After 20+ years the time has come, here I go

Postby itsanewdaywohoo » Tue Oct 22, 2013 2:41 am

Dear all,

I've been lurking around this forum for a few weeks now, reading and learning from everyone's experiences and wisdoms, and been thinking about stopping the pot for a year or more, on Sunday I took the plunge.

Today is day three clean....

My story starts as many do, peer pressure, cool, different, escaping, rebellious, etc etc, wanting to play with my consciousness and perception, lulling through the days, and I've have been a daily stoner for over 20 years, 22 to be precise, I can count the days I have been without pot on two hands and I don't need any hands to count the days I was voluntarily without :D

The last few days are the first days I have voluntarily been without weed since the early '90's !!

As a functioning pothead in a professional role I knew it was hurting me in the long run, the lack of clarity, the fogginess, the slow thoughts, not to mention the legal risks, if I got snapped I would likely lose my job and career. I thought I had always managed it pretty well, I made rules for myself to lessen the impact, no smoking before work ever, no smoking in public, no smoking after 9:30 pm on worknights, and yet wake and bake on every weekend and holiday. But the long term impacts were there (are here) and I pretended not to notice, but I did notice and it added up to this, to being here and writing this now.

I aim, like many on here, to keep somewhat of a journal here to help me cope with the sh1tty times, to hopefully get the odd encouragement and to share my journey with anyone who is interested, to maybe help the greater good in some way, or at least one or two people who may get some help from what I write, as I have gotten help already from reading this forum. A huge thanks to 2 old 2 b buzzed for putting the "best of quitters" together - priceless info right there.

So it's a new day, it's a new life, it's a new me (yes corny I know) , and just hoping I can stick it out, these first few days have been hard. Harder than I expected. I started cutting down about 2 weeks ago, from 2-3 fattys a night to one cone, maybe two, and with that already the dreaming started, oh damn, the dreaming and the odd nightmare, perhaps straight people dream like this all the time and I just never appreciated what I had been without, but boy they are here now......dang! :shock:

Then my last cone was on Saturday night at 8pm. I am proud of myself for having a go, I generally achieve whatever I set my mind to in life and I have set my mind on this, this thought gives me strength and I repeat it to myself and it helps, I can do anything I want and I want to be clean, so I will be clean. So far so good.

I've never been a good sleeper and this has been the worst side effect for me, hard to get to sleep, woken by vivid dreams and not able to get back to sleep. The other thing has been anger, like I have never felt before, for no reason whatsoever, just angry, and strangely enough is seems to come at roughly the same time every day between 11am and about 2pm, no rhyme or reason, just an up-welling of anger, not sad, not depressed, not anything, just anger, crazy. For the first time in my life I felt like I was not in control of my emotions and I didn't like it. Today has been a tiny bit better.

I am still in the process of getting rid of all my paraphernalia but its 90% gone, even though there is weed in the house I am not inclined to smoke it, not sure why, just not, happy about that but also aware that its probably just part of the initial momentum, so definitely getting rid of everything in the next few days, and I mean everything, its amazing how much of that stuff you collect over the years.

I haven't felt any benefits yet, only detriments but that is OK, after 20+years of brain abuse, I can't expect to walk away healed in a few days, I am looking forward to the benefits, when I read the benefits people report here I can understand them and I want them and that also helps to keep me going. Something to look forward to - a reward, funnily enough - that is how I used pot as well, as a reward for myself, initially when I did a job I didn't particularly want to do, celebrate with a J, but it soon becomes an excuse for any job done, then for any job starting, then just cause I am awake and why not get blasted. I am sure many of you can relate to that one :D

Enough rambling for one day, thanks for reading and good luck and strength to all of you who are on this journey with me.

Hopefully you will hear from me again ....
itsanewdaywohoo
Full Member
 
Posts: 224
Joined: Mon Oct 21, 2013 11:48 pm
Likes Received: 28


#1

Postby Patience22 » Tue Oct 22, 2013 12:17 pm

congratulations on day 3!!!! I am on day 3 also and also a 20 yr+ al day every day smoker so we are in the same boat! I am so looking forward to a new experience of sobriety and better energy and better health and not being a slave to weed. good luck! the beginning is really hard, isn't it? but I think once we get past it, it will still be work but it will be worth it with many rewards!
Patience22
Full Member
 
Posts: 109
Joined: Sun Oct 20, 2013 4:17 am
Likes Received: 1

#2

Postby itsanewdaywohoo » Tue Oct 22, 2013 6:43 pm

Hi Patience22, thanks for your message and all strength to you too!

Its nice to be sharing this experience with others and also nice to be able to talk about these things anonymously. Given the nature of our habit (or ex-habit) I can't really share my ups and downs with many people or ask for advice and support, because many people don't know and I don't want them to know.

Nice to be on here and mind-dump without being judged, aside from the specific advice on here, that alone is a real help.

Day 4 today and all is good, slept a little better last night although I am taking some sleeping pills to get me through these first few weeks. I am feeling a bit strange also, kinda half-stoned, but from what I read that is pretty common in the first week or two. Still looking forward to the benefits.

One nice thing is that my smoker mates have been really supportive so far and are even considering cutting down or stopping themselves, I guess we are all around the same age and similar stage in life and having similar thoughts ( time to grow up) :D

I am not really having any cravings to smoke which is interesting, still the biggest issue for me is the sleep. Second would be boredom - what the heck do straight people do in the evening?

How are you finding things Patience22?
itsanewdaywohoo
Full Member
 
Posts: 224
Joined: Mon Oct 21, 2013 11:48 pm
Likes Received: 28

#3

Postby Wave » Tue Oct 22, 2013 7:04 pm

Congrates on the progress. I know what you mean about not being able to offload to anyone local, apart from my wife no one around where I live knows (except one or two) as moved away from where I did most my smoking 2 years ago.

Im a little further along (15 days) but like you its the sleep thats really getting to me. Got some strong sleeping tablets but feel I am not dealing with stress as well as I usually do, but dont want to go back to smoking. So neither here nor there which is not great.

Went for a run earlier and this helped, THC is stored in fat so exercise is key (not that ive done much!).

Hope you stick in there and keep posting!
Wave
Preferred Member
 
Posts: 763
Joined: Sun Nov 18, 2012 9:47 am
Likes Received: 211

#4

Postby john_navajas » Tue Oct 22, 2013 7:08 pm

Interesting to read your story. I too have been smoking everyday for the last 15+ years and have finally decided to quit. I'm on day 22 and have begun to feel better, but I'm not so naive to think the battle is won. Why? Because I have been here before on several occasions and have ALWAYS relapsed. I am determined not to smoke again this time. I too felt that anger that you felt in your first days. But then again, thinking back, I was always angry when I smoked. I might seem mellow to others, but inside me I was angry at everything and everyone, and especially myself. You smoke to relax, but it only leaves your more stressed. You smoke to laugh, but really it only gets me depressed. You smoke to take the edge off, but then even the smalled problems drive me crazy, like I can't cope with them. This is the stuff we have to remember when our mind tries to trick us into smoking again. There is nothing fun about being high, not anymore. I have smoked weed and been high for so many years, that right now, honestly, being sober feels like the high, because i totally forgot what it was like.
john_navajas
Full Member
 
Posts: 149
Joined: Tue Oct 15, 2013 12:39 pm
Likes Received: 4

#5

Postby itsanewdaywohoo » Wed Oct 23, 2013 8:22 pm

thanks for the comments guys, really nice still to not be doing this alone and I really appreciate the support and advice.

Day 5 today and doing OK, slept OK but the odd strange dream, have to wonder how my brain comes up with this stuff :)

Finding that the pattern of behaviour is stronger than any craving to smoke, situations where I would have lit up, I feel like I should be but then remember that I quit and the feeling passes pretty quick. Have a whiteboard in the kitchen and at around 8pm every night I put another stripe on it to keep count of the days. Seems silly but putting that stripe on the board is my reward for making it through another day, I look forward to doing that small act and get a real sense of satisfaction and pride that I have made another day, sounds a little pathetic now that I write it down but to hell with that, it helps me !


Am feeling more emotional than usual, a bit teary, but no more anger which is nice, much rather teary than angry, much less risk of losing it at some innocent person who happens to cross my path at the wrong time.

Not eating much and little appetite but am not too worried about that, I could drop a few kilos anyways. Onwards and upwards, am thinking about rewards for myself for making goals like 1 week or one month, buying something I want rather than need or doing something new and fun, think that will help also with the continued motivation.
itsanewdaywohoo
Full Member
 
Posts: 224
Joined: Mon Oct 21, 2013 11:48 pm
Likes Received: 28

#6

Postby itsanewdaywohoo » Thu Oct 24, 2013 8:00 am

OK, so day 5 sucked big time, I feel emotionally unstable, seesawing between anger/rage and teary self pity, the day started out OK but had a few stressful meetings at work and almost lost it at someone who didn't really deserve it ( I literally had to walk out of a meeting to prevent myself blowing up at someone).

I've been sleeping OK with the help of some strong (but non addictive) sleeping pills but my mind is not my own today, I feel flaky and strange and that is just not me, normally completely in control of myself and my surroundings, not today baby, dang, but i stayed clean and although I am tempted, I know I will not got there, have done 5 days and not planning to do those over, things have gotta improve soon. Also tired without feeling sleepy, exhausted, and the day started so well...... here's hoping tomorrow is better. Put another stripe on the white board - good on me !
itsanewdaywohoo
Full Member
 
Posts: 224
Joined: Mon Oct 21, 2013 11:48 pm
Likes Received: 28

#7

Postby Wave » Thu Oct 24, 2013 4:51 pm

Well done mate. If you take a look at my journal you can read the progress I have made. I was throwing up in the morning in the first week and the only thing getting me to sleep was zoplicone sleeping tablets (on prescription). Im still taking them in week nights but not at weekend and going to work on reducing that as sleep becomes easier.

The last 2-3 days I have finally felt normal and got my motivation back. I am sure I will go through more rough patches but such a relief to be in a good mood and not even hit 3 weeks yet. I felt extremely depressed the first 7-10 days.

Hope you stick at it as it is getting easier for me know, just need to make it permanent!
Wave
Preferred Member
 
Posts: 763
Joined: Sun Nov 18, 2012 9:47 am
Likes Received: 211

#8

Postby itsanewdaywohoo » Thu Oct 24, 2013 6:57 pm

Thanks wave, I did read your blog and it fair worried me, sounded rather extreme, morning of day 6 today and I have good news. Be careful with zopiclone, it IS habit forming, try keep the dose down and skipping days is a good idea (I work in this area).

THE FIRST BENEFIT HAS ARRIVED woop woop , after a rubbish (but clean) day 5 I have just woken in the best mood I can remember in years, I had a minor nightmare around 3am and kinda half woke, reminded myself it was just the weed purging out of my brain and went straight back to sleep, then had two of the most amazing dreams I can remember since I was a teenager (am a 40+ year old male now). One minute I am messing around and shagging the most delicious babe my mind can conjure (pretty damned delicious, full points to my brain there) and next I am scuba diving in the tropics with my mates and have a great beach party, laughing and joking, I literally woke up laughing and in an awesome mood - still feeling buzzed , so cool. I have not dreamt like that in 22 years, no kidding.

I feel transformed and sooooo happy to be sharing my first bit of good news,
to all those struggling - keep it up, it does get better, the light at the end of the tunnel is till on !! Now need to improve the waking hours too :) hopefully today is a better day.
itsanewdaywohoo
Full Member
 
Posts: 224
Joined: Mon Oct 21, 2013 11:48 pm
Likes Received: 28

#9

Postby Patience22 » Thu Oct 24, 2013 7:10 pm

great to hear! I hear this kind of thing ALL the time- when people first quit weed we get bored and dull and sluggish- and then all of a sudden it lifts and people are like- wow, this is so much better than being stoned all the time!!!! I want to start again and do that too. wow. I am also 40 years old, like you!
If you read my post you will see I went 4 days and smoked today day five and plan to start day 1 again tomorrow.
sigh, This is a typical pattern for me. But I have to keep trying, right? I do.
I will keep trying! I want to feel the benefits. I had a dream last night too- it was disturbing but it felt SO good to be in dream realms again.
Keep it up. I will start again too, for myself to feel better.
Patience22
Full Member
 
Posts: 109
Joined: Sun Oct 20, 2013 4:17 am
Likes Received: 1

#10

Postby Wave » Thu Oct 24, 2013 7:14 pm

One thing I that learnt to do this time that I couldn't last time was to enjoy the highs and get through the lows. Yea the start of my quit has been pretty tough but feel like compared to that, now it a whole different ball game (in a good way :D)

My advice is take up a new hobby and start counting the money you have saved!
Wave
Preferred Member
 
Posts: 763
Joined: Sun Nov 18, 2012 9:47 am
Likes Received: 211

#11

Postby itsanewdaywohoo » Thu Oct 24, 2013 7:33 pm

Hi Patience, that sucks, my advice for what its worth it that you have to stop "trying" and just do it, make the decision once and stick with it.

Instead of thinking every time it gets tough, shall I spliff up, or not, make the decision to quit once, then you don't have to make that decision over and over. When it gets tough and you think about the weed, remind yourself that the decision has been made, weed is no longer an option to help you get through the tough times, you need alternatives. That helped me at least.

And I, like many addicts, am reward oriented, that is how I used drugs and still how I use ciggies (they are next on the hit list) , so decide on some milestones and some fun rewards for yourself and carry them through. I am buying myself some cool extra's for my motorbike on day 7, don't need them but want them ,extras for myself and a wee pat on my own back. I find striping out the days on my whiteboard rewarding, - buy a calendar and cross of the clean days, this helped me also.

Good luck patience, will be watching out for your new quitting blog!
itsanewdaywohoo
Full Member
 
Posts: 224
Joined: Mon Oct 21, 2013 11:48 pm
Likes Received: 28

#12

Postby itsanewdaywohoo » Sat Oct 26, 2013 5:38 am

Day 7 - one week clean !

Day 7 was a great day although the night of day 6 was a bit rough, friday night is usually smoke till you drop night, so was a very sober affair, somewhat tempting.... the fact that I was tempted spurred me to get rid of the last of the paraphernalia, all packed and ready to go to a friend who I know will enjoy them, dropping them off tomorrow and the house will then be 100% weed free. Turns out I had way more than I thought, lots of little hidden stash spots all over the place.

Had a great day today, went spearfishing and shot a couple of 30lb + fish, driving home in the car and someone asked the time - it was exactly 4:20 :) so my mates all looked at me and we laughed, good to be clean and great to have the support of my friends.

Certainly been a rollercoaster of a week, looking forward to next week and staying clean, I think I'll be OK.

Cheers everyone.
itsanewdaywohoo
Full Member
 
Posts: 224
Joined: Mon Oct 21, 2013 11:48 pm
Likes Received: 28

#13

Postby Wave » Sat Oct 26, 2013 8:37 am

Sounds plan keeping busy. I really really hated the first weekend but the last and this one (so far) have been much better.

Getting out and not hanging around the house was key for me.
Wave
Preferred Member
 
Posts: 763
Joined: Sun Nov 18, 2012 9:47 am
Likes Received: 211

#14

Postby Wave » Sun Oct 27, 2013 4:22 pm

How did last night go? Hope you managed to stick with the quit.
Wave
Preferred Member
 
Posts: 763
Joined: Sun Nov 18, 2012 9:47 am
Likes Received: 211


Next

  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to Addictions