I wanna be like someone else,how do I be me and be happy I'm

Postby CrystalMinds » Wed Jan 18, 2012 12:04 pm

I wanna be like someone else, but how do I be me and be happy I'm me?

There's this girl, let's call her D. who I think is my best friend. She has a friend, let's call her A. who's probably one of D's best friends.

I don't like A. She's overly confident, loud, sometimes a bit cocky, and acting all cool and fun and like life's free of cares.
Sometimes she reminds me of a 16 year old (we're all 22 but A.'s 20).

Now sometimes I get the feeling D. (my friend) prefers the company of A., because she's so much "fun".

I know I can be fun too, but i put myself down all the time, thinking I'm not fun enough, not pretty enough, not cool enough, not smart enough, ...

I don't wanna think that my friend prefers A's company. But still, I wanna be more like A, cuz she's so confident and carefree. On the other hand, i don't wanna be like her, cuz she's never there when D. needs her, and I am always there.

I'm just a bit jealous I guess, I just wanna be proud of who I am and not wanting to be like anybody else, I don't really know how to do that..

Sorry if this sounds a bit confusing, but it's a bit of my state of mind now :)
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#1

Postby jurplesman » Thu Jan 19, 2012 5:20 am

Hi CrystalMinds,

This is obviously a self-esteem issue. Very often you cannot convince yourself out of negative self-image, because a negative self-image is usually caused by an inner metabolic disorder that has problems producing feel good neurotransmitters and hormones. IOWs a seemingly "psychological" problem is mistaken for health problem.
Please study:
Treatment of a Low self-esteem.

Most people can improve their self-image by going on a Hypoglycemic Diet

And then study:
Summary of Self-help Psychotherapy

in its entirety from beginning to end. It includes a program showing you how to overcome a negative self-image, and assertiveness training program, communication course and values clarification course.
You may require the help of a CBT counsellor to successfully complete this program, but many people can help themselves by reading the articles over and over again.
Once you become familiar with the connection between mood and diet, you will be able to help yourself. You can use our "Search our Web Site" or INDEX for more information on topics you might be interested in.
The psychological aspects of a low self-esteem has also been covered in my book "Getting off The Hook", starting at Page 36
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#2

Postby IngridG » Fri Jan 20, 2012 5:42 am

CrystalMinds wrote:I wanna be like someone else, but how do I be me and be happy I'm me?

There's this girl, let's call her D. who I think is my best friend. She has a friend, let's call her A. who's probably one of D's best friends.

I don't like A. She's overly confident, loud, sometimes a bit cocky, and acting all cool and fun and like life's free of cares.
Sometimes she reminds me of a 16 year old (we're all 22 but A.'s 20).

Now sometimes I get the feeling D. (my friend) prefers the company of A., because she's so much "fun".

I know I can be fun too, but i put myself down all the time, thinking I'm not fun enough, not pretty enough, not cool enough, not smart enough, ...

I don't wanna think that my friend prefers A's company. But still, I wanna be more like A, cuz she's so confident and carefree. On the other hand, i don't wanna be like her, cuz she's never there when D. needs her, and I am always there.

I'm just a bit jealous I guess, I just wanna be proud of who I am and not wanting to be like anybody else, I don't really know how to do that..

Sorry if this sounds a bit confusing, but it's a bit of my state of mind now :)


I want you to know that at your age, this is somewhat expected because we've been trained to compare by societal norms. The answers lay in what you're willing to do about what you're feeling.

I would love to help but I can only help based on your truest desire to change that. One of the suggestions I would make is to immerse yourself in reading self improvement materials or books regarding self esteem and maybe even finding meditations on it as well.

There is currently a Self Improvement Giveaway 6 going on online with lots of free material that you can download. You can Google that and it should come up with the website for it. It's up to you and I'm glad you're seeking help from others. I would say to try working on yourself first before going toward anything that involves having to take a pill to help you.

Just my humble opinion and suggestions.
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#3

Postby Feareegag » Fri Jan 27, 2012 4:57 pm

I am sorry, that has interfered... I understand this question. Let's discuss.
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#4

Postby JD78 » Fri Jan 27, 2012 5:50 pm

Crystal, embrace who you are, even if that person is somewhat introverted, somewhat self-effacing, and perhaps cynical. There is a value in this world ascribed to such people. We can't all be type-A, happy-go-lucky, loud and self-confident humans.

What we can be is secure in what we know are our own personality traits. Perhaps parlay a little more of your personality into something humorous. There is an endearing quality to people who make fun of themselves and don't take themselves too seriously, particularly if you are witty while doing so. That may be who you are (or who you will one day be).

Attempting to mimic someone else's personality is a losing battle, but it's an all too common effort undertaken by someone your age. I, too, am, a bit more reserved, self-effacing, and appear to be less self-confident. In my early 20s, I decided I was sick of trying to be the cocky dude with the magnetic personality, and I embraced my quieter, more intellectual and cynical side. There were MANY people who became attracted to this sort of personality, and they ended up being people I enjoyed being around. My wife found it endearing, too, and I'm married with 2 kids, and about 3 or 4 very close friends (who I would not trade for 10 slap-you-on-the-back pals who are loud and Type A).

It's very likely "D" is your friend precisely because you're not like "A". So don't try to be her. Just be you. The fact that you are "there for her" suggests she will one day decide you - and not A - are her best friend. People change as they age. The "fun times" usually end in your mid-20s, and it's time to get serious. That's when a friend like you becomes crucial.
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