love won the day....

Postby simonsays » Fri May 21, 2010 7:10 am

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to share a little of my story... it was over 5 years ago now but still feels like only yesterday. I was working for a charity in Leeds and whilst i was heading for lunch for day i helped a young lady who tripped over just a few metres in front of me. She was terribly thin but i hardly noticed, after helping her up and collecting the contents of her scattered bag we headed to the hospital canteen together. We chatted for what seemed like ages and whilst i ate my lunch she sipped tea. There was something about her and for the rest of that day and beyond i couldn't get her out of my mind. I was quite emotional at the time having only recently split from my partner after discovering her cheating, so i guess i was too wrapped up in my own problems and pain. She listened to me and we got on so well, i was over 40 minutes late back to work! Still to this day i question my fascination with her. I was aware of how thin and frail she was, but after only a couple of months of dating i was so very much in love with her.

I've always considered myself a decent guy but have had an unusual life thus far - highs and lows and my feet are well and truly on the ground and whilst i'm just a normal guy in this big, big world, i do feel i'm able to offer a great deal within a relationship. I've no hang ups, i believe life is just too short for games, and giving real love, care and support comes naturally to me. She would often say how special i made her feel and during the subsequent months i noticed a real change in her outlook. She had struggled with her eating disorder for several years and did suffer from low self esteem. I was very patient with her and listened carefully. I'm not a doctor, i'm just me, but i filled a gap in her life and strived to make her smile each and every day. I expected complete honesty and we always talked openly. I learnt a lot from my short time with this woman, life took on a different pace for me, it slowed down so much that i was able to see what was around me, appreciate so much that passes us by. I've always loved good music, movies, travelling etc, but sharing life with her and taking account of her needs was a part of my life that really made me realise what is of most importance in this world. Nowadays i appreciate the simple things so much more, i treasure my life and have a feel-good factor that i'd never experienced before.

My support was 100%, my committment to her equally so, i never questioned her behaviour or illness. I was there for her in everyway and put my trust and faith in our relationship. It was something i asked her to do, simply live, enjoy and put her trust in us. I was hopeful that my love and devotion would win the day - she often said she had never known such happiness.

Still to this day i can recall her feeling so much better about herself - she would tell everyone how lucky she was and that i'd fixed her. I think in reality i was perhaps the right person for her. She said my love was special and unique - well hey i can assure you i'm just an ordinary guy but being special for her was so easy.

I've so much love and care to give. At first she found it hard to let me in, she would blame the anorexia and was so insecure - convinced that i'd leave her at some point. I never did. I'm sure she found it hard being so honest with me at first, she would have preferred to keep parts of her life from me, like her vomiting, but i made it clear from the start that we had to do this together. I would never judge anyone - i wanted to talk this out, work it out, and be a part of it, it was only way we could deal with it - together.

I had just over a year with her when she was taken from me in a car accident. I didn't handle my loss too well and whilst i have moved on with my life during the last few years i still think about her often. I find myself here at this website only because i was on holiday in Spain and went to an internet cafe and someone had left the page onscreen - i just kinda sat there staring at the computer, it brought it all back to me. After reading some of the stories i was in tears, i could hardly read the screen. I was a little embarassed when the owner of the cafe came over to see if i was ok, my spanish is limited but i apologised and assured her i was just fine.

I'm afraid that trip to internet cafe really shook me up and kind of put a damper on my short break - but i found myself drawn back to the site and felt that i just had to type a few lines. Please take care everyone, this life is so short - live to be happy and good luck, keep strong. Simon
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Postby Nigel » Fri May 21, 2010 11:25 am

Hi Simon,

Welcome, and thank you so much for posting your story. It will give a lot of hope to a lot of people, I'm sure of that.

And I hope as they're reading, that they take a moment to read between the lines and see the real truth about eating disorders. It's one that many suffers and many professionals fail to realise.

It isn't really about food or weight or eating at all. It's about feeling good and worthwhile. It's about finding happiness. And above all it's about finding love and acceptance - from themselves and from others. Something to cling onto when there appears to be nothing else.

The eating disorder was a way of fulfilling some of those needs - and they are very necessary emotional needs which is why a person doesn't want to give them up. But then when they find something better - and that's what you allowed your friend to discover for the first time in probably years - there wasn't really any need to maintain those old less effective ways of coping.

I'm truly sorry your story had such a tragic ending, but you sound like a great person who made her last year a very happy one. I'm sure she's smiling down and thanking you for that, and I hope you're feeling really proud of your part in her happiness.

Thank you, and take care :)
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Postby jfoodle » Sat May 22, 2010 4:32 pm

Thank you for that.feels like I was meant to find it today...synchrinicity or fate, call it what you will, motivation from the strangest sources at the unlikliest of times.

Thank you for sharing and wishing you all the best :)
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