I've done awful things, I can't live with myself anymore

#15

Postby AlexPlatt » Mon Jul 10, 2017 8:20 pm

Hey dude, trust me, i've been there. I was addicted to porn at 11 years old and I've done so many things that I regret. I wish desperately that I can take back all those years of my life that were lost, but I can't. If you want help, here's what I've learned. The most important things in recovery, is to 1) stop shaming yourself and 2) stop focusing solely on not relapsing.

#2 seems to be pretty counterintuitive, but hear me out. When I was recovering, I listened to a podcast called Porn Afflictions and Sex Addiction by this guy named Craig Perra and I actually ended up buying his program, which is honestly the only reason why I'm here talking to you today. Anyways, I learned from him that to break a habit you have to make a habit. To stop an addiction, you have to counter that with pursuing to have as great a life as you possibly can and to become as best of a person as you can. If your only focus is to not use porn, then you're setting yourself up for failure. According to Craig, it is impossible to successfully recover from an addiction and still have a shitty life. If the only thing in your life that's changed is that you're not doing the "thing" (porn), then its only a matter of time until you fall back into the habit. Willpower will only get you so far.

What I'm trying to say is this: there's still hope dude. No matter how much your brain tries to convince you that youre worthless and that you're too far gone, don't listen to it. It's bs. Craig Perra, the man I was talking about earlier, was sexually abused in his childhood and he grew up to become adddicted to very graphic porn and started using prostitutes and regularly cheating on his wife and eventually lost everything he had. His job, his family, he lost everything. But he came back. Now he's teaching thousands of people how to get out of addiction! Isn't that amazing? There's no one that's too far gone to come back, I promise you. So I urge you to stop feeling pity for yourself and do something that you've been putting off for forever. Whether it be pursuing that promotion you've wanted for a while, exercising, reconciling with a friend you've lost touch with, or picking up that instrument that you've wanted to learn how to play. Just do something to better your life! Don't give up brother.
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#16

Postby Grey_Vegan » Thu Jul 13, 2017 11:23 pm

Whatever you did, its probbably something i cannot imagine feeling guilty for. You really need to realize what a sick society we live in kid, nothing you do to an individual could ever top whats been going on in human culture for decades. Plowing over, burning diamonds, designed obselecance, ect.

Did you feel guilty before or during the act?
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#17

Postby kirekire151 » Sun Jul 23, 2017 12:57 am

God does terrble things all the time like killing, are we not created in his image?

You have an addiction to pornography i assume you know about NoFap as well then, if you dont look into it especially on Reddit.

I think this is all because of pornography you are 15 and started at 9 it has shaped the way you think and the way you think the world is, no matter what horrible things you do you can recover, the worst part of an addiction is that when you feed on it, it feeds on you, when you beat this addiction youl look back and laugh, but pornography has ruined peoples lives and even made them serial killers (hope this isnt your case) i would try and quit it and look for support, because while you might think handling things on your own makes you stronger and you think no one can understand you, you are wrong never forget your friends and burden yourself, this is the most important part of your life you either win here now and become sucesful or like an addict watch as for years it ruins you.
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#18

Postby Frozendummy » Tue Jul 25, 2017 10:01 pm

There is nothing wrong with what you have done. Your forgiven. You are just growing and curious. The negative emotions let them go. Everyone watches porn it's whether you do stuff in love or none that counts the most.
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#19

Postby Sunny80s » Mon Apr 16, 2018 3:08 pm

Hello, nice to be part of this particular chat, I’ve been struggling with my life for many years now, I’m in my thirties, I can relate to all of the other issues ppl are going through, I too was addicted to porn at a very young age which affected me very very badly, I’d say it caused a lot of confusion, disbelief, I feel I don’t live a full or happy life because of these issues from when I was a young teenager, I feel like I’ve hidden myself away for a very long time, over the years I’ve moved around a lot, but these issues keep catching up with me, I feel that everyone around me knows what happened, I feel like I’m judged on my mistakes as a child, I really need to talk to someone who can understand me, to be honest I feel like it’s killing me slowly and I will lose everything if I don’t get over and sort these problems out, but I don’t know what to do, the worry and concern of everyone having suspicion and talking about me behind my back is soul destroying. Thanks for listening
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#20

Postby anonymous_07632 » Sat Aug 10, 2019 8:30 am

I did what you did. I know what you did because you're speaking what I'm thinking.

I am 15 too,
I am in the same boat as you.
I feel like I'm going to puke and I really can't live with myself.
I can't wake up and know what I've done.

I will see you soon. Away from this world..
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#21

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat Aug 10, 2019 3:33 pm

anonymous_07632 wrote: I know what you did because you're speaking what I'm thinking.


No you don’t. And that you think you know is relevant as It shows you currently lack life skills. You have not yet developed critical thinking skills or the skill to manage regret.

Anyway, whatever you did that you incorrectly believe is so unforgivable, you also incorrectly believe that moving away from this world is a solution.

Preteens accept authority. All knowledge, all truth, comes from parents for preteens and is generally accepted blindly. Moving into the early teens, authority is questioned and soon a young teen takes stances against knowledge previously delivered by authority. It is normal to form beliefs that are counter to what their parents or society believes. It is normal to form strong beliefs that the universe must work a certain way.

At 15, you sound like you KNOW, as in you have no doubt. You are so certain of your beliefs, of how the universe works, of what is certain truth. This is a rather normal phase of cognitive development.

But, while a normal process of development, you are wrong. You do not know. You have no clue how the universe works anymore than I do or any other adult. The difference, is adults eventually learn and accept that their beliefs are flawed.

Your belief that you can escape what you believe is unforgivable by running from this world is a naive belief. I recommend you spend some time reflecting on what you think you know.
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#22

Postby guiltyloops » Thu Aug 15, 2019 10:12 pm

Hi anonymous_07632,

I think I know what you and OP are talking about.

Please don't make any rushed decision. I know how hard it is to live with a terrible weigh on your shoulders. I know how it feels to believe you no longer deserve happiness, and I want you to know that if you feel like chatting, I am here to help.

Please don't hesitate to reach out to me, or, even better, a good therapist that you can trust.
The guilt and shame you are feeling now is proof that you know right from wrong and that you are not as bad as you think.

Take care my friend, I hope you see this...
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#23

Postby Icanbeatthis » Sun Nov 10, 2019 10:09 pm

Making mistakes in life is unavoidable. Having a sex drive is unavoidable.
Doing wrong and knowing it is 1000× better than doing wrong and not caring.
Knowing you will never do whatever u did again is fantastic.
Making mistakes is how you learn and grow as a person.
The past connot be changed but the great news is that the past only exists in your mind. Focus on the future and what a great person that you can become. I hope that helps
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