How I feel about myself depends on how others treat me

Postby CrystalMinds » Wed Feb 01, 2012 6:41 pm

Hi

I'm not feeling good about myself lately, not at all. They say: be your own best friend. Well, I think I'm my worst enemy.
Anyways, the way I feel about myself depends on how others treat me.

Like last night I went out with some friends from school, and I know one of them isn't too fond of me, which bugs me cuz I can't stand the thought that somebody doesn't like me. So she's closer with the others, which is normal. But it makes me feel bad.

Now, my best friend has two best friends: me and another girl. I got the feeling that she and that other girl hung out a lot more than me and her. Could be because I'm having exams and she didn't wanna disturb me or anything, but we were meeting up this week and she said she couldn't make it, cuz she's sick and asked me to come over later this week.

I'm just putting thoughts in my head that people like everybody else but me. That I'm boring and no fun. One of my biggest fears is ending up alone, without friends or anything. I don't have many friends, no need to, I know a few good ones are better than a lot of "empty" friends.

But still, I HATE feeling like this about myself and I wanna change this cuz this is really getting me down.
I hope somebody has any ideas?
CrystalMinds
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#1

Postby jennuine » Thu Feb 02, 2012 9:06 pm

CrystalMinds,

I'm sorry to hear that you have not been feeling good about yourself lately. I truly feel that everyone has a moment like this somewhere in their lifespan. When it becomes excessive is when the worry comes. I have been in your shoes and it took me 31 years to realize it.

I recently took on a very difficult task where I experienced extremely rude commends and put-downs from those around me. When it happens all of the time you find yourself puzzled and uncertain if its true or not. When I moved from the negative environment, I started to feel more positive about the individual I am. Now I stand up for myself. I had to learn that family is family but it will never justify or make it appropriate for them or anyone else to disrespect you.

It sounds like you have some uncertainty about you which makes it easier for you to feel negative about yourself especially with others. It can be complex but when you feel better about yourself - it wont be as easy to make you feel this way and eventually you can make a decision as to whats next.

I had to eliminate people from my life because I deserve happiness. I made mistakes but learned a lot from them. People can accept me and treat me with respect or they aren't welcome in my life. Easier said than done but what often needs to be done.

I am more than happy to form a friendship with you and help you get through these times, simply because I'm in the counseling field and Ive been there - sometimes still am.

It also sounds like there is some jealousy - I don't blame you, again Ive been there. Have you discussed your feelings with your friend?

I think everyone faces one point where they are afraid to be alone but you have to remember your not. You have to have yourself in order to have others in your life. You have to find that happiness and positive perception in order to enjoy life and get past things like this.

You aren't alone. I know you barely know me but there are others in your shoes out there and if you need anything - I am here. I don't turn my back on friends.

- Jenn


CrystalMinds wrote:Hi

I'm not feeling good about myself lately, not at all. They say: be your own best friend. Well, I think I'm my worst enemy.
Anyways, the way I feel about myself depends on how others treat me.

Like last night I went out with some friends from school, and I know one of them isn't too fond of me, which bugs me cuz I can't stand the thought that somebody doesn't like me. So she's closer with the others, which is normal. But it makes me feel bad.

Now, my best friend has two best friends: me and another girl. I got the feeling that she and that other girl hung out a lot more than me and her. Could be because I'm having exams and she didn't wanna disturb me or anything, but we were meeting up this week and she said she couldn't make it, cuz she's sick and asked me to come over later this week.

I'm just putting thoughts in my head that people like everybody else but me. That I'm boring and no fun. One of my biggest fears is ending up alone, without friends or anything. I don't have many friends, no need to, I know a few good ones are better than a lot of "empty" friends.

But still, I HATE feeling like this about myself and I wanna change this cuz this is really getting me down.
I hope somebody has any ideas?
jennuine
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#2

Postby Dreamlife » Sun Feb 05, 2012 3:21 pm

Hi Crystal Minds,
You sound pretty down right now......

Jen, had some good advice for you, please don't let other people determine your happiness.

Sounds like you are the smart one, studying for a great future.(You don't want to be working for minimum wage in your 30's) There is so much to life to explore that you need money for that!) Keep up the good work and maintain your friendship with your true friends.

I am 40 years old and I think I am one of the luckiest people on earth with the 4 best friends that I have.

Remember life is a journey and people come into your life for a reason, a season and for a lifetime!


CrystalMinds wrote:Hi

I'm not feeling good about myself lately, not at all. They say: be your own best friend. Well, I think I'm my worst enemy.
Anyways, the way I feel about myself depends on how others treat me.

Like last night I went out with some friends from school, and I know one of them isn't too fond of me, which bugs me cuz I can't stand the thought that somebody doesn't like me. So she's closer with the others, which is normal. But it makes me feel bad.

Now, my best friend has two best friends: me and another girl. I got the feeling that she and that other girl hung out a lot more than me and her. Could be because I'm having exams and she didn't wanna disturb me or anything, but we were meeting up this week and she said she couldn't make it, cuz she's sick and asked me to come over later this week.

I'm just putting thoughts in my head that people like everybody else but me. That I'm boring and no fun. One of my biggest fears is ending up alone, without friends or anything. I don't have many friends, no need to, I know a few good ones are better than a lot of "empty" friends.

But still, I HATE feeling like this about myself and I wanna change this cuz this is really getting me down.
I hope somebody has any ideas?
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#3

Postby Candid » Mon Feb 06, 2012 12:36 am

CrystalMinds, when I was studying psychology a tutor put labels on our foreheads. We could all see everyone's label except our own, so we didn't know what it said. We were then told to have a group discussion, treating each other according to label.

It was a long time ago but I remember one poor girl was labelled "insignificant". No one asked her anything. We actually had a go-round with a particular question and just skipped past her as if she wasn't there. When she said anything, we ignored her. After a couple of quiet sentences she stopped trying to be part of the discussion and just sat there looking sad and angry.

You're quite right that the way you feel about yourself will change according to how others treat you. Thing is, it also works the other way: others will treat you according to the way you feel about yourself.

You haven't got a label on your head, but how you feel about yourself shows in the way you talk, the things you say about yourself, the way you respond to people, the way you walk, the way you dress, the look on your face... loads of things. So you need to feel better about yourself before people will treat you better.

What invisible label might you have on your head now?
What label would you prefer?
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#4

Postby freedom80 » Mon Feb 06, 2012 11:12 am

Candid wrote:CrystalMinds, when I was studying psychology a tutor put labels on our foreheads. We could all see everyone's label except our own, so we didn't know what it said. We were then told to have a group discussion, treating each other according to label.

It was a long time ago but I remember one poor girl was labelled "insignificant". No one asked her anything. We actually had a go-round with a particular question and just skipped past her as if she wasn't there. When she said anything, we ignored her. After a couple of quiet sentences she stopped trying to be part of the discussion and just sat there looking sad and angry.

You're quite right that the way you feel about yourself will change according to how others treat you. Thing is, it also works the other way: others will treat you according to the way you feel about yourself.

You haven't got a label on your head, but how you feel about yourself shows in the way you talk, the things you say about yourself, the way you respond to people, the way you walk, the way you dress, the look on your face... loads of things. So you need to feel better about yourself before people will treat you better.




I tried this once on a down day, I tried to walk around feeling proud and some arrogant person said, some people give them self more self worth than they deserve. Which really made me feel bad because Im normally quiet and modest. With nasty people in the world like this is makes it very difficult.

What invisible label might you have on your head now?
What label would you prefer?
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#5

Postby Candid » Tue Feb 07, 2012 2:59 pm

I tried this once on a down day, I tried to walk around feeling proud and some arrogant person said, some people give them self more self worth than they deserve. Which really made me feel bad because Im normally quiet and modest. With nasty people in the world like this is makes it very difficult.
That's the thing. You don't try to do it, you just do it. First you have to feel proud of yourself -- and that's unlikely on a "down day". If you genuinely felt good about being you, you would have had a suitable reply for that arrogant person. In fact, it's highly unlikely they would have had a pop at you in the first place. :wink:

BTW the more years I live, the less I believe in "nasty people". We're all just acting out of our experiences and beliefs in this world; I believe we're all doing our best.
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