The day only starts with the first hit!!

#375

Postby bh1984 » Thu Jun 23, 2016 8:07 pm

I don't want to be premature (never good) but mate I just know it. I'm going down to see my bosses castle in wales next weekend. Could come down after next Saturday, if suits. Il msg you my mob bro... Be f***ing weird to put a face to the name after so long, I already consider you a pal, be emotional.
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#376

Postby bh1984 » Thu Jun 23, 2016 8:17 pm

Doesn't seem to want to let me send my mob, just drop me yours to Bevanhughes1984@gmail.com. No I'm not really welsh!!
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#377

Postby bh1984 » Fri Jun 24, 2016 8:05 pm

Rough day, know if my mindset was different I would of said I was suicidal, blah,blah... But ended it meeting two old friends after a long difficult day at work and laughing the evening away in a beer garden.

Ade, mate ... I feel like the unwanted bird on a blind date who offers to put out, and then feels the draft from the open window in the men's toilet... Don't leave me hanging bro
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#378

Postby bh1984 » Sun Jun 26, 2016 8:44 am

Day 24 and feel good, anxiety is now so minimal its irrelevant, but I do feel a little flat at times. The vivid dreams are incredible and makes me feel I have got 25% of my life back. I've had little night sweats after the first week, and now woke this morning feeling fresh, for the first time instantly. I just feel lighter in general, I really didn't realise how much time I spent with my intrusive paranoid thoughts, they are now gone and even though similar doubts rise. They just haven't got the same hold on me....
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#379

Postby Ade,wales » Sun Jun 26, 2016 5:26 pm

Sorry mate , been away for weekend. Will email you now.
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#380

Postby bh1984 » Mon Jun 27, 2016 10:56 pm

The death of a dear friend has hit me hard today, the cravings have been hard, think it's just for an escape from the pain... This has hit my partner hard as well, so hard to see her in bits and my son doesn't understand the upset. Life is tough at times, but this just reminds me why you need clarity and focus more. Sad day
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#381

Postby bh1984 » Tue Jun 28, 2016 6:04 pm

In my eyes to beat this after decades of abuse, you have to want a serious change and have a real need to leave the comfort of stonedville... Only bother If you're going to put 100% in, if not its just not worth the grief, embrace life or stay in your bubble, it really is your choice.
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#382

Postby bh1984 » Wed Jun 29, 2016 6:48 pm

Total turn around today, couldn't sleep last night and when i did still intense nightmares. Felt like I had a bug today dodgy stomach, light headed, headache that painkillers couldn't touch and tired, whilst having a really busy day and many appointments. Had to stop at three and cancel the last, then driving home in the rain my eyes were twitchy as ****.

Feel a bit better this evening, and going to make sure I get to bed early... Foolish to think the battle was won, but makes my resolve stronger.
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#383

Postby bh1984 » Thu Jun 30, 2016 11:15 am

Feel a lot better today, sharp and full of energy... Shows it comes and goes maybe it was more of an illness or linked with the grief, stick with it through the bad times guys!!!!
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