Don't feel loved and appreciated by my friends

Postby CrystalMinds » Wed Dec 28, 2011 10:07 pm

I don't really know where to start so I'll just spill it.

I don't feel loved and appreciated by my friends. I would do so much for them, but they wouldn't do the same for me.
Stupid (not stupid for me, might be stupid for you) example of this week: I wanted to have a drink with my 3 friends for my birthday.
It's tomorrow, so I wanted to do it on thirsday. After some issues I heard one of my friends would rather have it on friday, so i put it on friday. But then they said: hey, it's ur birthday, you choose the day. So I was like, okay, I'll do it on thursday cuz it's my birthday then. But then my best friend says she has plans tomorrow in the afternoon and she's going to see a friend of hers, just to hang out, and she said she'll come over a bit later than planned.

Then I was like, you prefer hanging out with her instead of coming to a birthdaydrink?
I'm probably overreacting, but I feel like I would do so much for them, cuz they're my friends, but they take it for granted and wouldn't do the same for me...
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#1

Postby freedom80 » Wed Dec 28, 2011 10:32 pm

CrystalMinds wrote:I don't really know where to start so I'll just spill it.

I don't feel loved and appreciated by my friends. I would do so much for them, but they wouldn't do the same for me.
Stupid (not stupid for me, might be stupid for you) example of this week: I wanted to have a drink with my 3 friends for my birthday.
It's tomorrow, so I wanted to do it on thirsday. After some issues I heard one of my friends would rather have it on friday, so i put it on friday. But then they said: hey, it's ur birthday, you choose the day. So I was like, okay, I'll do it on thursday cuz it's my birthday then. But then my best friend says she has plans tomorrow in the afternoon and she's going to see a friend of hers, just to hang out, and she said she'll come over a bit later than planned.

Then I was like, you prefer hanging out with her instead of coming to a birthdaydrink?
I'm probably overreacting, but I feel like I would do so much for them, cuz they're my friends, but they take it for granted and wouldn't do the same for me...



Hey there, I think its really hard to find genuine friends. Its sad but its true. If I were you I'd keep with your friends even though you would like them to be more realiable, don't cut them off, Ive done this in the past and it just leaves you all alone feeling worse. Why should you be friendless when its not you whos at fault. But I would say try to also make new friends. Just keep trying to meet new people until you stumble upon someone who gives you the same time and respect you give them.
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#2

Postby CrystalMinds » Wed Dec 28, 2011 10:35 pm

freedom80 wrote:
CrystalMinds wrote:I don't really know where to start so I'll just spill it.

I don't feel loved and appreciated by my friends. I would do so much for them, but they wouldn't do the same for me.
Stupid (not stupid for me, might be stupid for you) example of this week: I wanted to have a drink with my 3 friends for my birthday.
It's tomorrow, so I wanted to do it on thirsday. After some issues I heard one of my friends would rather have it on friday, so i put it on friday. But then they said: hey, it's ur birthday, you choose the day. So I was like, okay, I'll do it on thursday cuz it's my birthday then. But then my best friend says she has plans tomorrow in the afternoon and she's going to see a friend of hers, just to hang out, and she said she'll come over a bit later than planned.

Then I was like, you prefer hanging out with her instead of coming to a birthdaydrink?
I'm probably overreacting, but I feel like I would do so much for them, cuz they're my friends, but they take it for granted and wouldn't do the same for me...



Hey there, I think its really hard to find genuine friends. Its sad but its true. If I were you I'd keep with your friends even though you would like them to be more realiable, don't cut them off, Ive done this in the past and it just leaves you all alone feeling worse. Why should you be friendless when its not you whos at fault. But I would say try to also make new friends. Just keep trying to meet new people until you stumble upon someone who gives you the same time and respect you give them.


Thank you, yeah, you're right. I won't cut them off or I'll end up with nobody but myself, and since I'm not too keen on myself, that's not an option.
It just makes me feel worthless, like I don't matter and people just have time for me when they feel like it.
I should start treating people the way they treat me, fact is that I can't do that cuz I'm a peoplepleaser, i want people to like me :s
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#3

Postby freedom80 » Wed Dec 28, 2011 10:47 pm

CrystalMinds wrote:
freedom80 wrote:
CrystalMinds wrote:I don't really know where to start so I'll just spill it.

I don't feel loved and appreciated by my friends. I would do so much for them, but they wouldn't do the same for me.
Stupid (not stupid for me, might be stupid for you) example of this week: I wanted to have a drink with my 3 friends for my birthday.
It's tomorrow, so I wanted to do it on thirsday. After some issues I heard one of my friends would rather have it on friday, so i put it on friday. But then they said: hey, it's ur birthday, you choose the day. So I was like, okay, I'll do it on thursday cuz it's my birthday then. But then my best friend says she has plans tomorrow in the afternoon and she's going to see a friend of hers, just to hang out, and she said she'll come over a bit later than planned.

Then I was like, you prefer hanging out with her instead of coming to a birthdaydrink?
I'm probably overreacting, but I feel like I would do so much for them, cuz they're my friends, but they take it for granted and wouldn't do the same for me...



Hey there, I think its really hard to find genuine friends. Its sad but its true. If I were you I'd keep with your friends even though you would like them to be more realiable, don't cut them off, Ive done this in the past and it just leaves you all alone feeling worse. Why should you be friendless when its not you whos at fault. But I would say try to also make new friends. Just keep trying to meet new people until you stumble upon someone who gives you the same time and respect you give them.


Thank you, yeah, you're right. I won't cut them off or I'll end up with nobody but myself, and since I'm not too keen on myself, that's not an option.
It just makes me feel worthless, like I don't matter and people just have time for me when they feel like it.
I should start treating people the way they treat me, fact is that I can't do that cuz I'm a peoplepleaser, i want people to like me :s


I totally understand you, I feel the same with alot of people I know, I cant say I have one true friend to be honest. Alot of people ignore me once they have a partner then, they come back to me when their relationship doesn't work etc etc so I know how you feel. Its not fair but how alot of people are. I think if you find someone with genuine interests to you, like have loads in common there is probably less chance of this happening, why its good to try and make new friends. Dont think less of yourself, People don't think less of you, they are so wrapped up in their own world, they probably dont realise how insensitive their behavior is.
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#4

Postby CrystalMinds » Wed Dec 28, 2011 10:50 pm

Yeah that's true, and I'm meeting new people, but when it comes down to it, I bet they're all just like the rest :)
Maybe I am too, I'm just seeing things in my perspective, I just see how they act and how I THINK I act.

I just wanna talk to my friend about it but i'm scared she'll get mad or whatever, or blow it off...

I don't wanna sound mean but it's kinda "nice" in a way that I'm not the only one who feels this way...
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#5

Postby freedom80 » Wed Dec 28, 2011 11:52 pm

CrystalMinds wrote:Yeah that's true, and I'm meeting new people, but when it comes down to it, I bet they're all just like the rest :)
Maybe I am too, I'm just seeing things in my perspective, I just see how they act and how I THINK I act.

I just wanna talk to my friend about it but i'm scared she'll get mad or whatever, or blow it off...

I don't wanna sound mean but it's kinda "nice" in a way that I'm not the only one who feels this way...


Its not just me, there will be lots of people who feel like this. Its just life unfortunately. Yes you may well be the same, as I'm sure I will be to a greater or lesser degree and depending on the situation, time in your life etc. You can find that special, loyal someone in a partner, but in terms of friends, keep friends at a distance then you wont be as hurt as much.
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#6

Postby theforsaken » Thu Dec 29, 2011 2:16 am

Yeah it does seem like an overreaction to me. it wouldn't worry me.
I would probly choose friday myself no matter when my actual birthday is, just because it's the start of the weekend and then afterwards you still have saturday and sunday to chill.

Then again it also wouldn't worry me too much if I did nothing for my birthday.

having said that, I do also believe that friends are over rated, and usually just want sh** from you.
I stopped hearing from alot of my brothers friends once they turned 18 and could buy their own smokes and alcohol. go figure.
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#7

Postby Candid » Thu Dec 29, 2011 3:10 am

CrystalMinds wrote:my birthday... It's tomorrow, so I wanted to do it on thirsday. After some issues I heard one of my friends would rather have it on friday, so i put it on friday. But then they said: hey, it's ur birthday, you choose the day. So I was like, okay, I'll do it on thursday cuz it's my birthday then. But then my best friend says she has plans tomorrow in the afternoon and she's going to see a friend of hers, just to hang out, and she said she'll come over a bit later than planned.
From this example, you were wishy-washy about your plans and your friend made another arrangement for Thursday thinking your session was on Friday. It's unrealistic to expect her to change plans made with somebody else because you've changed your mind.

You'll do better being very clear right from the start: drinks are on Thursday, are you coming or not? And make the arrangement at least a week in advance so people know what they're doing.

Your friends will treat you better if you have clear expectations of what you want from them.
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