I am struggling to get better and I need help

Postby lukezx1900 » Fri Nov 12, 2021 10:11 pm

Hello everyone, I am not sure if this belongs here but this is my first post and I just wanted to ask anyone for any help at all please. I am currently in my early 20s and I am living with my family right now and it's very difficult just dealing with them because of their toxic sh**. The area of where I am living is so damn expensive. My own mom seriously wants me out of her life as that she constantly compares me to my peers as that they are doctors, lawyers and engineers and I am failing to get into a well respected profession. My siblings are going to graduate college next semester and go on to lucrative professions in medicine while I still have a couple of years of college left. Honestly, I get depressed about my constant failures of getting into a math PhD which would have been amazing but unfortunately, I have messed up so far in college in important math courses. I don't have any money with me at all and my current job pays very low as I barely work more than 15 hours a week. My credit isn't even the best as that I am about to have more than $1000 in collections soon due to not being able to pay it on time because of my shitty job. I don't mean to bitch and complain but this is a very difficult time for me because it's hard to find any place to move out. My mother even locks my room and I am not able to even get my belongings sometimes or to enter my room for days. Luckily, I keep my toothbrush and my towel in the closet so that when she locks my room, I am still able to get them. I am forced to sleep sometimes on the living room couch and most of the time, I am kicked out and go to the basement and she always complains to me for money but I have not been able to get enough money by the amount of hours that I am getting at work and even I still have to pay my bill before it goes to the collections agency and damages my credit score. I don't know what to do and to get financially stable enough. What do you guys at least suggest are some of the best steps to take going forward?
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#1

Postby davidbanner99@ » Fri Nov 12, 2021 11:35 pm

lukezx1900 wrote:Hello everyone, I am not sure if this belongs here but this is my first post and I just wanted to ask anyone for any help at all please. I am currently in my early 20s and I am living with my family right now and it's very difficult just dealing with them because of their toxic sh**. The area of where I am living is so damn expensive. My own mom seriously wants me out of her life as that she constantly compares me to my peers as that they are doctors, lawyers and engineers and I am failing to get into a well respected profession. My siblings are going to graduate college next semester and go on to lucrative professions in medicine while I still have a couple of years of college left. Honestly, I get depressed about my constant failures of getting into a math PhD which would have been amazing but unfortunately, I have messed up so far in college in important math courses. I don't have any money with me at all and my current job pays very low as I barely work more than 15 hours a week. My credit isn't even the best as that I am about to have more than $1000 in collections soon due to not being able to pay it on time because of my shitty job. I don't mean to bitch and complain but this is a very difficult time for me because it's hard to find any place to move out. My mother even locks my room and I am not able to even get my belongings sometimes or to enter my room for days. Luckily, I keep my toothbrush and my towel in the closet so that when she locks my room, I am still able to get them. I am forced to sleep sometimes on the living room couch and most of the time, I am kicked out and go to the basement and she always complains to me for money but I have not been able to get enough money by the amount of hours that I am getting at work and even I still have to pay my bill before it goes to the collections agency and damages my credit score. I don't know what to do and to get financially stable enough. What do you guys at least suggest are some of the best steps to take going forward?


Sorry this got passed by. This sounds to me a classic case of putting pressure on yourself to live up to expectations of others. As well as the very common domestic pressures of shared lodgings.
What I always go by is self belief is everything because there will always be people around who judge success or failure by their own criteria. So often, that pressure leads to major stress. You are, of course, not perfect and none of us are. Did you know Einstein flunked his basic university exams and was told by a teacher he'd never amount to anything?
Sorry to say money problems and employment problems affects many people like yourself. It sounds maybe it would help if you could find a more relaxed place to live. Your own space. Try not to make comparisons with others but learn belief in yourself. If you fail an exam, just keep on going with your efforts because learning is what really matters.
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#2

Postby lukezx1900 » Fri Nov 12, 2021 11:47 pm

The problem is that I truly want to be successful but I believe that i am limited in life. It's like the negative things they say about me are true
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#3

Postby davidbanner99@ » Fri Nov 12, 2021 11:52 pm

"My siblings are going to graduate college next semester and go on to lucrative professions in medicine while I still have a couple of years of college left. Honestly, I get depressed about my constant failures of getting into a math PhD which would have been amazing but unfortunately, I have messed up so far in college in important math courses."

Yes but you are you and not the same as your siblings. My elder brother was pretty much always the favourite and tended to simply be more adapted to society. Yet, we are not all the same and we reach our goals differently. The use of words such as "failures" and "messed up" show me you are being hard on your own efforts to attain goals. We fail exams sometimes for various reasons but that doesn't mean we lack potential.
If you can reach your goal of a maths PHd that's terrific. Maybe you have a lecturer you can talk to and open up about the struggles? Sort of makes me think about Peter Parker in the Spiderman movie. Presumably you don't double up as a superhero in between classes? Joke.
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#4

Postby lukezx1900 » Sat Nov 13, 2021 12:05 am

Yeah I understand. The reason that I say these thing is because it's true. I feel like I am not good at many things and that I struggle. It's a hard battle that I deal with. I just need help dealing with negative things and how I can be mentally strong to handle it. So many people think that I am an idiot and I have to prove them wrong but I keep failing at times. It hurts because my mom won't believe that I can be successful at anything and that hurts because it's everyone in my life who thinks the same
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#5

Postby davidbanner99@ » Sat Nov 13, 2021 1:14 pm

lukezx1900 wrote:Yeah I understand. The reason that I say these thing is because it's true. I feel like I am not good at many things and that I struggle. It's a hard battle that I deal with. I just need help dealing with negative things and how I can be mentally strong to handle it. So many people think that I am an idiot and I have to prove them wrong but I keep failing at times. It hurts because my mom won't believe that I can be successful at anything and that hurts because it's everyone in my life who thinks the same

Have a look at the career of Grigory Perelman, the Russian mathematician. By his own testimony, he described himself "unsuccessful". Lived with his mother in a flat for years with hardly any money. He then solved a mathematical problem that had remained unsolved. The mathematics community seemed to do all they could to disprove the solution Perelman submitted, but to no avail. The theory was shown to be valid. The kicker came when Perelman was offered a million dollar cash prize at a ceremony, which he refused. He was fed up with the publicity. Question is: Was Perelman a failure? Yes. And, no. In the social context he was a failure but in the area of maths he was at the absolute peak. Success is relative. I think what matters is if you enjoy maths as a subject, recognition by others isn't what matters. What matters most is your own dedication and willingness to develop your potential. That takes time. It can't be rushed.
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