Road to Recovery

Postby fog_of_recovery » Tue Nov 02, 2021 4:43 pm

Hi Everyone,

I've been following this forum for a few weeks and decided I would join to share my journey. I've smoked weed for about 10 years with about 4 years being rather heavy usage.

I was able to successfully cut down to smoking Friday, Saturday, and Sunday only for the past 6 months but I need to quit entirely. The reduction hasn't helped and things are still getting worse.

For some time now I've noticed that I'm not as mentally agile/aware as I used to be and it has really affected my work and relationships. I have no motivation to work and find myself constantly lethargic. The brain fog is so bad that I have a hard time conveying my thoughts effectively and I just hate it so much.

On the outside I'm successful but internally I know I'm on the edge of losing everything. I hide from problems, I can't effectively navigate complex or semicomplex problems, etc etc. I hate what I've done to myself and find that I hate myself a lot of days. My anxiety is borderline unbearable and I feel like breaking down at least twice a week. I'm not suicidal by any means but the thought of death seems like a relief at times...

Honestly... I don't know what this post is turning in to and I apologize for the aimlessness of the entire thing but I just need to get it out somehow. I just can't stress how much I hate what I've become and that I let it go on for so damn long.

I've wanted to quit for 3 years now. This time I'm going to do it. I've dumped what was left and will not turn back. I know it will take time but I just want to stop feeling the way I feel so badly.

Reading everyone's posts helps a lot. I will be here often and share as I go. Hopefully one day someone will see this first post and see another post from me 2, 4, 8 months from now and see that things do get better and find motivation from it. That's what everyone's posts have done for me.
fog_of_recovery
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#1

Postby Brokethehabit » Tue Nov 02, 2021 10:35 pm

Hey Fog,
Congrats on your commitment to quit, I know how long it can take to reach the point of no return when it comes to giving up weed. You basically need to start hating yourself for the destruction you're imposing on yourself.
As for weening out on weed...nah, I've always believed it is just an urban legend. Good for those for whom it has worked but you are the proof that it can make you just as miserable with the hardest part still to come.
Anyway, stay strong buddy and eventually you'll get over it. Word of advice: don't be an idiot and relapse!
Brokethehabit
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#2

Postby Blinkers » Wed Nov 03, 2021 10:40 am

Best of luck buddy. It sounds like you are ready to become what you are meant to be absent all the clutter.
Blinkers
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#3

Postby fog_of_recovery » Thu Nov 04, 2021 4:32 pm

Brokethehabit wrote:Hey Fog,
Congrats on your commitment to quit, I know how long it can take to reach the point of no return when it comes to giving up weed. You basically need to start hating yourself for the destruction you're imposing on yourself.
As for weening out on weed...nah, I've always believed it is just an urban legend. Good for those for whom it has worked but you are the proof that it can make you just as miserable with the hardest part still to come.
Anyway, stay strong buddy and eventually you'll get over it. Word of advice: don't be an idiot and relapse!


I was honestly a bit surprised that moving to weekends only didn't help. The discipline was not an issue as I truly kept it to weekends only but the lack of improvement regarding my mental health was pretty surprising.

I'm glad I was able to do it however and hopefully moving to weekends only will help me in my journey to fully quit. Maybe my PAWS won't last as long or be as severe. Who knows though. Either way I'm ready for the journey.
fog_of_recovery
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#4

Postby Blinkers » Fri Nov 05, 2021 11:41 am

I moved it to weekends,
I moved it to fortnights.
I moved it to months.
I moved it to 3 months when I was feeling awesome again.
I even moved it to 6 months.

But every time I puffed again. PAWS just came back with more. ferocity.
Blinkers
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