hurt?

Postby WonderGurl » Fri Mar 21, 2014 6:41 pm

I don't remember much physical pain, just a lot of discomfort. But then, emotionally and even mentally he caused me damage. He was my partner when he raped me and it happened a few years ago. I've never been very good at it to begin with, but why is it so hard to acknowledge the pain? I'm numb about the whole thing most of the time, expect for terror when flashbacks hit me.
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#1

Postby Herbie306 » Fri Mar 21, 2014 7:42 pm

WonderGurl wrote:why is it so hard to acknowledge the pain? I'm numb about the whole thing most of the time, expect for terror when flashbacks hit me.

I think some of us tend to 'wall' the pain off until we feel safe enough to feel it. I've recently begun having occasional flashbacks again and, although they can be so horrible and debilitating, I believe that it is our body/mind telling us that there is something else we need to work through.
Try to look after yourself as much as you can.
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#2

Postby WonderGurl » Sat Mar 22, 2014 10:06 am

I just want to get over it already. I barely crosses my mind most of the time. It's when the flashbacks come back..it's like it's happening all over again. Sick of it.
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#3

Postby Herbie306 » Sat Mar 22, 2014 11:29 am

I know :(. Flashbacks are yucky and, as you say, can just turn up in an instant - they can truly take the wind out of your sails :(

I used to beat myself up a lot over it - chastising myself for not being over it and cursing others for not waving a magic wand to get be through it.

You were hurt, and that takes time to heal. If it is possible to ground yourself when or after you're having a flashback then I advise you do - continually remind yourself that you are safe now - that it is NOT happening now, that it is in the past and you can work through this. When you are able, making a couple of notes about what brought it on and how it felt might help - you can then either take it to your therapist or process it when you feel a bit more stable.

You may like to have a read of this:
http://kalimunro.com/wp/articles-info/t ... any-better

I know it's tough - it's annoying, upsetting and downright frustrating - but keep working through each bit and you'll get there ;). You've come this far and I reckon you deserve a good-old pat on the back for getting to where you are now.

Be gentle with yourself.
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#4

Postby WonderGurl » Sat Mar 22, 2014 11:56 am

Thanks for sharing the link and for support.
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#5

Postby Herbie306 » Sun Mar 23, 2014 5:25 pm

You are welcome. I used to view healing as something that was either all or nothing, though since I've started seeing it as a journey, it has taken the pressure off a bit. I hope this makes sense and helps you. Take care.
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#6

Postby TheCarpenter » Thu Aug 07, 2014 2:32 am

hey there, thank you for the link you provided :)
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#7

Postby lostwoman » Fri Aug 28, 2015 11:05 am

its gonna take time dear...
rape isn't something a girl can handle overnight...
share your pain with others...talk about it...it will heal with time hopefully...
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#8

Postby bert_ernie » Thu Oct 15, 2015 1:39 pm

i think it works like this:

when someone takes advantage of you. when someone forces you to do something against your will. or forces themselves on you against your will. then you end up feeling small & weak. like a feeling of submission or slavery.

in this moment when you feel all these things, you see an image of yourself or like an evaluation of yourself. and all the painful feeling are attached to this image. usually most people have some image of themselves. which is more of a stronger version of themselves. coming face to face with this weaker image of themselves, brings some doubt that the other image is the correct one. (they are both just images - neither is correct. or like things are more complicated then that i guess)

so then the avoiding the pain & avoiding thinking about it is away to avoid associating with that image of yourself where you felt weak & ashamed. it's a little bit avoiding the fact that the image you have of yourself most of the time may not be entirely accurate.
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