I'm scared of being alone.....

Postby pussywillow » Thu May 03, 2012 11:01 am

I met a guy on an online dating site. We met up and hit it off straight away. I fell head first into it. We saw each other most nights, my friends and family thought he was great.
I'd planned to travel around south east asia before we met. It was really exciting but as a sufferer of panic attacks, I had my reservations. Next thing he said he would join me while i'm away. I was thrilled. I felt safe around him, plus he is a paramedic which helps when at times i think i'm dying/suffocating.
He has always been sweet, attentive, fun, outgoing....loved spoiling me.
I arrived in SE Asia two weeks before him. The day I arrived, I discovered 1800 had been taken from my account. Three installments of 600. The banks response is that the card used was in fact my second one (which i'd lost) and the pin was being used so in fact it had to be someone i know.
He drove to my parents house to chat to them about it. He also went to the police station, arguing on my behalf as i was away. I was up in a heap in Bangkok with no money. It was hell.
He arrived over and we were getting on great til i got a facebook message from a mate of his saying that he owes him money and has been avoiding his calls/emails. My bf denied this profusely. I later discovered that he went into my FB account and blocked this guy from contacting me again. Eventually he admitted that he owed the guy 50 euro but was embarrassed admitting it to me coz he wanted me to think he had plenty of money.
Yesterday I learned that he had been using my credit card for cash advances which we were abroad together. When I said it to him, he denied it at first. Then he admitted it. At Amsterdam airport (our stopover) we went to a shop, I'd given him a serious earful prior to this telling him he was after robbing me etc. When I turned around in the shop he was gone....literally gone. He never got the flight home from there with me. I was in a complete state of panic getting on the flight. I was terrified that he'd kill himself or that I would stop breathing etc. I started hyperventilating.
WHen I arrived at the airport, my mom, sis and cousin met me. I just bawled. 28 yrs old and howling crying in public. I heard nothing from him and was worried.
I mailed him this morning, he responded to tell me that he is ok. That he'd refund my money.
Here is the anxiety bit though, I'm scared. I'm totally scared. What is worse is that I want comfort- his comfort. I want to be curled up in his arms with him minding me the way he does......but he robbed me, he lies to me, he has hurt me.
Why do I feel like this? it is pathetic....I'm afraid, I'm afraid of being alone....feel sad. I've nothing to look forward to. I dread being alone at night. I just want company. Being alone scares me.....im with my parents now but feel scared. I just want to feel safe.....
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#1

Postby alexia » Thu May 03, 2012 10:19 pm

Pick yourself up and dust yourself off girl you've been scammed and the only thing worse than that would be to let him back into your life knowing what you know about him he's a low life creep. Now is the time to work on yourself, if your coming across to needy in a relationship you'll scare off all the good ones and be left with the ones that will take advantage of you. Get yourself out as much as possible take up new interests, get together with friends and just have a really good time, the right guy will turn up.
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#2

Postby kaka » Fri May 04, 2012 2:12 am

what a prick that guy is. Never go near him again.
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#3

Postby tokeless » Fri May 04, 2012 8:33 am

Hi there...

I'm slightly confused.#

"I'd planned to travel around south east asia before we met".... I assume alone?

I'm afraid, I'm afraid of being alone....feel sad. I've nothing to look forward to. I dread being alone at night. I just want company. Being alone scares me.....im with my parents now but feel scared. I just want to feel safe.....

Did you have these feeling before travelling half way round the world alone? You spent 2 weeks alone in Asia before he arrived.... Maybe it's the effect of being scammed??
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#4

Postby pussywillow » Fri May 04, 2012 9:29 am

thanks for your responses.

eh just to clarify. my cousin and friend were with me for the first fortnight. i'd planned to travel up to a mate in cambodia then so i'd never have been on my own.

he has been on the phone to me since. he is on his way back to ireland now. i feel so let down and stupid,,,,,yet i want him to mind me.
i know that is wrong. i'm just so scared and lonely. i feel weak and vulnerable- so much so that i went into my parents bed this morning for comfort.

I spoke on the phone to his mom last nite
He told me how he spent time working with the red cross in kosovo- he made it up
he told me she had cancer- he made it up
he told me she was a nurse- he made it up
he must be very unwell. she then started talking about praying for him with some guy in england over the phone. he needs a doctor...not some guy in england with visions. I want him to be ok. I know that im terrified right now, but that my family will support me- what about him?

Will I be ok? I'm so scared (crying now)
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#5

Postby jbSEO9 » Fri May 04, 2012 9:35 am

*Hug* for you!

Yeah I agree with the others, you can do much better than this moron.

While it's not nice thinking you are alone, you are not. You have family and friends there always for you. It is just a state of mind you are feeling and that state of mind does not reflect the reality of the situation.
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#6

Postby pussywillow » Fri May 04, 2012 9:58 am

what if i never meet someone and am alone forever.
its my worst nightmare.
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#7

Postby jsbabybear » Fri May 04, 2012 9:26 pm

pussywillow wrote:what if i never meet someone and am alone forever.
its my worst nightmare.


Pussy willow, you have had a terrible, terrible shock and you are still suffering so cut yourself some slack. I had a horrible experience 4 years ago with a guy from a dating site, good looking, funny, good job, similar age to me....he came to visit me and we had a great time although at one stage he got quite huffy over something small. I let it go and soon everything was great again. I went to visit him in Scotland the weekend after and from the evening of the first day I wasn't comfortable and we weren't getting on. On our last day he was texting a lot and we went out that night and had what I thought was a good time. That night we had sex and I said something stupid afterwards and he basically lost it, shouting and screaming and being very abusive. I was terrified and basically kept quiet hoping he wouldn't hurt me. I left the next day to stay in a hotel and was so so shaken up. By the following Friday my fears of being alone kicked in and I started to blame myself for the situation and I contacted him :( he then sent this string of abusive texts including telling me that he had been texting another girl when I was there to arrange a date and said I was a bunny boiler and a psycho. I literally wanted to crawl into bed and not get up again and I felt like that for about 2 weeks. I couldn't believe that had happened to me and felt like I couldn't trust anyone.
While this is not the same as your situation, this guy had serious anger problems-which I found out afterwards from his friend-and I felt so stupid and humiliated and used and your guy had serious problems. I am an honest and straightforward person I think and I simply don't expect other people to be like this. Sounds like you are the same!, don't lose sight of the fact that this is a good way to be.
I am sorry you have gone through this,mwhat a terrible experience, but give yourself time to get over it. I don't think for one minute you will be on your own! Xxx
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#8

Postby Davekyn » Tue May 08, 2012 9:25 pm

Sounds like risky business, this online dating, but then again, I guess the whole process is these days. I would not know as I have been with my wife for over 20 years now. We're not all monsters and I'd say you have a lot of courage and compassion that many guys would find appealing. Your still young! If only I had a penny for every year I thought I was too old for this or that ... Just work on what you need to within yourself and the more accepting you become, the quicker you can start living instead of worrying. Not an easy task, but the more you try fixing things in your own life, the more you will naturally attract those that care for themselves likewise.
You defiantly deserve better and have much to offer. I think it will be a lucky guy who locks wings with you. *Chin Up* :wink:
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#9

Postby kaka » Tue May 08, 2012 11:01 pm

pussywillow wrote:what if i never meet someone and am alone forever.
its my worst nightmare.


Population of USA is currently.
313,508,385

I think you could be built like a brick wall. Hairy like a monkey and you would still get someone.
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#10

Postby chris30uk » Wed May 09, 2012 9:01 am

Hello,

having read your story i know what its like to give your all to someone and have it thrown back in your face, im 30 and a couple of years ago i moved to london from newcastle for a gf, i gave up my job, my friend and family and moved to be with her, it was a whirlwind romance, engaged after 3 months, living together after 5, it was great, then she cheated on me 3 times, on holiday with her dad ( i didnt go) she slept with a turkish waiter twice and another english bloke. it broke my heart, and 6 months on I still feel upset sometimes and keep asking myself why, but you know what it does get better :) there is someone out there who deserves all you have and all you are.
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