I'm married and in love with another man.


Postby Roots123 » Fri Apr 08, 2011 4:52 pm

I can somewhat relate to this thread.
Dated my husband for 10 years and we're married now for about 4 years.
About a month after we were married, I discovered he was having an affair (the extent of it and details were never given so closure not quite had), he was also on drugs and gambling. I forgave him, he was the love of my life and I just professed that fact to everyone we knew - I couldn't dream of leaving him. Even though we remained together, deep down I had uncertainty about bringing kids into the picture - it scarred me. I was so ready to have kids and all of that changed. I don't know if I remained with him because I was too weak and afraid to leave or if it was routine (I don't particularly fair well with change) or my love for him. Well a little over a year ago I met a man and began an affair. It was an easy escape that felt so amazing at the time. It was the most intense, fulfilling and amazing experience. I connected on a level I never knew existed. It wasn't only the physical connection that was unreal, all levels - well those that could be felt with the limited connection due to the deceit of it all. 5 months ago now, it ended because his wife found out. She called and told my husband. My husband asked me, I was afraid of hurting him, losing him, facing the world for what i've done, so I denied it. I know deep down he believes it. At times because of the guilt and when i'm severly depressed over it, he sees it in me and I know he just wants us to close this chapter and move forward. Well our relationship has changed that much more recently, we just bought a house and i've been so unstable over the decision. It's forcing me to face the reality that i'm still thinking about the other guy, 5 months later, feeling guilty about what i've done to my husband. My husband and everyone in our life expects that we should have a child - yet i'm so afraid of being that statistic of having a child to fix a marriage. The other man is working on saving his marriage and has made it clear to me that contact can no longer happen. Yet I still think of him daily. I pine for him. I miss him. I'm a mess and all over the place. I broke down last night to my husband and told him that i'm depressed about the change (with house) i'm questioning our marriage. He looks so scared and I hate hurting him and making him feel this way. I knew we shouldn't have bought house, every ounce of my being screamed no but I still went through with it. It's the perfect dream for the perfect happy couple. Yet i'm screaming inside, depressed, contemplating suicide, pinning for another, and hurting my husband. Not to mention the catholic guilt of going to hell for all of this poured on top. Advice, suggestions welcomed please help.
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Postby rick123 » Tue Apr 12, 2011 3:09 pm

The only thing I can say to you is that you are an unfaithful, undevoted whore who only thinks about your needs, your desires, your problems, your satisfaction. You were never married to your husband, it was only a matter of convenience. And this friend of yours is the biggest loser. If he was a real friend, he would ended it immediately and told you to stay away. Instead, he kept pulling your heartstrings with sickening, dramatic responses filled with fake dignity, as if he personified a romantic warrior doing the right thing for you, but of course, at the same time, sniffing out your weaknesses, which of course is a tremendous ego boost for him.

Whatever happened in your marriage is lack of communication and if you feel that you are not loved or appreciated, you should make the effort to bring the two of you together. If you are doing all the effort, then see to it why the intimacy has died. And if your husband is not cheating on you, then at least you know that he is being faithful and his libido is down. And when his libido is down, it is your duty to bring it up, as long as this is important to you. And if it is, fire up the passion and romance, flirt, do whatever it takes. But instead, you moved into the vengeance terrain, with calmness and justification, simply because you are too selfish to break the ice.

In any case, you are a loser and a horrible wife. I think your husband deserve a better woman than you and I hope he finds a better woman because you don't deserve any guy, except for this loser of a friend who will eventually cheat on you anyway because you are such a gullible sap.

Good riddance to you.
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Postby Renni1982 » Wed Apr 27, 2011 7:05 pm

hi my point is, according to me when a situation like this happens to a woman, its very difficult to tolerate the pain or handle the situation. I believe in true love, a true love can be with any thing/human/animals. If you want the other man to love you back, its not insane or its not cheating, its the true feeling what you have for that other man. I think you are in a very confused stage, but keep it cool, love your daughter, be with your husband, also love your other man. Once your are married to someone, that is not the end of the world or you should feel like you are stuck in this marriage. I would say, you love this other man with all your heart and maintain a healthy friendship, like talking to him, helping him, if you feel like hugging him you can do that too, when you don't do all of these, definitely you would go more mad on him, and end up in obsession and do more nasty things, you should let things go how the time is taking you through, be relax, don't feel you will lose him, spend more time with him, one day you will definitely able to take a right decision, don't reduce the love what you have for your husband. He is your everything till your last breath, one fine day you will definetly get a chance to speak out all your good stories to your husband and if he really loves your he would definetly forgive and love you more. This is my view about this situation. I write this point from my own experience, i am a guy who loves a woman with same situation, but she loves her husband a lot, but we are in a mutual understanding and having a good friendship and love as well. we know each other we love very much. We dont have sex, even if we get a chance to make love, i would not let her do that. We all have only one life in the end, may be 60 years? 50 years ? one day when you grow old, all these situations will be like a good memory to just have a laugh, but when you dont love the other person you might regret in your olden ages. (provided you are in a true love) so fall in love, love is everything, dont let love die in you for any bond it matters. I never call this as cheating, What if your husband has the same feeling with another woman. We are all not perfect, the world is not perfect. if you have cheated someone for love, i would definelty forgive, if someone have cheated for lust, then i would never. i hope after reading this you get some kind of relief, if you get that relief, go to the other person, hug him tightly and tell what is exactly running in your mind. if he can handle it well then well and good, else live it to God. He is the ultimate savior. be cool, be calm, dont get exited for things. please do contact me, if you want to talk to me. :D
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Postby alwaysloveable » Thu Apr 28, 2011 1:33 am

Hi i am too dealing with this exact same issue. i hate myself for having done this to my husband. we have been in a relationship for almost 6 years and just 2 years of marriage. i started an affair with my coworker almost 2 years ago and he tells me he loves me and i am in love with him. I receintly left my job for another one to put myself out of that situation but it only made us crave for each other more. right now me and my husband are seperated because we already started having problems early on in our marriage. my husband also had the suspicion that i was emotionally attached to someone else (which i totally denied to not hurt him more) as i would no longer wanted to have sex with him. everytime i have sex with my lover it feels like magic and now feel disgusting by the idea of having sex with my husband. i am so confused. my lover recently told me he is in love with me but the problem is that he has his girlfriend and three kids. i would never want to break up their family. he says that he is no longer in love with her but is living with her for the sake of their children. i am no lonegr in love with my husband however i do want to be together with him as this seperation made me realise how much i miss him as my friend and companion. I do not know what to do but now my husband is asking me to move back in together and start again but i will not do so unless i breakup with my lover. i now talk more to him and share more with him than i ever did with my husband and he tells me that he would like to be with me someday and have kids of our own if I'm willing to be with him. i really need help. i dont want to hurt either but just can't live like this anymore. sometimes i feel like leaving them both to be at peace.
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