Going to end this all...

Postby Fener » Sat Oct 15, 2011 8:32 pm

I can´t stand this anymore.

I don´t like anything or anyone anymore. Nothing makes me happy. I just want to left all this behind and get to a better place. I hate my friends and family.
Only reason why i´m not already dead is that i dont want to make my parents sad but i don´t think anymore that it´s so important. I have spoken with my parents from my unhappyness but they just say that i have to stand that everything is not so nice.
I haven´t told from suicidal thinkings because i don´t want to make them sad already.

Please someone help soon! I really can´t stand my life anymore. And I´m just 13 years old! :cry:
Fener
New Member
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Oct 15, 2011 7:20 pm
Likes Received: 0


#1

Postby Severijn » Sat Oct 15, 2011 9:30 pm

Hey Fener.

Is it mostly your friends and family that are making you unhappy? Are there any specific things that make you depressed? Like school?

You're young and will have so many opportunities in the future. If you want, you can change your life. In the future you can have other friends. You can change your entire lifestyle.

What is it about your friends you don't like?
Severijn
Preferred Member
 
Posts: 365
Joined: Fri Jan 28, 2011 10:47 pm
Likes Received: 0

#2

Postby Marie Linda » Sun Oct 16, 2011 3:49 am

Hey Fener,
It is sad to read that at such a young age, a person can be so unhappy. I remember when I was 13 years old, I thought I was the fattest, ugliest person and stupid person in this world. I was not best student, I did not have many friends, I did not have nice cloths. My father left us when I was four years old and I was told by my mother that she never wanted me. In other words, my mother was literally raped by my father and that is how she became pregnant with me.

We were very poor. My mother never went pass 7th grade and she married when she was 17 years old. I suffered from anorexia and was alone very often.

The thing that saved my life is that around 14 years old, I truly decided I was going to go to university. I knew my mother couldn't afford to send me to university so I started babysitting and working in a restaurant, cleaning tables till 3 o'clock in the morning. I also started being serious about school. I studied and I stopped talking all the time in class. In grade 10, I received the Greatest Improvement Award. Wow! Me who had never won anything in this world got that award. It truly pushed me to study even more. While all my friends were going on on Friday nights with their boyfriends, i stayed home quiet or I babysat. On Saturdays, I would go snowshooing with a friend. Saturday night, I stayed home quiet, read, llistened to the radio or babysat. Finally, in grade 11, I applied to a School of Journalism and guess what, I was accepted. I could hardly speak in English but still I went to the School and guess what, I finished with an A+ in my Journalism class. I graduated and got a job writing for a national magazine. Slowly but surely, I began being happy again. I was less depressed. I also started exercising a little bit more. Riding my bike, going to the pool at the university, going to the library and eventually on a trip all by myself to England. I've always suffered from depression. I read alot about it though and I found out that the more I read about depression the more I understood the reasons why I felt like I felt and so I could work on myself and become happier.

I also became more grateful for the things I had in life. First and foremost my health and the chance to be able to continue my studies. I took university courses during the summer and also took courses online.

Make a list of the things you want in life. Strive for them. Work hard in school. I promise it will help you and one day you will become an independent person and you will be proud of yourself.

Life is short, sweetie. Promise yourself you will work on yourself. Talk to a counselor at school. I promise you if you take care of yourself, only good things will happen to you.
Marie Linda
New Member
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Oct 15, 2011 2:30 am
Likes Received: 0

#3

Postby lastflower161 » Mon Oct 17, 2011 2:53 am

Thats just how i felt..

But i found this; it has great meaning:

People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead. ---Martha Ainsworth

Im still here, im not perfect and i feel still sad sometimes, but im still here. Be strong, often your are stronger that you think, don't give up!!!, you can do it, it may seem hopeless, but seeing that you posted this means to me, that your still here too, and someone is lookign after you, without your knowledge, you are not alone *hugs*, i'll pray for you, beacuse i believe in you, you will be okay, just don't give up!

I do not know you, but my heart beats for others, as i love others, it would hurt me to see them so sad, as it would hurt me, if you got hurt, i understand your pain, but you have to believe.
lastflower161
Junior Member
 
Posts: 31
Joined: Wed Jun 15, 2011 4:11 am
Likes Received: 0

#4

Postby Fener » Wed Oct 26, 2011 9:07 pm

I think school is at least one important reason why i'm depressed. I was bullied before going to 7th grade. I can easily remember from my 24 or 25 persons class at least 10 persons who bullied me actively and even some from other classes. few people said something bad from me sometimes but they didn't do any psychical harm for me. Many others of my bulliers kicked, punched etc. I hated and i'm still hating every second in school. Maybe because of that when somebody says or does something bad for me with meaning, I want to punch or kick them really hard. I haven't done that but I'm afraid that in some situations in future I just canno't hold myself.
There is nothing wrong with my friends. I just don't like to be with others, including my family. Sometimes I turn my phone off so my friends can't call for me.
I really don't care anymore do I live or not. For example when in the summer there was that summer camp shooter (and bomber if you have readed or heared about it) in the Norway, i didn't have any feelings about shooter (angry, sad or happy)but I was jealous to people who died there and everybody were sad about them.
I dream about jumping at the way of moving car.
I still can't talk to my parent about these thinks because my mom alreadly cried when i told about my unhappiness. Maybe she was thinking too about thinks it could lead.

I don't have any idea what to do.
Fener
New Member
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Oct 15, 2011 7:20 pm
Likes Received: 0

#5

Postby fueledbyhatred » Thu Oct 27, 2011 3:05 am

you know that's the easy way out.

be a man and stand at least towards the end.
fueledbyhatred
New Member
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Oct 27, 2011 2:56 am
Likes Received: 0

#6

Postby kimmy32 » Thu Oct 27, 2011 3:16 pm

hi fener dont do anything silly cause you will only hurt the ones you love and its not worth it i should no ive been there myself i no how your feeling and its horrible for you i no. has your mum or dad spoke to your school about this they really should if its making you feel that way the school might suggest somthing to help you. and they might also let you leave early before the bell so nothing happens at home time cause i no i worried about whats going to happen at home time there gonni get me and i couldnt do my school work for worrying of this i really hope you get this sorted out and do u no what never let anyone make you feel that bad were your gonni do somthing to hurt yourself also if u tell a teacher and you dont want the teacher to act on this tell them then they might just look out for you because they no whats going on and then hopfully at leat your teacher might catch them so it doesnt seem like you have told on them if you no what a mean i hope im making it clear for you lots of people get bulled so dont think its just you thats going threw this its loads of kids even if you feel down maybe see a doctor too and let him no how you feel dont let this go on to long my heart goes out to you and hope everything works out ok kimmy
kimmy32
New Member
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Oct 27, 2011 1:01 am
Likes Received: 0

#7

Postby Fener » Thu Oct 27, 2011 7:42 pm

My parents haves alreadly been talking in my school but that didn´t help at all. They just don´t take me seriously and thinks that i´m normally bored like everyone else.
And yes, as I said on the first post, the only think that keeps me here is that i don´t want to make my parents and others sad.
But I think this is going worse... today at lesson in school i scratched my arm so hard that it almost started to bleed. Then I touched it again and again so it felt like it was burning. It hurted very much but at same time it felt good so i just kept doing it. But i can´t maybe do it anymore because i lied to my parents about the wound and if it repeats they wouldn´t maybe believe me next time. Well, at least my last three hours in school wasn´t so awful as usually but now i got pretty big wound in my arm that hurts an feels good all the time...
Luckily tomorrow is friday. :)
Fener
New Member
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Oct 15, 2011 7:20 pm
Likes Received: 0

#8

Postby JD78 » Thu Oct 27, 2011 11:04 pm

Fener wrote:My parents haves alreadly been talking in my school but that didn´t help at all. They just don´t take me seriously and thinks that i´m normally bored like everyone else.
And yes, as I said on the first post, the only think that keeps me here is that i don´t want to make my parents and others sad.
But I think this is going worse... today at lesson in school i scratched my arm so hard that it almost started to bleed. Then I touched it again and again so it felt like it was burning. It hurted very much but at same time it felt good so i just kept doing it. But i can´t maybe do it anymore because i lied to my parents about the wound and if it repeats they wouldn´t maybe believe me next time. Well, at least my last three hours in school wasn´t so awful as usually but now i got pretty big wound in my arm that hurts an feels good all the time...
Luckily tomorrow is friday. :)


Have you spent much time checking out the "It Gets Better" project, spearheaded by Dan Savage? It's aimed at gay youth, but really it's a strong message for ANY kid who feels bullied.

The #1 thing you have to remember is that ALMOST ALL OF US HAVE BEEN THERE.

I f***ing hated school so much I wanted to die everyday. I hated my friends, hated my family, hated the teachers, the administrators, the cops, the people in cars, dogs, cats, hamsters -- EVERYTHING.

Feeling depressed and angry at 13 is not just normal -- it's practically required, dude! You are not alone.

You are not alone.
You are not alone.
You are not alone.
You are not alone.


Remember that, okay?
JD78
Preferred Member
 
Posts: 336
Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2011 4:18 pm
Location: Bend, Oregon
Likes Received: 0

#9

Postby Marie Linda » Fri Oct 28, 2011 12:53 am

Fener,

I understand there are bullies in school but you have to talk to the principal and the teachers about it. Don't be scared to let them know who bullies you. Ignore these people. Don't listen to them, Don't even talk to them. School is what is going to save you in this life. You have to put the effort to do good in school. I used to spend my entire lunch hours alone in the library doing homework so I wouldn't have to be with people. Stop hurting yourself. You are only hurting yourself. It will lead you nowhere. Tell yourself enough is enough. Strive to be happy. It is not easy but take each day as it comes. Live one hour at a time if you have too but don't give up. Who knows all the good that may happen to you in your life if you make the effort to be positive and happy instead of negative and unhappy.
Marie Linda
New Member
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Oct 15, 2011 2:30 am
Likes Received: 0

#10

Postby Monea2014 » Thu Nov 03, 2011 5:45 pm

Hey Fener. .

I know exactly how u feel. I was in the same boat wen I was jus 14. I only had 2 friends I could really trust and they helped me out. We went to my skool counselor and she got me a therapist. I talk to her whenever I get those types of feelings and she reassures me that everything will be okay. You jus have to want help in order to recieve it. .

P.S. And if that doesnt help some, u can always talk to me bcuz even though we dont know each other, I care.

:)
Monea2014
New Member
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Nov 03, 2011 5:39 pm
Likes Received: 0



Return to Depression