my marijuana quit diary

[endofdelta9]

Dear John,

although i do not know you i have thought of you a few times nice to hear from you and wow to your one year mark i am one year and 2 month and i could not agree more with your wonderful post what you said it is also my experience after i thought i will never get over this so true the anxiety does go away i never felt so afraid in my life like i felt after quitting and did not know what excactly it was that i was so afraid of in the end i had anxiety smoking and stoping no way out it seemed but after all this time i feel better and happier then ever or like chris sullivan wrote in the book of" the joy of quitting cannabis " when you see cannabis in its true light there are no benefits whatsoever its the great illusion cannabis and tricky

congratulations John this is a tremendous achievement i know i went through it and one can be totally healed from it
it will get better and better every month every year

i like your climbing analogy also very good

delta9 ciao keep up the great work John

[johnrlivingston]

barryh, gsaint, Ade, Kicking, Wave, & Imcbride... thank you so much for you responses & support!

Imcbride, you can post wherever you like! Good to hear you're progressing! Regarding sleep - while there are certainly common points to most people's experience - everyone's journey is different as well. 37 days is a huge accomplishment!

endofdelta9, I think you of as well! You're one of the old-schoolers I've always gained inspiration from. Not too old school... a couple months ahead of me... but we both know how long a couple months can last when you're going through this crap You keep up the good work as well, my friend! So happy to hear you're doing as well as you are.

[lmcbride]

John,

Thanks! Day 39 now. Halfway through week 6!!

Really excited to get to day 45 as I mentioned since that's halfway to 3 months. Fingers crossed that I will start noticing improvements at that point.

I've been a user for close to 10 years. Started around age 15 and now I'm 24. Wasn't a major abuser throughout, aside from a 4 year period in college but hey, who didn't?? had a lung collapse in November of last year and haven't smoked since then, only ate edibles. Ive found with edibles I wasn't getting high night and day. It was only after work a few times a week so I'm hoping that my withdrawals will clear up a bit sooner than most due to that.

Had a rough last 2 weeks as the anxiety faded the depression kicked in, but I slept great last night and feel better today than I have in a while. Definitely on the up part of the roller coaster and I needed it because this weekend I'm finalizing my wedding date!

I will keep posting my progress here, thank you all again for the great support!!

[endofdelta9]

thank you so much John

you are SOLID i always knew i am so Happy for you (old schooler so good i love this)

yes right a couple of month can make a difference and all i know is it gets better and better

and Oldschool Ru was our angel

wish you the BEST John

Delta

cioa

[endofdelta9]

Dear John

it is so amazing to read your first posts oh my god can i relate to that me too i had unlimited supply in the last 2 or 3 years growing myself and so true when you said thats when the problems began and also i could not put 2 + 2 together went to doctors not much help until i was so lucky to meet Ru and figure it all out
i enjoyed reading your first post and you predicted it quite right when you said given enough time you could get back to feeling good again you are very close very close all the coming month will be exponential one will make leaps
i am so happy for you

D.

[endofdelta9]

thank you for leaving such a precious legacy of withdrawal on the forum so precise and well described

[olskoolru]

Congratulations on the YEAR!

You are an absolute inspiration and a testament to how tough it is to get through an addiction, and how rewarding it is to finally be free.

Keep us posted and remember that helping others in our situation is one of the best ways to aid your recovery.

f***ing awesome!

OSR

[Wave]

One year, seriously good work!!!

It is great when people post sharing their good work when they are further down the road, really helps me keep in mind the end goal.

[lmcbride]

Totally agree with you wave. On day 40 now, stoked!

Feelings of sadness and anxiety are non existent right now and I'm so glad for that. Vision is still a bit funky and head is a bit foggy but if that's all I have to complain about right now consider me a happy man.

Wave, it's funny. In the other forum I saw you mentioned you've begun looking into things too much as of late. I'm the exact opposite. When I was high all the time I always looked way too much into things and thought there was always an alterior motive. Now that I've quit I take things as they come and I'm loving it. Guess everyone is different....

Stay strong!

[lmcbride]

Hey everyone,

Just wanted to check in and let you all know I made it to day 45! Halfway to 90!!!

I've been feeling so great this week, definitely better than I've ever felt since I quit. I haven't had any anxiety and no random feelings of crying thank god. Must've gotten over the first wave of PAWS perhaps.

Hope everyone else is doing well in their journey too. I've actually just got my buddy to quit and he is going strong on day 10. Helping him out in this process definitely seems to help me out as well which is awesome.

I've been exercising almost daily. It really is true how much it helps keep your mind clear and cut down the anxiety.

Thanks again for all of the support guys!

[nl420]

Dear John,

did your physical anxiety symptoms go away with the anxiety itself (dry eyes, tinnitus, muscle spasms) ?

[lmcbride]

Today makes day 50, the start of week 8 begins!

I've been exercising and meditating daily, and I can't even begin to express how much that's been helping me. My anxiety has decreased, and my depressive thoughts aren't nearly as low as they were in weeks past.

A big take away I've gotten in meditation is to imagine that your feelings of anxiety, depression, etc. are like cars driving along on the free way. Rather than running in to traffic to try and stop the bad feelings and keep the good ones where you want them, try to imagine yourself sitting on the side of the road, observing all of the feelings as they go by. This has really helped my psyche in allowing me to see observe the anxiety and depression go by, and not to dwell on them or try to force them to go away.

Anyway, hope everyone is doing well. I'm feeling better and better with each passing week, and although it's early times yet, I can't wait to get to day 60 and have 2 months under my belt.

Happy Sunday everybody!

[lmcbride]

Hey everyone, just wanted to check in again.

Happy to say I've made it to day 60!! 2 months with no slip ups and halfway through week 9

I can positively say that I'm showing signs of improvement. While I'm still not 100%, I'm getting closer every day. The anxiety is barely around anymore, and when I do have depressing feelings they are much less intense and I can usually do away with them pretty quickly.

My sleep was great the last few weeks, but the last few days haven't been so great for some reason. Oh well, must be the PAWS or something...but this is easy stuff compared to the hell that was the first month.

I keep reminding myself that I'm through the worst of it, and am keeping my head down and pushing forward to day 90!

Hope everyone is doing well!

[lmcbride]

Hey guys, can't believe I'm on day 75, halfway through week 11!

Time sure flies when you're getting healthy...

Anyway, in the last few days I've started experiencing sharp pains down my back and sides and occasionally my chest. I'm curious if anyone else experienced this and if it's maybe a symptom of withdrawal?

My mind is finally starting to get right but now it's my body that's messing with me....

Any insight would be greatly appreciated!

[trojanterry]

Dear John,

It's hard to explain in words how much your story has motivated me to share my own, I took time to read through this whole thread and man it has opened me eyes. I'm glad to see marijuana PAWS is for real.

Anyway to keep a long story hopefully short; I'm 24-years-old and have smoked all day everyday since I was 17 (junior year HS) On September 28th this year I had my third ACL surgery on my left knee (1st was in 2008, 2nd was in Feb. 2014) and as you could imagine it's been a nightmare it's forced me to withdraw from college twice to endure the surgery and rehab.

After the surgery I kept up smoking or even more than normal and by October 17th I had had enough, I couldn't handle the anxiety when I smoked I would feel terrible like I couldn't breathe and had tingleing and numbness in my legs/feet which I've had since my second acl surgery (thought they were coming from my back from my knee history but now I'm convinced it's from anxiety because those feelings have lessened even after just reading thru this forum and information on physical anxiety symptoms)

Anyway I'm on day 17 cold turkey and it's been hell in mostly mood swings that are quite drastic which lead to depression. Going to rehab for my knee seems to be the only thing that cheers me up, but that is short lived. Like I said the back tightness and tingling/numbness in the lower extremities, facial pressure/sinus pressure are my other main physical symptoms. Mentally, sometimes I seem to question everything from why I'm even going to college and it seems like nothing I do matters. I also am quite hesitant to be social or go hang out with my friends at all, as I ignore their calls most of the time.

Its like I can't keep feeling sorry for myself because of my knee but I know the PAWS symptoms are the other half of this equation that are making me feel so terrible and depressed. The anxiety causes me to have racing thoughts about "what if, what now, how come". I hope they get better but after reading thru this thread I understand it will take time.

I hope to interact with some of you as I continue my journey. Thanks everyone