealing with. Heck, the Basic Post here is talking about TRIGGERS. What happens to chronically Angry People is that the BLOW UP within 3 seconds of being triggered, and that is on the OUTSIDE. There is no time to sit and get crosslegged and intone AUMS and Commune with God. Yeah, if you want to know what we are doing here on this Forum, well, scroll down and take a look at my Post "Anger Management Short Term and Long Term"... leave a comment to bring the Post back up to the Top. But, yeah, it will a nice sweet guy like you, who's never been angry in his life, some insight into what Angry People are dealing with. And if you ARE angry, then you should realize your advice doesn't work, because Triggers nearly always take us by surprise. Basically the Anger Management Therapy is along the model of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, where we basically have to DECONSTRUCT our THINKING and rehearse new HABITS in regards to both our Evaluative Thinking, and would Conditioned Responses which are often as Stupid as Muscle Memory (Yeah, nobody make the DECISION to swear, that is to say "F__K", which can get people fired nowadays, because that is actually a Kinetic Muscle Memory Reflex.... it take MONTHS to break that habit by doing rehearsals. Just Meditating does not address that issue. Meditaing is too PASSIVE. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is ACTIVE Work!. So, yeah, Namaste.
User avatar
Leo Volont
Senior Member
 
Posts: 1131
Joined: Wed Jan 21, 2015 8:26 am
Likes Received: 145

#4

Postby cropkingseeds121 » Thu Nov 11, 2021 8:12 am

Think before you speak. ...
Once you're calm, express your anger. ...
Get some exercise. ...
Take a timeout. ...
Identify possible solutions. ...
Stick with 'I' statements. ...
Don't hold a grudge. ...
Use humor to release tension.
cropkingseeds121
New Member
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Oct 02, 2021 6:56 am
Likes Received: 0

#5

Postby Leo Volont » Fri Nov 12, 2021 2:45 am

cropkingseeds121 wrote:Think before you speak. ...
Once you're calm, express your anger. ...
Get some exercise. ...
Take a timeout. ...
Identify possible solutions. ...
Stick with 'I' statements. ...
Don't hold a grudge. ...
Use humor to release tension.


Really, why not just break down and buy an Anger Management Self Help Book, you know, one written by an actual Psychologist that specializes in Anger Management and works with Cognitive Behavior Therapy methodologies.

Also, look at your list. What good is "expressing your anger once you are calm" supposed to do. If you Express Anger then you aren't Calm anymore, are you. Yes, English is a very imprecise language in this regards where "Anger" is name for both an Emotion and a Behavior, and the only thing they have in common is that they are both ugly. We don't really need "Anger" the Emotion because the word HATE could do the job, couldn't it. When exactly do we not hate what makes us behave with Anger. And when does behaving Angry ever do any good unless Anger is helping us to fight for our lives. Yes, Anger is DEFENSIVE. Roaring, Hissing, Growling, Hoof Thumping, Chest Beating, well, all that is Defensive Display. Pure Aggression and Predatory Assaults are done in Quiet. We see it in Human Beings, for example, with Sports Teams... the Team that is gathering a huge lead, in the Zone, works with quiet efficiency, but the losing team is Cussing and Swearing the Coach is throwing chairs. Anger is for Losers. No, unless you are trying to scare somebody away, like your friends and partners, well, it is ridiculous to ever EXPRESS Anger. If you'd ever decide to educate yourself, you would know that. Yeah, I think the best Anger Management author out there is Ronald Potter-Efron PhD.
User avatar
Leo Volont
Senior Member
 
Posts: 1131
Joined: Wed Jan 21, 2015 8:26 am
Likes Received: 145



  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to Anger Management