IDENTITY CRISIS AND LOW SELF-ESTEEM

Postby Ansofogo » Mon Jan 17, 2022 9:38 am

I want to share my thoughts and possibly get a piece of advice from whoever reads this post.

A little background

*I'm a 32-year-old gay guy and I've been struggling for years (at least from adolescence) from low self-esteem and feelings of being lesser than other people.

*I have no past traumas and my parents are amazing and caring and they only gave me love and attention throughout the years.

*I believe I am an intelligent, sensitive, loving, and caring person.

*I haven't left my parents' home and I am unemployed for the past 3 years though, I do have an undergraduate degree.


I have issues with attachment, anxiety, and emotional dependency when it comes to romantic relationships. I don't know that this should be my main concern in life but, I can certainly tell you that it bothers me a lot, especially because my long-distance relationship ended a week ago.

I feel so good when I'm romantically and intimately involved with someone, that I can tap into all the greatness and positive feelings about life within me, that I simply feel alive. The thing is that it doesn't last too long (This time it was mainly due to us being thousands of km away from each other) it's temporary, it evaporates quickly and then I go back feeling inadequate, worthless, and inferior to my partner (by now my ex-partner).

I do not act in abnormal ways toward my partner or any past one for that matter but, it's safe to assume that I project my emotional dependency when they get to know me more intimately. I feel like I'm in a constant struggle with my mind that rationally tells me that it's not okay to put all your eggs in one basket, believing that this person is my salvation, that he is the key to my happiness and well-being, however, my emotions are completely different. My emotions make me feel anxious, afraid of losing this person even though our interaction Is mutual at the beginning.

Now, this person is gone from my life, and I know that breaking-up sucks but, it doesn't have to do only with him. I feel completely shattered, broken, lost and I'm haunted by memories of good time spent together, with him. I feel worthless, I feel ashamed of feeling this way especially knowing that he has moved on emotionally. My dreams had gone with him, my happiness. I want so much to feel happy and calm the way I felt at times with him. This is, unfortunately not the first time I'm feeling this way but, it certainly feels harder because this time It was a relationship and not merely a temporary infatuation.

How do I break this cycle? Can I ever feel at peace with myself? Content and happy without being romantically involved with anyone? How do I stop feeling inferior to him? Lesser than other people? I know that there are huge forces and good feelings within me but, now I feel aimless and at times I feel like there's no point anymore in continuing this journey that I call my life.
Ansofogo
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#1

Postby Nik@bdm » Wed Jan 26, 2022 6:14 pm

Hey

I just want to start off by saying you sound like an amazing loving person. I hope you can one day appreciate all the things that make you you. I understand breakups can be hard I’ve done some dumb things over a guy, I almost hit my ex with a car, accidentally of course. All because..well nvm that. But after years of putting all my eggs in one basket as you say I finally realized that these are my eggs and this is my basket to protect. I started from rock bottom with feelings of inadequacy and shame after being cheated on. The only way that I found to break the cycle of giving my partner all the power and burden of making me feel good about myself was to do it for myself. My grandpa used to say if you want something done right you gotta do it yourself. I decided that night on the beach I was going to try it. All the self help books and tapes and books on tape I could find. I was determined to be happy and love myself better than anyone could.
Sorry i went on a rant. As far as your questions go I will answer them as best I can.

* First and foremost yes these feelings are temporary and will pass. Please take care to speak with someone if you are having hopeless thoughts.
* Break the cycle by making a definite choice right now to choose you.
* Spend time alone getting to know yourself. Try all the eggs you can (runaway bride reference) unless you’re allergic.
* Treat yourself like you would a new partner. Take yourself on a date to do something you really enjoy.
* Feelings of inferiority will begin to fade when you become aware of all of your strengths and accept your weaknesses and choose to love yourself anyway.
I hope this helps a little bit. I know the struggle is real but you got this and will get through it.

Best of Luck,
Nikki
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#2

Postby Ansofogo » Fri Jan 28, 2022 12:20 pm

Hey Nikki, thank you so much for this reply. I've started reading the thread and your comment and there were tears in my eyes. It touches me greatly that you took the time to read my words and recognize my pain and struggles. It's a never-ending journey, that of loving and appreciating ourselves. I wish to stay hopeful of life, believing that everything has its meaning.
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