attachment, emotional eating

Postby arc250 » Tue Feb 26, 2013 2:16 pm

im so selfish and greedy. I know i need to eat but i don't need to sit
there obsessing over it. Everytime I take food thats not mine or I didn't
earn with my money, it destroys my outlook and my independent spirit.

I don't know how to end this cycle of greed and attachment.
Its so difficult and annoying to constantly worry about things like this.
I eat my parents food then I feel like hell.
Its not worth it. and what more is im strong and healthy enough
to go hungry for a bit. I hate how I live right now. Im destroying the
very essence of my happiness and nature when I take their food
but i cant stop even though it hurts. I constantly try to remind myself
of the consequences but its never enough to stop my dumb donkey from
making some toast or something.
Im not living. Thats what it comes down to. I might as well be in a shelter
because life is only what you make it.. not what someone else makes for you,
or else, well your just a female dog.
Im too greedy to just give away my possessions and live in a shelter,
and Im too.. vain? to pull back when it comes to impulsive desires
like eating some oatmeal in the morning because i "need the energy"
no i f"ing dont. Thats the addict talking.. for me
its gone from drugs to health and emotional attachment.. and if you ask me
emotional attachment and health can be obsessions that prevent you from living
the life your capable of, and can be equally destructive as drugs.

I dont know what to do.. I cant seem to refrain from greed and impulsiveness.
its the only thing preventing me from happiness.
im so pissed.
its why i failed trying to be independent, now im back in this vicious cycle
with my parents and food, and its really really ugly.
i know its as simple as JUST DONT EAT DAM IT!!! but i know theres alot
more to it than just that. Its the whole lonely ness factor and I need to
heal myself, and not rely on a partner or bf. Nobody likes my energy right now
because its toxic just like me, and im afraid to go back to my job
because i just keep getting worse and i fear ill end up in a mental institution pretty soon.. I know your thinking well, its just food.. but no its more than that.
its why im writing all this now instead of being relaxed and happy about nothing
like i normally am.

its like im asking the things I already know over and over again, yet i cant stop beating this dead horse.
i think thats the nature and the devil of addiction.
you KNOW the answer, yet you just cant seem to stop
and its turning into insanity and im really sick, and scared
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Postby jurplesman » Thu Feb 28, 2013 2:29 am

Hi ARC250,

THis seems to be a case of ruminating without any purpose. Read:

Anxiety and the Autonomic Nervous System
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