Curiosity or insecurity

Postby Johnnyfive » Wed Dec 28, 2011 9:24 pm

Well, I’ll try to make this short and sweet! My girlfriend of 8 years cheated on me, we broke after not because of the cheating but for other reasons. I didn’t know at the time she cheated. She moved with this new guy 4 or 5 months after we broke up. Now she wants me back!

All I can think about is what he was doing to her and visa versa. I always thought of myself as a good lover, now I feel like I am not good enough, because she had to go somewhere else. He had to be better than me if she choose this guy over me for so long. So I asked her the other day if he was a good lover, she said no, she was laying on me I felt her heart raising when she said that. I replied I have a hard time believing you were with this guy for so long and you didn’t enjoy sleeping with him. Finally she admitted she thought it was good at the time, whatever that is supposed to mean. So this is the embarrassing part, I think that if she thinks this guy was bigger and better then me, I am going to feel embarrassed every time we are together. It’s hard enough knowing she was with someone else and impossible to forget but if she thinks he I better then me I just can’t do it. Is that weird?

Is there any good that can come for asking those kind of questions, truthfully I want to know so I can either deal with it or get away so I don’t have to feel stupid. Girls won’t tell the truth about those kinds of things unless they are mad! I don’t want to be told she liked cheating on me while she is yelling at me.

I guess it is insecurity that drives my curiosity, but I just really can’t stop wondering, are there tips for either asking these kinds of questions or tips for not thinking about them. Is it too out of the normal for a man to feel this way?
Johnnyfive
Junior Member
 
Posts: 29
Joined: Tue Jun 21, 2011 9:07 pm
Likes Received: 0


#1

Postby CrystalMinds » Wed Dec 28, 2011 10:18 pm

When your partner cheats on you, it stays in the relationship for a very long time, I'm just talking out of my own experience.
I think you need to work on trust and honesty.

If you need closure on this, it's a nice idea to talk to her about it. No interrogation like: ok, this and this and that I wanna know.
No, a converstation, not interrogation.

It could be that, if you have your answers, you'll feel worse.
So I think you need to decide for yourself:
1: do you want to get back together with her?
2: do you think you can get over what happened?
3: will you'll be able to build a relationship with her after what happened?
CrystalMinds
New Member
 
Posts: 18
Joined: Sat Nov 12, 2011 8:27 am
Likes Received: 0

#2

Postby Johnnyfive » Wed Dec 28, 2011 10:58 pm

Good reply but doesn't really answer any of my questions. Yes I want her back, I don't know if I can get over what happened, and I wouldn't be able to if she thinks this guy was so great.
Johnnyfive
Junior Member
 
Posts: 29
Joined: Tue Jun 21, 2011 9:07 pm
Likes Received: 0

#3

Postby CrystalMinds » Wed Dec 28, 2011 11:00 pm

Answer to ur questions:
no, it's not weird.
no, it's normal to feel this way.

That better then?
CrystalMinds
New Member
 
Posts: 18
Joined: Sat Nov 12, 2011 8:27 am
Likes Received: 0

#4

Postby Johnnyfive » Wed Dec 28, 2011 11:06 pm

How would one have a conversation without interrogating, and get the answers I need? Thanks for your reply.
Johnnyfive
Junior Member
 
Posts: 29
Joined: Tue Jun 21, 2011 9:07 pm
Likes Received: 0

#5

Postby Candid » Thu Dec 29, 2011 2:36 am

I don't think you'll ever get the answers you want.

If a woman really loves a man, she'll think the sex is fantastic. It probably works the other way as well.

It's a big mistake to separate sex from love. And yes, I'm from the older generation. I've had plenty of loveless sex as well as plenty of loving sex, and the difference is profound.

The only thing I would want to know would be why she went off with another man. If she shrugs that off with "I don't know" "I was curious" or any other brief answer, you probably need to accept that she'll do the same thing again at the drop of a hat/pants.

To be honest I can't think of any answer to the 'why' question that would satisfy me, but maybe your girl will come up with one. All that matters is whether it reassures you.

Let me tell you this: your size, energy, kinks, frequency of desire and everything else are perfect for someone. Probably lots of someones.
Candid
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 9201
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2010 10:00 am
Likes Received: 454



Return to Relationships

cron