I need help.

Postby Fresha » Sun Apr 25, 2010 8:45 pm

My issues involve all of the other categories; depression, anxiety, panic attacks, anger management, addiction and eating disorders. My wife is in a detox centre. She won't answer the phone to me. Others at the centre have threatened me. She suffers fom Bulimia, alcoholism and depression and she's very angry. I suffer from anxiety, panic attacks, I'm a recovered alcoholic but I'm addicted to codeine. I love her and I believe she loves me but the trouble is taking its toll.

I'm 37 and I'm extremely unhappy with life. I feel guilty about coming on here talking about her while she's in the detox clinic. I'm lonely, frustrated and it's always been a one-sided relationship where the focus and attention from myself and her family is always pointed at her eating disorder and alcoholism. In the month up to Friday, when she went into the detox centre, the police or paramedica were at our place probably every other day, sometimes 3 times a day, because of her overdoses, aggresive behaviour, stealing food from tenants. The main pain comes from being lied to each day. She lies at me in my face. She buys bottles and cans of beer and drinks it when I'm asleep. I find empty bottles all over the house, hidden away. She runs to the shop and shoplifts alcohol when I'm asleep or in the bathroom. She has made me a very nervous and unhappy person. She is in this detox centre for 2 weeks but I don't know what will happen when she comes out.

I have a quiet, intense personality and I can't make friends very easily. I think visually I look very stressed out and traumatised. I have a degree in films and enjoy painting oils but all of this has stopped since I met my wife 3 years ago and then everything went down hill since then. I feel guily about not being loyal to my wife. That's how I feel, guilty that I can't help her, that a detox centre must help her. But when she comes out, I know so much that her troubles are very deep, the idea that we will blossom into a radiant happy couple is continued delusion. There are no close friends or family members who can listen to and understand me. I need help.
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Postby satanstoystore » Mon Apr 26, 2010 7:12 am

2 weeks is not enough. She probably needs 90 days. In a relationship there has to be at least one person that can shape their future. Right now, that's you. You have to push all your problems away, whatever ineffective or roadblocking feelings you get- diligently. While she's away for a couple of weeks you need to find a way to keep her some professional place for longer than that to get her sober and started on facing her issues and learning new emotional tools. Go to an AA meeting and see if there's anyone with ideas for local help.
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Postby clickshic » Mon May 17, 2010 12:59 am

I agree you should keep going to AA meetings to at least vent your frustrations regularly so you don't feel so alone. I know it's easy for me to say you shouldn't feel guilty but you can't hold yourself responsible for someone else's will. By coming on here and seeking help it shows your concerned because you care about her,that's only natural and it's not being disloyal. You shouldn't be beating yourself up about that on top of everything your going through. You are definately going through a very hard time and if you at least kept gong to AA meetings it might be a step in the right direction.
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