stuck since first grade

Postby TheLogan » Tue Jul 08, 2014 2:40 am

Hi, I'm a 27 year old guy.
Back when I first started school I was bullied because I wanted to be friends with the girls in my class. (I've been told that I was always better friends with the girls at my kindergarden than the boys). I was bullied for over a year until my parents finally noticed how much my personality had changed, from outgoing and lively to quiet and shy. (I remember begging them to let me change schools on numerous occasions, and asking them to let me stay home because of tummy pains, but at some point I just gave up).

Now 20 ish years later, I have low self esteem, it took me forever just to get through my fear of being seen talking with women and I still to some extent feel like I could/would be punished for talking with women, like I'm not allowed to..

I have periods of what I suspect is depression. I'm not usually prone to crying, but it does happen.

I have trouble sleeping because I keep lying awake just contemplating my life. I feel so lost, and don't know where I can go from here. But worst of all is the fact that if I don't break out of this, I fear I might be lonely for the rest of my life. What can I do?

I fear for my career too though, I'm currently in school, and I'm finding it harder and harder to concentrate, it's as though if I'm not distracted enough (usually through computergames), depression creeps up on me.. I know this is not at all healthy ...
Thanks,
-Logan
TheLogan
New Member
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Jul 08, 2014 2:32 am
Likes Received: 0


#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Jul 08, 2014 2:54 am

Your post comes across as a person living in the past and the future, not the present. You fear the future, you spend too much time thinking about the past and you are distracting yourself to avoid thinking about past/future. When are you focused on the now? When do you have time to focus on enjoying today?
User avatar
Richard@DecisionSkills
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 10779
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:25 am
Likes Received: 1103

#2

Postby Alexander Ang » Tue Jul 08, 2014 6:19 am

Hi Logan,

I'm sorry about what happened to you. Regardless of all the behaviour and feelings that you felt right now, you know that it is not healthy at all, and you realize that your current situation is holding you back, it's not working for you and you want to change. To me, that is something great about you. (Speaking truly from my heart)

Right now you are aware of your situation. For a person or thought to change, It always starts with Self-awareness.
You have that right now. The next thing to do is you might want to discover and find out dis-empowering belief that you might have in your mind.

What are the negative thoughts, negative believe you had right now that stopping you from seeing women of your likes, negative belief about being bullied.

Remember Logan, you have all the resources you need to make a change. This is not a dead end, every challenges comes with solution and opportunity. To help you get started, I suggest you can read more about Nick Vujicic. :)

Go to youtube and type "Nick Vujicic". He would be the person you can find wisdom to pull you off. Also, consider reading his books title "STAND STRONG" by Nick. Is a new release books which talks about everything you need to know about bullying and cyber bullied as well.

Hope this helps you. ;)

Cheers!

Regards,
Alexander Ang
User avatar
Alexander Ang
Junior Member
 
Posts: 70
Joined: Sun Jun 01, 2014 11:08 am
Location: Malaysia
Likes Received: 3

#3

Postby TheLogan » Thu Jul 10, 2014 1:22 am

It took me a while to reply here, sorry. but it gave me a lot to think bout. Thanks both of you. =)


First of all @Richard@DecisionSkills
Yeah I suppose I do live a lot in the past and the future.. I suspect that most of the the time when I'm focused on the now is when the now worries me even more than the past and the future, like exams and such.

I'm not very good at being social, and I don't like doing things by my self. It's one thing being lonely alone, but being lonely in public is even worse.. I can tend to get slightly paranoid when I'm alone doing stuff that's usually social.
But it does happen, like tomorrow I managed to talk my little brother and his girlfriend into going to the beach, it will be distracting, but it will likely also be enjoyable.


@Alexander Ang
I watched a few videos with Nick Vujicic, and I can see why you suggested him, but while he has some very good point, my brain just kicks out whenever he mentions a certain subject that can not be mentioned on this board.
But I must admit that you're the reason it took me so long to reply.

While I've done a lot of introspection through the years I've mostly focused on symptoms and what they might mean.
Like I've noticed a bunch of symptoms,
  • I have a hard time sleeping,
  • My memory is so bad that it sometimes scares me, things that happened just the day before, even medium large things like social gatherings, can be just gone and I'm the only one that has no recollection (this hasn't happened a lot thankfully, usually it's just all the little things, like homework, etc.)
  • Unless something can distract me I have a hard time concentrating on it (which really scares me because the next semester in my school will be focused on a personal project, and I don't believe I'm going to pass). Which brings me to
  • Sense of a limited future. I'm doubtful I'll ever have the L word, not to mention wife and kids, and due to my failing abilities to focus and remember things, I'm worried about my possibilities for a career.
A few months ago I read an article someone had posted on facebook about bullying and post traumatic stress disorder.
Do I actually suffer from ptsd? I have no idea, but the symptoms match up pretty well. From what I've read there's also still some debate going on whether bullying can even cause ptsd, though there's no doubt it causes some symptoms that are alike.

Anyway.
Negative beliefs about my self
I believe that girls generally find me uninteresting. Due to my shyness and lack of confidence in my self.
I believe that if I actually muster up the courage to talk to a girl I'm attracted to, I won't know how to talk to her, or I'll be to shy to say anything, so it will just be awkward silence.
I believe that my lack of confidence stems from the fact that I don't want to hurt even more than I already do.
I believe that, this fear of pain stems from the fact that most times when I have been hurt, I've gone into a depressive state lasting from anywhere from a few days to weeks.

I don't actually know why depression comes so easy to me.
Nor do I know why I continue to place my own happiness, or lack thereof, on how other people judge me.

Also something I've seen come up a few times in one of Nick Vujicic videos, I don't believe my family or friends can actually do anything to help me, and knowing would cause them unnecessary distress, and maybe even guilt (especially my parents since they were the ones who kept me at the school for so long).

I've thought of a few other negative beliefs too, that I really should have written down somewhere when I thought of them, but I forgot to do so, and I've forgotten them now.. I'll write them here though if I remember them or think of others.

Thanks again =)
TheLogan
New Member
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Jul 08, 2014 2:32 am
Likes Received: 0

#4

Postby Alexander Ang » Thu Jul 10, 2014 4:16 am

Hi Logan,

Great to hear from you again! It seems that you are truly committed to make yourself a better change. You are on the right track and I am happy for you! (from the effort you searching for answer, guidance and taking time reflecting etc.)

Let us break it down a little shall we?

1) You had a hard time sleeping - It could be many reasons, stress, your brain are often in active mode (keep thinking about the future, or worried about the future, having negative thoughts about the past and the list goes on..

2) You had a bad memory - It could be several factors as well. For example, you are focusing on other thoughts or incident, or because of your bad sleeping cycle, you always live in the past or in the future, but not present...

3) Doubtfulness/ lack of confidence/ dis-empowering beliefs/ limiting beliefs - ALL THESE comes from your past experience, past incident, or influence from society, people towards you. Because of all these experience creates a set of beliefs that holds you back from life.

My personal experience: I was once a super lack of confident people too, I studied boy school, never talks to girls and shy to talk the opposite sex.

Cut the stories short, here's what I learnt if you want to be good, attract your dream partner, getting back your confidence, and move forward again:

1) Confidence sell! This is the first thing you might want to work on. Think about what do you always do that will give you a sense of confidence? What are the strategies and solutions that can helps me get back my confidence? Do I need to read the related topics, books like "Art of Seduction?" talk to someone more experience than me? Finding a mentor? Start by approaching girls via Facebook instead of personal 1-1? Or set up a date via dating agency etc... :idea:

See? This are all the possible solutions, all the resources you can draw upon when you FOCUS ON THE SOLUTION AND PLANNING.

2) CHALLENGE YOUR LIMITING BELIEFS! ask your inner self, are these limiting beliefs real? How do you first created this limiting beliefs? What are the evidences support this limiting belief? Is there a counter example? How can I break this evidence? What do I want to belief instead? What is my new empowering beliefs? What are the evidence that will support my empowering beliefs? :idea:

3) I would like to give you some powerful principles and empowering beliefs to hold on to. And when you did, you can see how these principles will transform your life literary.

EMPOWERING BELIEFS NUMBER #1:
I always have a choice, I choose to react to my circumstances, it is not the event or situations that happens to me, it is always the response, the action I chose to react to the situations! I ALWAYS HAVE THE CHOICE TO CHOOSE TO MOVE ON OR TO STUCK HERE!

EMPOWERING BELIEFS NUMBER #2:
YOUR PAST DOES NOT EQUAL TO YOUR FUTURE! Your FUTURE DEPENDS ON WHAT DO YOU DO TODAY! It is today's action that shapes tomorrow futures and your destiny!

EMPOWERING BELIEFS NUMBER #3:
THERE'S ONLY RESULTS! NO THINGS SUCH AS FAILURE OR CAN'T DO! If you don't like the current situation, change the approach! Ask more questions like: what do I need to do now to move forward, what else can I do, what action do I need to take instead of keep asking the why why why why! (Ask why most of the time you will get lousy answer!)

That should helps you get started. Additional resources you can read "Anthony Robbins - AWAKEN THE GIANT WITHIN" book. You will find great resources in the book. :idea:

FINALLY, If you would like to continue feed your brain with inspiration and positive energy. You can consider download my New eBook and my empowering lessons at Massive Wealth To Success dot c0m. (I could not put the off site URL here as I'm still a new member in this forum.) :idea:


Some may be relevant to you, some may not. But Since it is free, why not? :)

I wish you all the best Logan! You are awesome!
User avatar
Alexander Ang
Junior Member
 
Posts: 70
Joined: Sun Jun 01, 2014 11:08 am
Location: Malaysia
Likes Received: 3

#5

Postby SelfHelpTrends » Thu Jul 10, 2014 1:56 pm

Hi Logan,

Have you read Freedom From Fear? This is a fantastic book that I believed will help you a lot.

Regards,
Edmund
SelfHelpTrends
New Member
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue Jul 01, 2014 9:03 am
Likes Received: 0

#6

Postby quietvoice » Thu Jul 10, 2014 3:36 pm

SelfHelpTrends wrote:Hi Logan,

Have you read Freedom From Fear? This is a fantastic book that I believed will help you a lot.

Regards,
Edmund


Hi, Edmund.
Can you please provide the author's name to the above mentioned book.
Thank you.
User avatar
quietvoice
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2286
Joined: Tue Mar 18, 2014 8:14 pm
Likes Received: 234

#7

Postby JuliusFawcett » Fri Jul 11, 2014 8:47 pm

The best cure for lonely is to reach out to help someone in need
User avatar
JuliusFawcett
Super Member
 
Posts: 10112
Joined: Wed May 08, 2013 4:04 pm
Location: Chesham, Bucks. England
Likes Received: 552



Return to Psychology