Help! my life has went severley downhill

Postby wrt93ga@gmail.com » Sun Dec 11, 2011 3:27 am

i used to be the happiest kid in the world. In middle school i was known as the ''cool'' kid and didnt even realize it. i was the best football player and was the strongest kid to ever go through. All the girls were attracted to me, and i just thought that everybody was nice. I wasnt stuckup and concieted like the people who are known as the cool kids. i was Nice to everybody and would do anything to help out a friend. I made it to highschool and was getting even more compliments. I didnt even know of the status of cool. I just thought everyone was nice. I continued getting better in football and wrestling, and was having colleges look at me for football and wrestling in just 9th grade. Senior girls were crazy over me and i was just a freshman. I also was extremley smart and made straight a's. I also enjoyed skateboarding and became sponsored at 13. I was beyond motivated and suceeded in everything. Then it all turned around my tenth grade year. My 9th grade summer i lifted weights everyday and gained alot of weight for football. I gained about 30 pounds, And everybody treated me different. I was made fun of and no longer got attention from all the girls. I realized i had to lose weight. Everyday consisted of ways i could lose weight. I no longer tried in anything else but that. My grades slipped and i quit doing sports. I started being called dumb everyday. I was called fat and ugly by everybody. And just a few months back i was known as the best looking guy in school. I started avoiding people and developed social anxiety disorder. I didnt even feel like a person anymore. I believed everything i was told and my self esteem got so bad, that i couldnt even look at my parents. I quit feeling emotion and lost myself as a person. I even developed social anxiety around my parents, for fear of them seeing what i turned into. I developed severe bulimia to where i would vomit up to ten times a day. My coaches even started calling me stupid and fat. Theyd make fun of me everyday. It became so bad i couldnt go out in public, because i just felt so worthless and ugly. I felt like anywhere i went people would stare at me because of how ugly i am. It continued through the rest of my highschool career but only got worse. Girls would come up to me and ask what happened to me. I felt like a social outcast and the ugliest person on earth. My obsession with losing weight got worse and thats all i thought about. I barley graduated and lost everything i could have accomplished. I now suffer with severe depression, social anxiety disorder, and bulimia. I have a horrible relationship with my parents because i cant even talk to them, for how low my self esteem is. I cant even go outside for fear of being around people. I hate for people to see what i am now, because of what i used to be. I drink everyday to numb it but i just end up crying. Im only 18 and have thrown away all my scholarships, friendships, relationships i have nothing. I want to get better so bad, but cant. My mom and dad are devistated and are going through depression because of what happened to me. I dont know what to do. I just want to be the person i used to be. The thing that hurts the most is i cant even talk to anybody about it because of how bad i feel about myself. I dont know how in a three month period i can go from who i was to girls and guys coming up to me saying what happened to you. your fat and ugly now. I feel like i have to get back down to my weight to even be accepted as a person. My bulimia continues to get worse but i never lose weight and my hair is starting to fall out. Please somebody Help me!! or tell me what i should do!!
wrt93ga@gmail.com
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#1

Postby wrt93ga@gmail.com » Sun Dec 11, 2011 3:35 am

sorry for such a long post. I tried to sum it up as much as i could. There is a bunch of other stuff i went through. but those are some of the main ones. People just look at me as a punching bag now. I cant even stand up for myself. Little things such as someone telling me i did something wrong hurts me severley. I am verry sensative now and cry over my dad raising his voice to me. I dont think you can feel anymore depressed and lonley as i am. I just want to move on with my life. This has been going on for three years and shows no signs of getting better. it just gets worse with time. Somebody please respond and tell me what i should do to start getting better!
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#2

Postby Linda Campbell » Sat Dec 17, 2011 10:26 pm

Hi, Ia m sorry to hear how much you are struggling but there is hope for you. I am a certified hypnotherapist and from what you described, I know hypnosis can help you. It seems you have really attached a lot of your identity to other people's reactions to you. So...when they started to react to your weight gain, you began to feel you needed to do something drastic to gain favour with them again.
As a Hypnotherapist I would work with you to help you become less identified with what other people think of you, to help you have self esteem, confidence and self belief regardless of how other people treat you. I would also help you to work throught eh social anxiety and the eating disorder.
But it all stems from not feeling good enough and that is the vital area to address. I would suggest looking for a hypnotherapist in your area who can help you with self image and self esteem. good luck!
Linda Campbell Your Authentic Self Hypnotherapy Inc.[url][/url]
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#3

Postby Severijn » Sat Dec 17, 2011 11:26 pm

Hi wrt93ga@gmail.com.

The obvious solution but perhaps not an easy solution is losing the weight you gained.

The bulimia you have got seems to me a desperate attempt at losing your weight. But bulimia is definitely not the answer to losing weight.

I don't want to sound like I'm promoting a product here because I'm not. I've just tried their programs and they helped me. Do a google search for "Burn The Fat Feed The Muscle" or "Lose Fat Not Faith". They helped me to think in the right way about losing fatcells, and keeping a good constant weight, without using dangerous dieting methods. Learning about fitness knowledge like macro-nutrients, carbs-proteins-fats, calorie cycling, BMR, HIIT training, your metabolism, wholesome healthy foods, are a good way to start. Start reading up on fitness knowledge to figure out what is a right and healthy way of losing fat you don't want.

This is a good fitness forum: http://forums.johnstonefitness.com/

Read up on the posts and articles there to learn more about fitness and health.

I think what also bothers you is the following. You've basically had it pretty easy throughout your life. Things came natural too you. You didn't think or analyze about socializing, because you had no need for it. But now when things went wrong, you don't have the knowledge and knowledge of social skills to turn your life around anymore. So because everything went pretty easily for you, you have not gathered conscious knowledge of social skills. And that just seems to make things even worse and more difficult for you, trapping you in your current situation.

Reading some social skills books can help with that. But if you get to a different weight again, things might come natural to you again.

Well anyway take care and if you have any question plz let me know. I know pretty much about fitness and healthy eating.
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#4

Postby Linda Campbell » Sat Dec 17, 2011 11:35 pm

I can see the logic
"It went bad when I gained weight..so losing weight will make ti go better"

but it is important to understand that this is NOT about weight.
the fact is that you should be bale to be happy regardless of what you weigh! sometimes clients say to me" I will love myself WHEN I weigh less". But it works the other way around!!! If you LOVE yourself first, then you will lose weight because you will treat yourself in a loving way and that means doing what honors your body.
of course, when you truly love yourself you don't really CARE what you weigh because you don't define yourself by such a shallow piece of who you are.
You need to learn to love and respct yourself so that other people's opinions of you do not matter so much. If you think you can only be happy when other people are attracted to you or are being nice to you then you are disempowered because you have no control over how people are going to react to you. If you can learn to be happy regardless of how other people treat you then you have empowerment because you can be happy no matter what. happiness (and self esteem and self love and sucess etc etc etc) all start from within YOU. not from some external measure of your worth. not from whether someone validates you or not!
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