my marijuana quit diary


Postby endofdelta9 » Sun Feb 22, 2015 10:42 pm

thank you John

for that report i am very happy for you that it gets better and i feel encouraged
i am going into the 8 month and ever so slightly it does get better
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Postby fiveweeks » Mon Feb 23, 2015 2:31 am

Hey Jhon ~

Great to see you posted today, I remembered you this last week and noticed that it had been alum time you did not come here. I was eager to know how you're going, and I`m happy with what I read.

Again I can say that I can identify with your improvements and steps you described, the only difference is that I did not face many muscle problems, but maybe that was manifested in a more severe emotional way.

In this last month I had a very good improvement over my emotional state, anxiety, mood, sleep etc. Much better days came, however in the last 3 days something seemed to worsen a bit, came a wave of depression that made me a bit down again and think that maybe I did not improve anything, once again my brain playing tricks on me, but I'm getting handle it in a better way and I know that when the wave passes I get better and better and I am looking forward to following, living one day at a time.

Anyway I was very happy with what you posted, thank you for sharing!

Big hug, Jesus bless~
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Postby johnrlivingston » Mon Feb 23, 2015 3:40 pm

Great to hear from you, 5 WEEKS! I have those days as well. As I've said before I just don't feel like writing when I have them, so my account might appear a bit more rosy than my experience actually is. But they don't last long. I keep sticking to my rule... when my mood changes and things seem dark and hopeless... I just avoid making any decision that will affect my future. Now, instead of waiting weeks for my mood to improve, I'm back to feeling optimistic in 2-3 days. It's easier now to recognize these phases for what they are... temporary biochemical 'corrections'. In that sense, I'm almost happy for them, as the reduced frequency and duration each time underscores that our minds are continuing to heal, and better days lie ahead!

Take care my friend. You're always in my thoughts.
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Postby johnrlivingston » Thu May 28, 2015 2:50 am

Well, it's been a long time since I've been here guys, but I'm now sitting at 8 1/2 months!!!!!!

I'm not going to spend a lot of time on this post as I have in the past. All I can say is that while I continue to struggle, I can't deny that I'm slowly getting better. Better than my last post back in February by far, better even still than on New Year's eve when I cried wondering if I'd be able to handle this all, and SO MUCH BETTER than the first 3 months which almost seem unreal to me now knowing what I went through.

I still have problems with anxiety and the physical problems relating to it. But I'm getting better. It's now a much more unpredictable pattern. Some days I'll barely be troubled by it at all, other days it's more of a bother. As I'm sure I've written before - my recovery is going much more slowly than I'd like - but it's progressing.

I can say that I'm 100% recovered in one aspect - and that's in my sleep. I SLEEP LIKE A BABY NOW!!!!! Honestly better than I ever slept while smoking. And I dream like crazy, but now my dreams are what I consider 'normal'... mostly good, sometimes dreary, but nothing that upsets me the next day like they used to.

I have many moments when I doubt the cause of my issues. But I have to remind myself that it literally took me over well over 6 MONTHS just for my sleep to return to normal. So I really shouldn't be surprised that other problems continue to linger. My tinnitus, as an example, is still present. But its no longer constant (or at least I don't perceive it constantly) and even at it worst it's nowhere near what it used to be.

Anyway - I'll check back in after a month or two more, hopefully with more promising news. Stay strong, my friends!
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Postby NateTGreat » Thu May 28, 2015 12:47 pm

Much praise to you John. You are very strong for enduring the hell which is cannabis PAWS. Glad you are sleeping well now. That has to make your day a little better having rested well. Things can only get better from here. Congrats!
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Postby Godpleasehelpme » Sat May 30, 2015 2:46 am

I wan to quit so bad. I'm 43 y/0 m
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Postby fiveweeks » Sun May 31, 2015 4:20 am

Hey Jhoonn!

It's great to see that you are good dude! For a long time you do not post and I confess I was worried about you...

Good to know that you're doing better, and once again I can identify perfectly with your descriptions... In a week I will reach 9 months and slowly I have noticed good changes, I'm much better than 1- 2 months ago and my sleep is also 100%, thank God! I'm also still having some problems with anxiety, a residual depression, still feel confused many times, headaches here an there, but is getting easier with each passing day/week/month.

As you said, often I am in doubt if these problems are still related to PAWS, but I always remember how horrible were some days that have passed and that people talk about 1-1/2 to 2 years to feel really better, so I'm continuing with my battle and I I believe I'm doing good.

Anyway, I'm very happy for you! I have also come very little in the forum because it has not a lot of things to read and write anymore, only the most relevant updates, but dont forget to update us.

Big hug!

God bless~
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Postby johnrlivingston » Wed Jun 10, 2015 6:18 pm

Nate... very glad to hear from you. Thanks so much for posting on this thread!!! How is your journey going? I wish you nothing but the best. I'm not here nearly as much as I used to be, but I'll make sure to look for any recent updates.

5weeks... my friend... so very happy to hear you're doing better. I know from my own experience you're not well, but we're getting there! I hope you remember from time to time how resilient you are. How tough we both are. How tough we all are. I just go done exercising... my mood is up and I can see the truth for what it is. Tonight or tomorrow or next week or next month that may not be the case, but the bad times will pass like they always do, and the good times will become better, as they have so far.

I'm very sorry for the late response. I feel bad not getting back to you sooner. I now it helps me knowing there's a 'you' out there going through this crap. Check your Private Messages, OK?

By the way... between the time I wrote the last post and this one now, I had another 'wave' hit me. Right out of the blue, everything got worse, sleep even got a bit worse along w/ mild return of the 'weird dreams'. But I must underscore the 'mild' part. It was like reliving every wave so far, only once again with lesser intensity. It's still with me now, but subsiding. Still irritating, still inconvenient, still frightening and depressing at times - but even from within this wave now I know things continue to improve. That's progress :)
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Postby barryh83 » Sat Sep 05, 2015 8:11 am

Very interesting thread, good read.

Hope things are still improving John.
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Postby johnrlivingston » Wed Sep 16, 2015 5:39 pm

If there's one thing good I can say about protracted withdrawal it's this: Time slows to a crawl. Because the last year has taken fooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrr to pass.

Wait. Did I say the last year? Well yes... yes I did. Because today marks my ONE YEAR MARK from quitting weed!!!! :D :mrgreen: :lol:

How do I feel? Better than ever since this nightmare started. In fact, this past month has seen another round of dramatic changes which have me bordering on what I'd consider to be 'normal'. :D Better than 'normal', actually, for I'm certainly a better person for having survived and learned from what has, without any doubt, been the most difficult year of my life.

Funny thing... a few weeks ago I was considering going back in an effort to 'heal my endocannabinoid system'. At that time my anxiety had started to fade but daily migraines had taken its place. The thought of going back made me sick, but the daily unrelenting pain was getting the best of me. Thankfully, I stumbled on NateTGreat''s thread, and derived strength from his decision to push his efforts out to 2 years after still having problems. It was at that time I decided to do the same. Two or three weeks after that point, my migraines started breaking up, and the anxiety that had left with their coming... STAYED GONE!!!!!

For at least the past 2-3 weeks, I've only had a handful of minor, short-lived 'anxiety feelings' that go as quick as they come - so mild they're hardly worth mentioning - and my migraines are beginning to follow the same pattern. I truly believe the migraines were just another part of my neurochemistry returning to normal, and as I continue to heal, I expect them to reduce even more.

For any one reading this, the saying "It always seems darkest before the dawn" describes the healing process as I've experienced it to a 'T'. It's the windows & waves pattern. Every time I've realized a big improvement, it's been preceded by an especially hard time. It's like descending from the highest peak in a range of mountains to a green valley many miles away... the overall slope is downhill, but there are many hard climbs between you and that grassy pasture. And while each climb is likely a little less strenuous the farther you go, the fatigue of climbing for so long can make it seem like each climb is worse than the one before.

The way I see it, I've just topped the final peak - the one where I can finally see that green valley - and while I have no doubt I'll have a few more stumbles before I reach it - maybe even a few more boulders to climb - reaching it is inevitable.

Funny story: The last time I posted here - during my last challenging 'uphill climb' - some clown who I had previously disagreed with over the possibility of full recovery chimed in with a PM to tell me he was right. It was his belief that the damage done by abuse couldn't be undone. That it was permanent. I called BS then and I'm especially calling BS now. Perhaps your defeatist attitude is permanent, Bozo, but healing is certainly possible for any that believe it to be. That's the nice way of saying what I'd prefer saying, but I'm not trying to get kicked of the forum just yet ;)

Cliff Notes: 1 year past weed I've been through hell, am actually glad for the experience, and while I'm not 100%, I'd put myself at a solid 85. At the 2-year mark I have no doubt I'll be a better man than I've ever been, in every way imaginable.
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Postby gsaint28 » Wed Sep 16, 2015 6:12 pm

congrats on achieving your goal!
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Postby Ade,wales » Thu Sep 17, 2015 11:24 pm

Good to see you've made it past a year mate. A goal for all of us to achieve
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Postby kickingthehabit » Fri Sep 18, 2015 12:29 am

WOW! Huge congratulations to you John. Great to hear how well you're doing and best of luck to you on your way to 100%.
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Postby Wave » Fri Sep 18, 2015 4:51 pm

Really interesting post. Really insightful to hear of someone hitting a year mark being over the worst of it, feel the 2 year timeframe is realistic to be 100%. I have just hit 5.5 months since everyday use and feel better as each month goes by, frustrating how gradual the change can be.

Well done on making a year, hope to be there too April 2016.
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Postby lmcbride » Mon Sep 21, 2015 11:40 pm

All I can say is wow. Just read through this entire thread and I am so inspired and driven to make it though. Currently on day 37 and have been feeling the anxiety and depression symptoms to a T! For some reason I sem to be sleeping fairly well (I drink sleepy time tea every night)

Do you guys mind If I start posting my progress here? Just seems like there's so many good people that can help me as I Work my way through this journey.

Thanks all!
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