How to be back the confident self I used to be

Postby CrystalMinds » Sun Feb 12, 2012 2:06 pm

So there's this girl in my class, which is a part of my circle of friends in school (we just hang out with the same people) but she doesn't really like me.
Maybe I'm just paranoid but it's just the feeling that I get from her.
When we go out she takes a lot of pictures, not that many from me, in classes she doesn't talk to me that much, ... just stuff like that.

I'm the type of person who wants everybody to like her, though I know that's not possible. I have very low self esteem, I think I'm boring, ugly, no fun, blah, ...

I know that not everybody likes me. Sometimes I don't like someone and I don't know why, they're just not my type of person. But from some people I "crave" acceptance and liking, while from other people I don't really care.

It makes me really self concious which results in me not being myself. I used to be a really talkative person, fun, funny, bubbly, active, ... but lately I'm feeling really bad, which has to do with self esteem so if I posted this in the wrong place, I'm sorry.

I just wanna be confident again, and by googling: how to be confident, doesn't really work for me. I just wanna hear stories from people who got out of their "low confidence zone" and went back to their confidence self :)
Cuz I don't really know where to start, and I don't feel like looking into the mirror or writing a list of my good qualities, because I won't find that many.
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#1

Postby makingthingswork » Wed Feb 15, 2012 12:16 am

I think it's unreasonable to expect everyone to like you. I say this because
everyone is different. The fact is that people are more inclined to like those that are similar to themselves. Whether it be looks, personality, way of thinking etc... They feel comfortable being with like minded people and find it awkward to try and relate with someone who's somewhat different from them.

For building self confidence why not start by asking yourself what initially attracted your friends to you and what makes them like you? I'm sure there's some great qualities that you have which draws them to you and causes them to love being around you.

See if you can focus more on spending time with and enjoying the company of those that have accepted you for who you are and less on trying to get someone to like you if they can't seem to appreciate you for being you.

Remember that it's their loss. They're missing out on being friends with a talkative, fun, funny and bubbly young lady :)

So, just be yourself!
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#2

Postby karaheissman » Thu Feb 16, 2012 4:14 pm

Confidence isn't a consistent trait. It is natural for anyone to have highs and lows in terms of self esteem--we are bound to have periods of insecurity, because we are always growing. Even the most confident person feels inadequate sometimes. As for me, when I am feeling particularly low, I choose to spend some time alone. This may seem like an overused advise, but it sure is valuable to me. Taking time alone gives me the time and space to relax, clear out my mind and understand what I really feel and why I feel that way. This helps me put things into perspective.
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#3

Postby SonOfLothar » Sat Feb 18, 2012 8:05 pm

I can relate to what u are saying, I also have this trait that I want every 1 to like me
especially people who have a quality that I admire and dont have myself and wish I had. But over the years I have gotten to know myself allot better than before and I know I posses quality's myself and that you can always improve yourself and attain these things you dont have. Thinking this way has given me allot of confidence.
The most important thing is how much u like yourself and this can only come from yourself and not from other people's approval.
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#4

Postby Kratom Incense » Wed Feb 22, 2012 6:44 pm

CrystalMinds wrote:So there's this girl in my class, which is a part of my circle of friends in school (we just hang out with the same people) but she doesn't really like me.
Maybe I'm just paranoid but it's just the feeling that I get from her.
When we go out she takes a lot of pictures, not that many from me, in classes she doesn't talk to me that much, ... just stuff like that.

I'm the type of person who wants everybody to like her, though I know that's not possible. I have very low self esteem, I think I'm boring, ugly, no fun, blah, ...

I know that not everybody likes me. Sometimes I don't like someone and I don't know why, they're just not my type of person. But from some people I "crave" acceptance and liking, while from other people I don't really care.

It makes me really self concious which results in me not being myself. I used to be a really talkative person, fun, funny, bubbly, active, ... but lately I'm feeling really bad, which has to do with self esteem so if I posted this in the wrong place, I'm sorry.

I just wanna be confident again, and by googling: how to be confident, doesn't really work for me. I just wanna hear stories from people who got out of their "low confidence zone" and went back to their confidence self :)
Cuz I don't really know where to start, and I don't feel like looking into the mirror or writing a list of my good qualities, because I won't find that many.


I know the feeling, exactly how you feel. I used to be on top of the world, all the friends I could ever want, a great social life, girls, everything. And then I turned to drugs and even though I am not doing this, I just can't get my self esteem back, I am thinking about trying a therapist but one thing I have learned with therapists is you have to look around til you find one that actually works for you. Most of them suck in my opinion.
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#5

Postby Kratom Incense » Wed Feb 22, 2012 6:46 pm

CrystalMinds wrote:So there's this girl in my class, which is a part of my circle of friends in school (we just hang out with the same people) but she doesn't really like me.
Maybe I'm just paranoid but it's just the feeling that I get from her.
When we go out she takes a lot of pictures, not that many from me, in classes she doesn't talk to me that much, ... just stuff like that.

I'm the type of person who wants everybody to like her, though I know that's not possible. I have very low self esteem, I think I'm boring, ugly, no fun, blah, ...

I know that not everybody likes me. Sometimes I don't like someone and I don't know why, they're just not my type of person. But from some people I "crave" acceptance and liking, while from other people I don't really care.

It makes me really self concious which results in me not being myself. I used to be a really talkative person, fun, funny, bubbly, active, ... but lately I'm feeling really bad, which has to do with self esteem so if I posted this in the wrong place, I'm sorry.

I just wanna be confident again, and by googling: how to be confident, doesn't really work for me. I just wanna hear stories from people who got out of their "low confidence zone" and went back to their confidence self :)
Cuz I don't really know where to start, and I don't feel like looking into the mirror or
writing a list of my good qualities, because I won't find that many.



I know exactly how you feel, and the older I get it gets worse and worse. SOmetimes I will look at a picture of myself from maybe a couple years ago and say wow, I really had it going then, why didn't I have self esteem then. It's a neverending loop. I think a GOOD therapist would be good for this, the problem is finding a GOOD therapist. Most of them suck!
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