I guess I just need help

Postby axellexa » Mon Sep 27, 2021 7:40 pm

hey!
well... im new in here, I just had a big bulimia crises and after I'd purged myself, I reached out for help in a professional association let's say, that can make me have contacts with psychologists and all. The is a big step, it has been 5 or maybe 6 years that I am struggling with bulimia, purged, self hate and all... im only 19 btw.
I always thought I would find a time to deal with it myself and find a way out but today I choked myself while throwing up and I realized I could properly die doing this stupid thing. I asked for help for the first time because I truly realize than I am sick, mentally sick and that I can't just deal with it myself, I need professionals and it makes me feel miserable. I wish I could just find somebody to talk with about that because talking to my friends or family is just too impossible for me. The shame I have about myself is f****** huge and I seem not to be able to talk about it. This is my first time doing it. I talked about it to my boyfriend and he's cute, he did researches and all but I lied to him saying that I was recovering. He told me to call him when I feel triggered and all but seriously im not even thinking straight in those time and calling him would just make me feel miserable. I know I shouldn't think and feel that way but guys im sick, it feels like the only way of thinking for me.
So yeah I don't know if I will continue to write after that one, I have no idea what im actually doing here actually.... I wish, I think, just to talk about it with some people who actually lived it and who are now living it and not with people who are just trying to help without experienced it. It's so nice to try but yeah it doesn't really serve...
So yeah, that was the worst presentation I made of myself but also the most honest one so I don't know how to feel about it but yeah, hey! its me! and im sick


(ps: im not a native English speaker so don't be surprised if there is some mistakes ;-) )
axellexa
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